


Slight Manifestations Of Denial And Idiocracy

by Bullsfish



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Accidental Pregnancy, Alpha Victor Nikiforov, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Regency, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst with a Happy Ending, Daddy Issues, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, Harassment, Historically Inaccurate, Intersex Omegas, Knotting, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Misunderstanding, Mpreg, Not a kid fic, Omega Katsuki Yuuri, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Slow Build, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Yuuri doesn't do that though, by an OC, courting, implied attempted non-con, mention of prostitution, redemption arc, victor has Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-09-19 19:55:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 44,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17008170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bullsfish/pseuds/Bullsfish
Summary: After Earl Victor Nikiforov so scandalously deflowers Lady Okukawa’s omega ward during one of her famous parties, the whole upper class is understandably shocked and not the least bit kind or careful with their tongues after, but loving the gossip nonetheless.And it certainly doesn't help Victor's already complicated daddy issues that in addition to ruining the poor omega's reputation, one day he receives a letter from his one night companion telling him that he'd simultaneously managed to get him pregnant as well.Or, one night stand turned accidental pregnancy Victorian style. Victor has issues, Yakov regrets ever taking his nephew in and Yuuri is lovely as well as woefully unimpressed with his baby daddy's behavior ever since the part where they actually made the baby.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> It's finally here, only six months later than I said. Sorry for the long notes but just a few things before we get started:
> 
> Victor has issues. He'll try to deal with them and better himself so let's not hate him too much based on this first chapter, ok? xd The redemption tag is there for a reason. Also let's just say Yuuri is hot as hell and Victor is only a man, certain things like birth control and decency might be easy to forget in the moment of passion.  
> Though this is a pregnancy fic, it isn't centered around it that much but more on Yuuri and Victor's romance and working to come together after coming together resulted in the baby (*laughs at own joke*). It's also about both of them healing from past traumas and accepting the other's love.  
> Don't be scared about that past non-con tag! That will come up next chapter but nothing will be too explicit. I don't want this story to be too dark.There's actually quite a bit of idiot Victor and such in here so don't worry, it should be relatively light all things considered.
> 
> This is set in an undisclosed country and time in the real world, based loosely around the victorian era England.
> 
> Below are some notes about this au:
> 
> \- The country is ruled by a King (who is fond, in a formal way, of Victor and the Feltsmans).  
> Yakov is a Duke with one of the biggest influences in the country  
> \- Victor's tittle is an Earl and he is Yakov's heir apparent as his adopted son / nephew (Victor's mother died soon after birth since her alpha left her).  
> \- The Katsukis are upper middle class in Japan and sent Yuuri to be Minako's ward about a year before this fic’s start in hopes of furthering his ballet career and catching a husband.  
> \- Minako is an upper middle class beta risen famous by her ballet career and she is now married, somewhat neutrally, to an upper class alpha lord.  
> \- Male omegas hold feminine titles such as duchess, lady, miss etc.  
> \- Fashion is based on the 1870s and 1880 Victorian dress with some artistic liberties. Female betas and all omegas wear dresses (slim sleeves, highish necks, flowy skirts, tiny waists and occasionally bigger skirts). Men wear basically what men wore in 1880s so tailcoats with waistcoats and tuxedos, just more colorful than in reality.  
> \- Omegas tend to marry young, around 16-21, 24 in the very least (Yuuri is 22 here). Alphas have no such rush but usually produce an heir before the age of 26 (Victor is 27 here). They can however marry again later in life or even for the first time without a huge fuss.  
> \- A courtship of 1 to 6 months is expected before an engagement, after which the planning of the wedding and engagement period can last up to year and a half before rumours start to form. The couple is expected to consummate their marriage within the honeymoon period and form at least a one way bond (alpha to omega). Two way bonds are not unheard of either, just more rare. Bonds are for life but the person doing the biting, if they themselves are not bonded, can bond multiple times / to multiple people.  
> \- Mating before marriage is a big no no and omegas and beta ladies are expected to stay virgins until marriage, alphas are not. Pregnancy out of wedlock, especially amongst the upper class is not taken kindly and can lead to abandonment, the stripping of possibly titles etc. for the pregnant participant of course.  
> \- Medicine here is a little more advanced maybe than in real life. I chose to have everything pretty hygienic and polished so medicine too (with herb concoctions and chloroform and such).  
> \- Birth control exists in the form of herb medicines for the impregnated person and rubber condoms (this was actually true in 1800s).  
> Male omegas in my au have a vagina (exactly as it is in real life), no external scrotum but a small cocklet (4-6 inch) placed where the normal penis would be as well. They can get pregnant, it's highly more likely in heat though, which happens every four months or so. Male omegas only menstruate after a heat, if not impregnated. They can't get anyone else pregnant.

Victor lounged idly in one of his family estate's grander drawing rooms, seemingly content to merely enjoy the soft tune of the piano as he ignored everything other than himself. In reality he was quite far from content — he could barely even hear the graceful notes of the piano or see the beta dutifully playing it. Instead, all he could think about, all he could hear or see were the words of a single letter plaguing him as his life flashed threateningly before his eyes.  
  
He was Earl Victor Nikiforov, official heir apparent to Duke Feltsman as his not quite as official son — technically he was a bastard from Yakov’s long dead sister. It wasn't common knowledge amongst most and those who did know of it knew to not bring it up during afternoon tea if they wanted to keep Victor's favor. And they all did.  
  
Victor was one of the most, if not the most, coveted bachelor alphas amongst the upper class of the country, including the royalty thanks to Yakov's lineage. On top of his impressive title, Victor was also blessed with his omega mother's more than average beauty while his built supposedly matched the alpha sire who'd left her — making him much more desirable than the scrawny green boys calling themselves alphas or the fattened old men looking for much younger brides to pop out a new round of children in order to boost their egos and status. The combination of Victor's looks, charm, money and ties to the royal family (the King himself favoured Victor like an uncle) made him the perfect wet dream of every and all omegas in town, as well as the respectable goal for all the doting mamas and alpha sires looking to marry their daughters or sons off to a higher status and wealth.  
  
Not that Victor much cared for any of them longer than for brief amusements when he started to feel too numbed to fake smiles anymore. And that's why Victor remained shockingly unmated, unwed and without a single child of his own even at twenty-seven. He was truly convinced he was better off this way.  
  
That was what he had thought anyway, before the words that threw him into a days long, and counting, loop of forced reflection on his life choices. What he had thought previously and what any of the simpering mamas or power hungry old men thought of him all seemed rather irrelevant at the moment.  
  
Victor had tried his best to distract himself from these feeling, avoided them for days and days now but still his eyes wandered periodically to the letter that had successfully haunted his awake mind without stop since it had arrived unexpectedly over a fortnight ago.  
  
The two pages of it laid crumbled on the table next to him, read more times than Victor would care to admit, and still left unanswered to its sender.  
  
Out of habit born from dealing with liars and gold diggers for years, Victor wanted to question the words that looked so much like the truth on the scruffy paper. He had read them over and over, shaking his head and convincing himself they were lies as he ignored the slight tingle of something akin guilt tickling his chest.  
  
With every time Victor finished reading it, looking at the looping signature at the bottom, the feeling got worse — it scratched his chest, squeezed his throat and tied his tongue until he had no choice but to silently read the words again from the start. But not once did he pick up a pen to write back, no matter how the idea haunted him. And not once did he open his mouth about the letter, or its content, after receiving it from the servant on duty the day it arrived. Not even to his best friend, Lord Giacometti, or his parents, dear lord not to his parents, had Victor said a word to.  
  
And he didn't plan to, not until he knew what he should do…  
  
Not because he was scared but because he could convince himself to be doubtful. He did have a good reason to question the omega’s candor — surely the words he had so gracefully inked to his letter despite the paper’s poor quality and the stains on it resembling tear drops could not be truthful.  
  
Because _surely_ , Victor had not gotten him pregnant. They were together but for a single night after all.

* * *

  
  
  
Lady Okukawa held nothing back when it came to her famous parties — no money was saved on entertainment, music, food, _anything_ . She had a reputation to uphold after all as the former prima ballerina and upper class socialite. And, at least so she claimed, if a little champagne and dancing would help to catch a suitable husband for Yuuri as her ward, it was her duty to make sure the alcohol kept flowing and the music playing.  
  
Yuuri himself, in all honesty, doubted that any level shy from an all-out royal gala attended by the King himself would help him in the regards of catching a respectable husband. Come think of it, the mere presence of the King anywhere near his proximity would most definitely make Yuuri's situation much worse rather than helping thanks to his anxious nature.  
  
In all of these events held by Lady Minako Yuuri always, without fail, felt like he simultaneously stuck out like a sore thumb and was incredibly enough, completely invisible. In addition to struggling with that particular combination of awkward, the sheer presence of anyone with a title never failed to make Yuuri lose his wavering composure, his twenty years of dancer's grace as well as his tongue.  
  
Yuuri was positive Lady Minako as well would any day now realise all his shortcomings and give up on finding him the non-existent match, sending him back home to Japan to be an old maid. Yuuri had long accepted it as an inevitable and so he didn't even try to fight his instincts when they told him to hung to the side of the banquet hall and try his best to blend in with the wall.  
  
Yuuri frowned into his drink as he took a sip of the golden liquid, surveying the other guest over the edge of the glass. This party, just like all of Lady Minako's, was impressively packet with anyone who was anyone — all of them enjoying the fully decorated hall of Lady Minako's Lord husband's town house as they littered around, gossiping, getting sloshed and hunting for a match for themselves, their daughters, sons or even for an occasional niece.  
  
To Yuuri's everlasting torture, anyone who was anyone most definitely contained one _oh_ so handsome and wayward Earl Victor Nikiforov, who Yuuri definitely did not have a crush on. Not that he could be blamed if he did (he didn't!) as the stunning alpha was not only gorgeous but an heir to Duke Feltsman’s vast lands and rulings as well, making it so that nearly every young omega had their eye on him while their mamas held no means back to set a match.  
  
Yuuri however held no illusions of ever catching the interest of someone like Earl Nikiforov, who even in looks was already completely out of Yuuri's league. And if Yuuri sometimes forgot it, the fact that the man was technically actual royalty always helped to crash him back down to earth. That and the humiliating reality that the Earl had successfully and effectively ignored Yuuri in every single event in the past year, refusing Lady Minako's many attempts to have him take a spot on Yuuri's dance card.  
  
Why she even bothered to keep trying was a mystery to Yuuri. (She clearly was mistaken on assuming Yuuri had a crush on the Earl, because he _did not._ Certainly not.) Even if Lady Minako couldn't seem to understand the patent disinterest in someone like Yuuri, Yuuri didn't expect anything else. He barely deserved to be there amongst the crowd if it wasn't for Lady Minako's kindness (and pity most likely) — he really was merely a middle class omega with passable ballet form and a couple years too many on his age.  
  
Even dressed up as he was, there were still so many more beautiful and proper omegas here to choose from, Yuuri could not hold a candle to them.  
  
Lady Minako had dressed him in a fine blue gown that was way too tight, in Yuuri's opinion, to be appropriate. Even the neckline was scandalously low instead of the higher cut currently favoured by the upper class ladies. Yuuri's unmarked neck was covered merely by a thinnest piece of simple lace, the ribbon working as a collar of sorts thanks to his gown not covering his glands. Neither did it cover his unfortunately erect nipples that felt like they might bob out of his bustier any moment now in the chilly ballroom.  
  
Yuuri kept to himself for the first half of the party, nursing his glass of champagne, and then a second one until he was forced to try and socialise during the dinner course. Mostly he received nothing but cold shoulder and mocking smirks. On the few occasions someone actually did approach him, they either excused themselves as soon as Yuuri's lack of a dowry was revealed or stuck around only to prove Yuuri right about his fear of being dressed inappropriately. The lustful leers and suggestive comments served to push him back to hugging the wall once dinner ended.  
  
Determined not to bail though and upset his host, Yuuri settled on drowning a few glasses after a few glasses of the champagne being constantly served and soon he could already feel himself lifting in spirits. It was perhaps bad form to drink so gallantly while supposedly trying to attract a husband but it eased his fraying nerves and made him less self-conscious about his exposed body.  
  
Drinking so freely also made the frown slip from his face when he surveyed the dancing guests, some of them obviously having enjoyed the liquors just as much as him.  
  
Yuuri hummed almost happily along with the small orchestra, swaying a little in halted dance. He let himself look at the people around him more closely; someone had a rather obviously drawn on beauty spot on their lip, one alpha had chosen his dress shirt a size too small, another one was tracking a fresh faced omega girl with their eyes, someone had ice blue eyes that pierced through the crowd and pointed straight at Yuuri.  
  
Wait…  
  
Yuuri froze with his glass midway to his lips.  
  
It took a moment for Yuuri's mind and body to catch up with the fact that he knew those blue eyes and exactly to whom they belonged to. While Earl Nikiforov held his gaze hostage with his intense stare, Yuuri felt his face and neck flush hot and most likely redder than Lady Minako's prized roses.  
  
To Yuuri's utter humiliation, when the Earl finally freed Yuuri from his gaze, it was to run his eyes over the omega's scarcely dressed form. His eyes lingered on Yuuri's hips and nearly exposed chest. His gaze was hot and rather obviously assessing, but unlike before with the other zealous alphas, Yuuri felt himself shameful responding to the lustful appreciation.  
  
He flushed impossibly hotter and instead of anger and disgust, Yuuri grew wet in his small clothes.  
  
The first slick slide of his own embarrassing arousal in the very inappropriate setting for it was finally enough to startle Yuuri out of his frozen state, making him almost drop his half full glass as his mind cleared.  
  
Oh no.  
  
_Oh no._  
  
Yuuri forced his eyes away from Earl Nikiforov and hastily whipped around to put his champagne flute away before he really did let it slip from his shaking hands. Once the Earl was truly out of his line of sight, Yuuri didn't try to fight his mind’s insistence about running away but let it guide his feet into the opposite direction from the alpha.  
  
With his whole body on fire and cheeks redder than any misfortunate application of rouge could give him, Yuuri navigated himself awkwardly through the crowd lingering on the outskirts of the dance floor. He desperately hoped he would disappear in the hubbub of the other ladies and gentlemen. And dear lord, he hoped no-one could actually smell the evidence of his shameful reaction towards Earl Nikiforov.  
  
Yuuri pushed forward, looping between the crowds of guests with as much grace as he could after more than six flutes of champagne. When he was finally almost to the other side of the hall, he turned to look back, trying to see if he could still catch silver hair amongst the blondes and browns. In his haste, and because he failed to actually stop moving when he looked behind his back, Yuuri couldn't see the body he hit before he was already running straight into their arms as they turned.  
  
“Oh!” Yuuri huffed embarrassed before trying to discreetly straighten himself up from leaning on the stranger while also self-consciously checking to see if his gown still held in place to cover what little was left of his modesty.  
  
“Ah, Miss Katsuki!” The voice belonging to the body exclaimed as they helped Yuuri upright politely, sounding surprisingly ecstatic about the impromptu clash rather than insulted. And familiar.  
  
Yuuri looked up to meet the smiling face of Lord Giacometti and blushed further. _Ah, not a stranger then._  
  
Lord Giacometti smiled on, seemingly unbothered by Yuuri's lack of poise, “How delightful to catch you here, you've been as elusive as ever, much to my disappointment, and many other gentlemen’s, I'm sure.” The alpha lord threw a trademark wink at Yuuri at the suggestion before adding on, “I must admit I've missed seeing you at Lady Okukawa's classes lately, a shame really she chose to focus on you separately, not that you don't deserve it. You just do look so exquisite in your dance ensemble it tears my heart not to witness it any longer, if you don't mind my saying so.”  
  
Ah… Yuuri hummed in part amusement, part embarrassment. Lord Giacometti certainly wasn't quite like the other alpha gentlemen of the town, as Yuuri had quickly come to know during the brief time they attended the same dance class organized by Lady Minako. (Practicing ballet at one’s own pleasure was in itself considered highly unorthodox for an alpha but Lord Giacometti hadn't seemed to mind.)  
  
Lord Giacometti was notoriously forward with anyone he liked, romantically or otherwise, but harmless with his winks and suggestions, never actually going further than making Yuuri highly embarrassed and flushed in the cheeks. And at the moment he really wasn't the alpha Yuuri was concerned about.  
  
Anxious, Yuuri tried to discreetly look around them again while also politely nodding along with whatever Lord Giacometti was telling him. To be completely honest, Yuuri really wasn't sure what he hoped to accomplish by looking for the Earl between the crowd — was he hoping the alpha had moved his focus on someone much more appealing or did he actually wish… _no_ . It was definitely much better if the Earl lost all of his sudden interest towards Yuuri after the shameful display he'd made of himself from just a single look.  
  
(Those pesky not-a-crush-like feelings throbbing in Yuuri's chest, and somewhere a little lower, were just so difficult to deny when the Earl had looked at him with such a burning heat it was surely enough to get even him, a virgin omega, pregnant.)  
  
Before Yuuri could get carried away with that peculiar, embarrassing fantasy, Lord Giacometti laughed boisterously next to him and snapped him out of it.  
  
“Miss Katsuki, please, no need to be so formal,” he said in response to whatever, apparently formal, face Yuuri had been giving while lost inside his own head. “This a party, no? Could I interest you in a dance for old times sake now that you have already so eagerly ran to my arms? If your card permits it of course,” Lord Giacometti offered good naturally, if with a smitch of mischief at the mention of Yuuri's earlier faux pa.  
  
Yuuri looked at the offered hand, hesitating only for a moment — his dance card, truth to be told, very much permitted an unarranged dance or two, or five… And since Yuuri did quite enjoy dancing ballroom… And Lord Giacometti was consistently one of the few beau monde who actually treated him better than air or something to sneer at. Even if he replaced the behavior with frequent flirtation.  
  
And, most pressingly, it wouldn't exactly do for Yuuri to refuse the man so above him in station, especially with some of the other lords and ladies eyeing them with vague interest.  
  
Giving Lord Giacometti a shy smile, Yuuri placed his own hand on the offered larger one, suddenly happy about

the copious amounts of champagne he'd drank earlier that were now giving him the courage to be led to the dance floor. With the liquid encouragement coursing through his veins, and with Earl Nikiforov put off from his mind for the moment, Yuuri found he was actually quite keen to have a twirl at least once tonight.  
  
Other couples were already swaying and turning with the music as they joined them in the centre of the banquet hall. Lord Giacometti took lead with practiced grace and instantly found their rhythm even mid set. Only complaint Yuuri could have was that the Lord perhaps held him a tad closer by his waist than was strictly necessary by proper etiquette, but even that was fine too. Despite all the time Lord Giacometti had spent complimenting him during their classes together and the flirtatious manner he adopted whenever they saw each other, Yuuri knew the alpha wasn't actually interested in something as boring as his virginity.  
  
Lord Giacometti broke their comfortable silence after a while, smiling down at Yuuri as they kept up with the upbeat dance. “You certainly are as talented partner as I remember, even without your dance garb,” the Lord winked, making Yuuri blush again now that the previous color had finally been going down.  
  
Before Yuuri could respond one way or another, Lord Giacometti continued, looking slightly wistful as he trained his eyes somewhere over Yuuri's shoulder. ”I fear you might outshine everyone else on this floor, myself included.”  
  
Yuuri tried to spot what was making the Lord so serious all the sudden but couldn't turn the right way before Lord Giacometti spoke again, this time the ends of his lips tugging up again with his usual jubilant attitude.  
  
“I see Earl Nikiforov certainly seems to think so, his eyes have hardly strayed from you since we set foot on the dance floor.”  
  
Yuuri gasped, whipping his head around to look where the Lord was pointing to with his eyes. And surely enough, just as Lord Giacometti said, Earl Nikiforov was easily spotted standing just at the edge of the dance floor, his gaze intensely following Yuuri and Lord Giacometti’s movements.  
  
Just as quickly as he had whipped around to look, Yuuri turned away, face positively on fire and all his grace forgotten for the rest of the song. He barely managed not to stumble or step on Lord Giacometti's toes until the orchestra finally played the last note. No sooner than that did Yuuri separate himself from his partner and curtsy so fast he almost tripped on his skits as he already turned to flee, muttering something about needing air.  
  
Yuuri quickly found his escape to one of the many outdoor balconies leading away from the banquet room. He practically hurled himself against the iron railing, a voice somewhere in his mind telling him that it _might_ not be the best idea to go running towards the open air and three story fall while intoxicated. That voice was drowned out by a much louder internal screaming. And by the blood rushing through his ears.  
  
His heart was racing in his chest. Why did he do that? Yuuri had been on the receiving end of alphas’ attention before, granted, not often, but he had, and never before had he reacted in this manner — getting aroused and then panicking. _What was that?_  
  
Yuuri pried his white knuckled hands from the cold railing and pressed them against his chest, not caring about the chill on his bare skin. Maybe if he pressed hard enough he could just force the rapid beating of his heart to still.  
  
Yuuri's breath painted white clouds in the cool night air when he breathed, the cold actually getting slightly numbing. Numb was good though, he thought, numb wasn't the strange tingle beneath his skin that felt like someone had poured hot lava right to his core.  
  
“My, won't a Lady such as yourself grow chilly out here dressed so rather _lightly_ .”  
  
And suddenly Yuuri wasn't cold anymore.  
  
A shudder tore through Yuuri's spine at the sudden deep voice behind him. If the voice speaking and startling Yuuri hadn't broken the silence of the night air, the gasp that escaped Yuuri's lungs as he whipped around in a flare of his skirt would have.  
  
Earl Victor Nikiforov stared at Yuuri with a tiny smile on his lips, looking like he'd just materialised there out of thin air to torture Yuuri's poor heart and fraying nerves.  
  
Yuuri stared back silently. And stared. And stared.  
  
Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, when the Earl received no other response but the initial shocked breath from Yuuri, he spoke again, this time his face torn somewhere between exasperation and amusement.  
  
“Earl Victor Nikiforov, a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I don't believe I've had the honor before,” the Earl smoothly introduced himself, voice dripping with sugary charm as he bowed a quarter of an inch in a proper, formal, alpha greeting.  
  
Yuuri watched the Earl bow, eyes flicking over his perfectly styled silver hair and the slightly thinner spot of it around the swirl. For some reason, unlike any of the other numerous times Yuuri had been in the receiving end of this particular greeting, this time watching Earl Nikiforov perform it so smoothly irritated Yuuri. He huffed, perhaps slightly petulantly and pursed his lips.  
  
Here Yuuri was, admittedly having been tracking the alpha with his eyes for a year now in admiration, only for him to get an impersonal alpha greeting and little more than a 'nice to know you’. That might have been fine a year ago when Lady Minako hosted Yuuri's debut to the society but not now after countless parties and even some afternoon calls spent in each other's vicinity.  
  
“Not for any fault but your own, my Lord,” Yuuri shot back with a pout of foolish courage and topped it off with a stiff omega curtsy, ankles crossed, wrists exposed and head down. He kept his eyes on the alpha all through it though, momentarily even forgetting about his risky cleavage and how bending forwards might affect it.

  
A light rush of color seeped onto the alpha’s skin.  
  
Seeing that Yuuri managed to make the Earl blush, however lightly, with his words brought Yuuri a rush of twisted satisfaction. He didn't get to enjoy the alpha’s reaction for long though, as as soon as his facade had cracked, it was put up again in the form of a pleased smirk — like Yuuri's little act of defiance was exactly what he was hoping for.  
  
“Ah, yes, my apologies, Miss,” Earl Nikiforov smiled, pearly white canines glinting at Yuuri. “I must be a right fool to have missed your lovely company before.”  
  
Yuuri squinted, he wasn't sure if the Earl was actually apologising or making a jab at his manners. Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.  
  
“I'd definitely say so, my Lord.”  
  
There was a beat of silence between them. It was only softened by the muted echo of the orchestra still playing beyond the balcony doors. Finally, after a second too long for Yuuri's nerves, delighted laughter bubbled up and filled the air. Earl Nikiforov's laughter rumbled out freely and loudly, the sound of it much more appealing than any music Yuuri had heard.  
  
Yuuri swallowed.  
  
Yuuri had heard the Earl laugh before, chuckle in good taste or humm amusedly, but never quite like this. It sounded so… joyful. Heat creeped to Yuuri's cheeks once more.  
  
He swallowed again, trying to work around the feeling in his chest.  
  
When he could finally contain his laughter, the Earl bent over into a bow, a proper, deep bow all the way from his waist, and apologised, the smirk never quite leaving his lips though. “Truly, my greatest apologies, Miss. I shall endeavor never to take my eyes off of your beauty again.” As he spoke, Earl Nikiforov reached for Yuuri's hand, gently lifting it to rest on top of his own.  
  
Even through both their cloves, the moment their fingers brushed together, a spark ran through Yuuri like lightning, putting his nerve endings on edge and his blood flowing even more to his already rosy face.  
  
But instead of simply holding Yuuri's shaking hand or letting it go after the initial contact, the Earl went even further to absolutely ruin Yuuri, bringing Yuuri's hand to his lips and planting a long, searing kiss to his knuckles, never indeed taking his eyes off of Yuuri.  
  
And Yuuri… Yuuri pulsed.  
  
His heart thumped in his chest before exploding into wild beating, like a caged bird desperate to break out of his chest.  
  
And even more pressingly, his sex pulsed, rough and wanting and suddenly so wet again, utterly desperate for the alpha standing in front of him, so close.  
  
_Oh no, not again._  
  
“Shall I now get your name as well, or shall I simply find something worthy of your beauty to call you?” Earl Nikiforov smirked, all honey and smolder.  
  
Suddenly Yuuri felt a lot less annoyed and a lot more drunk… on the champagne he'd had and something else. Something tall and handsome and oozing delicious alpha pheromones in front of him. Yuuri shivered despite feeling very, quite hot under his skin and between his legs.  
  
“Ahm… K— Yuuri. Yuuri Katsuki,” Yuuri breathed out.  
  
“Mm, an absolute pleasure,” the alpha purred in answer.  
  
With his mind filled with the scent of pine trees in the winter and the musk Yuuri knew to associate with alphas, a realisation struck. If Yuuri could smell the Earl in the cold night air then surely the alpha could smell him too. Smell his usually fresh cherry blossoms turn more sugary and spicy as strange want grew in him without the excuse of suffering from his quarter yearly heat sickness.  
  
The scents heavy around them, Yuuri couldn't help but to gasp in gulps of air, positively drinking in the combination of cherry blossoms and pines. He licked his lips on instinct, watching the alpha’s eyes fall to track the movement of his tongue.  
  
Never… never had any alpha’s scent intrigued Yuuri so — it left him light-headed and confused. Was the Earl suddenly closer than before? Yuuri wanted him closer, closer in a way that wasn't appropriate, closer in a way he as an unmated omega ought not even know about.  
  
The Earl's lips looked so inviting.  
  
“M—my Lord—”  
  
“Oh, please, you must call me Victor, won't you,” Earl Nikiforov, _Victor_ , smoothly interrupted like his request _wasn't_ completely outrageous and making Yuuri blush from the mere idea of complying.  
  
Despite all his training to stay poised and elegant like a proper danseur, Yuuri fidgeted under the alpha’s gaze, hot and heavy in his own skin.  
  
“I shouldn't…” he whimpered.  
  
The alpha stepped slightly closer still, crowding Yuuri with his body heat and scent until he was firmly caged between the balcony railing and Victor's hard body. Yuuri could feel how under his jacket he was all muscle — he towered over Yuuri in stature.  
  
“I insist,” the Earl said, his breath ghosting over Yuuri's face and making his head spin. “It would be a travesty not to hear my name called from such sweet lips.”  
  
Another, needier, more embarrassing whimper bubbled out from Yuuri's throat and into the chilly night air.  
  
“Victor…”  
  
Victor let his breath out in a swoosh, his shoulders relaxing with his breathing as an easy smile spread on his lips — his scent radiated the same want Yuuri could smell on his own, but it was also laced with something else, something darker and heavier, like the scent of _hunt_ .  
  
For a moment Yuuri could feel the alpha’s heart beating just as fast as his own from where they were pressed together. Only for a moment though. All too quickly the previous smirk was back on Victor's face as his eyes shone with intent. His right hand came up slowly, hovering next to Yuuri's cheek for two heart beats, like he wanted to caress it, before he moved it away. Instead the alpha rested his hand lightly on the curve of Yuuri's waist, feeling the light fabric of the gown thoughtfully.  
  
“I must confess, I'm rather in awe of this style of gown you have on, it's much more _eye catching_ than the others here tonight,” Victor smiled, not the relaxed smile from before but much more devilish, filled with sharp canines and conquest. “Are you perhaps trying to start a new fashion statement, I would not be opposed.”  
  
Perhaps it was the spirits he had consumed or the blood actively leaving his head or just the sheer enormity of Victor's presence and scent that made Yuuri lose control of his tongue and mind. Or perhaps the sum of all of those things. Either way, his sex was actively throbbing now and it was very distracting.  
  
And Yuuri couldn't help but to notice how the alpha had yet to take his hands off of him — in fact his both palms were now rubbing slow scorching trails down Yuuri's sides in the most inappropriate manner.  
  
Yes, it was all very distracting.  
  
Like an animal confused after running headfirst into a tree, Yuuri shook his head in an attempt to understand how he got himself into this situation. He could swear his vision was starting to edge onto pink but he knew that wasn't possible, not for unbonded omegas.  
  
Victor raised one perfect eyebrow at Yuuri's continuing silence.  
  
Trying to find his voice, Yuuri spit out the first thing he could think of, “L—Lady Minako chose it, my gown that is, for me.”  
  
Gods above, it was so hard to concentrate. Yuuri had never felt like this. Like he was burning from the inside out but his skin was also on fire wherever Victor so much as grazed him, threatening to burn Yuuri into ashes and leave him bare. Not even his heat sickness when he burned and pulsed and felt so horribly empty had felt this intense.  
  
And now, with the alpha’s touch and his scent surrounding Yuuri, it was easy to imagine the heat. Easy to remember his last bedbound days of burning and imagine the alpha there by his side. He would have replaced the deep ache within Yuuri with himself instead and not stop until he'd fucked the heat out of Yuuri.Until everything would be covered in white. Until Yuuri was p—  
  
“Oh, Lady Okukawa?” Victor smirked, pulling Yuuri to the present before he could lose himself any more into the shameful, wet, indecent fantasies. Expect the current reality Yuuri found himself in was working towards indecent very quickly as well, in fact, considering proper gentlemanly and ladylike conduct, they might as well already be naked and coupling right there on the balcony considering how much proper conduct was being broken here.  
  
“You are her ward, no?” Victor asked, pushing a lock of Yuuri's hair from his eyes.  
  
“Y—yes,” Yuuri dazely answered, “She's an acquaintance of my family so she agreed to take me on as a pupil until I…” Yuuri trailed of, blushing for a different reason this time. He averted his eyes.  
  
“Until you?” Victor probed, same hand that had been in Yuuri's hair moving to turn his head back towards him, fingers putting gentle pressure on his chin.  
  
Yuuri swallowed. “Until I find a respectable match.”  
  
Victor didn't answer right away, instead searched Yuuri's face with his eyes. Finally he hummed thoughtfully, holding Yuuri just slightly tighter against him.  
  
“And you are staying here at her townhouse?”  
  
Yuuri sucked in a breath, “Oh, um yes?”  
  
Victor smirked. “Yuuri, may I call you Yuuri?” he asked, voice low like a secret and Yuuri all but gasped.  
  
_Yes, god yes_ . Yuuri had never heard his name sound so… so… worshipped. Like a moan. Yuuri's eyes flashed pink for certain this time and he was too caught up to even notice. Victor could call him by his given name any time, any place he wanted, as much as he wanted, if he only kept saying it like that always.  
  
Yuuri opened his mouth to tell him as much but managed only a pathetic whimper, almond whining — it seemed to be as much of a yes as the alpha needed though. He ran his hands over Yuuri's sides and back, far enough down to ghost over the omega's bottom. This time Yuuri did gasp out loud.  
  
“Shall we go continue our talk perhaps somewhere slightly more private, Yuuri?”  
  
Yuuri blinked, his heart skipping a beat in his chest. Surely he couldn't possibly mean...  
  
“P—private?”  
  
Victor smirked, “Yes, your rooms for example.”  
  
Oh.  
  
_Oh_ .  
  
_Private_ ...  
  
Of course. They weren't exactly innocently chatting at the balcony right now but Yuuri didn't think the Earl would actually… make such propositions to him before…  
  
Well, before making an official proposal to him.  
  
Yuuri breathed in slowly, and then out, trying to wrap his mind around everything.  
  
He knew sometimes alpha gentleman liked to, um, steal a taste of their intended before the wedding night but still… Yuuri had heard of such arrangements but it wasn't exactly a common conversation topic during afternoon tea so his information was severely lacking on the subject. Was it really more common than he thought?  
  
Maybe...  
  
No. Yuuri shouldn't…  
  
He absolutely shouldn't…  
  
It was a bad idea… A scandal in the makings.  
  
A risk on both their reputations…  
  
He should decline for tonight.  
  
He shouldn't take the alpha's hand in his own shaking one.  
  
He shouldn't lead him quickly through the house while the other guests enjoyed the party downstairs.  
  
He shouldn't unlock the doors to his bedroom.  
  
He shouldn't let the alpha lock them again behind them.  
  
He shouldn't...  
  
But we wanted to.  
  
God did he want to. Yuuri absolutely throbbed with it, ached and pulsed already dripping and absolutely embarrassed under Victor's heated gaze.  
  
Yet, Yuuri couldn't help but to be nervous now that they were alone, truly alone. He was under no illusion that the Earl was as virtuous as him, in fact, Yuuri strongly suspected that the alpha knew very much what he was about. At the age of twenty-seven, Victor did have a bit of reputation as… well, a man of passion, one might kindly put it.  
  
Nothing was ever proved but there were rumours saying the Earl had certainly enjoyed himself during his long travels a few years ago. Yet, no scorned omegas had been found or were there litters of little bastard pups running around either, so nobody knew for sure. And Yuuri certainly had spent enough time admiring the alpha from afar to have noticed if he had ever shown any interest in any of the omegas in town.  
  
He hadn't.  
  
Not until now anyway. (Yuuri still couldn't quite believe it.)  
  
At the moment though, whether Victor had or had not had partners before, it didn't matter because he only had his eyes on Yuuri.  
  
It was almost like a dream.  
  
But even in his dreams, Yuuri's nerves refused to leave him.  
  
He wasn't completely ignorant on what it was that would most likely happen next, of just how his alpha would tumble him, but he still did lack a quite a bit of knowledge in this area. The uncertainty made him anxious.  
  
Victor seemed to see it too, either reading Yuuri's face like an open book or perhaps just smelling his nervous scent. He halted his advances, setting the cloves he'd taken off on Yuuri's vanity before moving to gently push back the hair falling on Yuuri's forehead. Under the soothing pressure of Victor's fingertips, Yuuri felt already more relaxed.  
  
“Don't worry beautiful, I'll take care of you,” Victor whispered like a secret between them, which, to think about it, all of this actually was. The thought sent a burning tingle down Yuuri's spine.  
  
“Yes, please,” Yuuri pleaded just as quietly, already breathless.  
  
Victor smiled and just like that the burn in his eyes and the smirk on his lips was back. Yuuri had just a moment to register the sudden change again before the next thing he knew, he was lifted from the ground and gently but swiftly deposited on his bed. Before Yuuri could even catch his breath from the change of position, Victor was already crawling on top of him, hovering over Yuuri's smaller frame and looking more than pleased with the position they were in.  
  
Yuuri bit his lip at the compromising set up. He'd thought that perhaps they'd start with a simple kiss, ease into whatever the Earl planned to do to him. Yuuri after all had never had so much as a kiss… But instead of getting the alpha’s lips on his own like he had secretly dreamed of, Victor leaned down, bypassing Yuuri's waiting lips, and tugged his own face right to the hollow of Yuuri's neck. His nose tickled Yuuri's skin and his hot breath ghosted over the lace covering Yuuri's mating gland.  
  
“Mm, you smell divine here,” Victor murmured, voice rumbling in appreciation. He took a deep, audible breath against Yuuri's skin, making goosebumps rise everywhere his breath touched.  
  
Yuuri curled his toes, trying to control his beating heart and to come up with something to say. _Thank you, you as well smell quite delectable? In fact a mere whiff of you seems enough to make me wet like my first heat and speaking of heats, I may or may not have thought about your hands on me as I pleasured myself during them._  
  
Yes, no.  
  
Yuuri would not be saying anything of the sort th—  
  
“Ah!” Yuuri gasped. All other thought fled his mind as wet lips locked on his skin, sucking just under the collar on his neck. Yuuri was bound to have a mark there later.  
  
A second kiss on his neck followed the first, then a third and fourth until Yuuri was gasping and moaning under Victor's tongue and teeth. With every new purple mark of claim Yuuri moaned more freely, growing embarrassingly loud, not to mention wet. Briefly he wondered if it was the new sensation of someone else on his skin that made him this sensitive or if it was something distinctly Victor that unraveled him. With the alpha’s growingly thick scent around him and his blue eyes staring at Yuuri's blushing face, he knew it was definitely Victor.  
  
No one else could make Yuuri feel like this.  
  
When Victor finally lifted his face to properly look at his handiwork, Yuuri was pleased to see the soft blush now doting the alpha’s face as well. His eyes too were dilated, the previous blue of them only a thin ring around the blown up pupil. Yuuri was happy he obviously affected the alpha as well.  
  
Victor rumbled in response to Yuuri's spiking scent, hand drifting to map out the sensitive marks he'd left on Yuuri's exposed skin. Yuuri's breath hitched as the fingertips on his skin moved to rest dangerously just under the lace of his collar.  
  
Victor's eyes flicked between his hand and Yuuri's face, thoughtful as he felt the lace between his fingers. Yuuri laid dead still, holding his breath as the alpha toyed with the most important piece of clothing he had on. Slowly, so slowly it felt like Yuuri could see and feel and remember it happening all at once until it was too late to react, Victor tugged the lace up an inch before letting it snap back against the gland beneath it.  
  
Yuuri flinched with his whole body at the same time as his mouth betrayed him, letting a strangled moan of surprise out, “Ah!”  
  
Victor grinned wickedly at the reaction.  
  
The lace collar did do a rather little to actually secure Yuuri's safety, it was more perhaps to create the illusion of safety, and of modesty of course. And yet, illusion or not, Yuuri was still expected to wear it at all times.  
  
“Would you like to keep your collar on?”  
  
He should. “No.”  
  
The thought of Victor's lips directly touching him there, a place reserved only for mates, a place where no-one since Yuuri was a child had touched without barriers, a place where no-one else would touch… it was dizzyingly tempting.  
  
Yuuri's heart beated wildly when Victor set to loosen the ties of his collar. The removal of that small piece of cloth from his neck actually made him feel more naked, more exposed than even the lowest decolte imaginable ever had — this was definitely much more private, much more scandalous than a mildly outrageous gown choice made by Lady Minako. Yet, Yuuri thought, the feeling of stomach turning exposure he was used to, never came. Despite the wild beating of his heart and the burning pulse in his lower regions, he felt oddly satisfied with revealing this part of himself to Victor.  
  
Instinctively Yuuri turned his head slightly, offering more of his neck to the alpha. Victor made a noise in the back of his throat before leaning in, laying a surprisingly delicate kiss just over where his mark would go.  
  
Yuuri's eyes shut and he exhaled, the sound turning into a moan when the lips on him turned more demanding, sucking hard enough again to stain his skin red and purple.  
  
“Mm, you also taste divine here,” Victor growled, lips never leaving Yuuri's neck even as his hands began to wander. He traced Yuuri's chest, putting pressure briefly on his hard nipples before moving lower, caressing Yuuri's waist, his stomach, his hips until suddenly his hands slipped beneath Yuuri's rumbled skirt, feeling the burning skin of Yuuri's inner thighs.  
  
“Oh!”  
  
Victor raised his face at Yuuri's surprised exclamation and smirked devilishly before licking his lips. “I wonder if you're delicious here as well,” he said before sliding his hands even higher. All Yuuri could do was gape and gasp when the alpha tucked his skirts up in order to _dive_ under them, putting his face directly in front of the wet, hot, private part of Yuuri's want.  
  
Suddenly all of Yuuri's nerve endings were focused on a singular point in his body, the feeling of what could only be Victor's wet tongue lapping at him shamelessly driving Yuuri into a mindless frenzy. He threw his head back in a long moan, unable to hold any sounds back as the alpha sucked and licked at his swollen sex, making him feel hotter and more sensitive than Yuuri could recall ever feeling.  
  
So overwhelmed by the sensation of Victor lapping at his cunt, Yuuri jolted in surprise when the first finger joined the alpha’s tongue.  Smooth fingertips drew the shape of his folds, briefly flicking the bud on top before putting pressure at Yuuri's opening.  
  
Yuuri clenched subconsciously at the feeling. He tried to get a glimpse of the sight Victor was surely at the moment. All he could see though was Victor's lower half and his feet coming from under Yuuri's dress as the man pushed even more tightly into the snug space between Yuuri's glistering thighs.  
  
The teasing pressure of fingers on him turned less teasing and more purposeful. With a long, slow lick of warning against his puffy folds, a single digit slid in, immediately curving just so and hitting Yuuri in a spot to make him squirm and gasp out loud.  
  
Victor felt big, much longer and much more precise than Yuuri's own fingers ever had managed (something to do with more experience surely). Taking no time at all, his pumping and pulling allowed him to wiggle in a second finger.  
  
Yuuri's back arched off the bed and he threw his hands to desperately grasp at the sheets, trying to ground himself. The stretch of more fingers burned slightly but was overshadowed quickly by the mounting pleasure, by the growing pulsing inside his stomach. By now his cocklet was absolutely stiff and leaking as well, Yuuri could feel the additional wetness dripping onto his sweaty skin under his dress.  
  
Yuuri clenched and rubbed against the fingers in him, getting wetter and increasingly desperate the more those fingers played him. Yuuri bit his lip until he could taste blood, the cord inside him was pulled so tight it might snap at any moment, releasing the flood of pleasure just inches away.  
  
Like he could sense Yuuri's looming climax, maybe he could feel it, or even taste it on his tongue, Victor sped up his efforts, humming against Yuuri's folds as he stuck his tongue inside with his fingers. His lips almost felt like they were still smirking.  
  
With his free hand, which had been squeezing Yuuri's thigh with an iron grip so far, Victor suddenly traced Yuuri's legs up until his hand rested torturously close to his crotch. Yuuri's hips thrust up on their own, fucking himself on those fingers inside him while also desperate for more friction on his front.  
  
Victor hummed again, a muffled sound but this time the humor was definitely there. For a long few moments he simply teased Yuuri, dancing his fingers around Yuuri's erection, only ever brushing ever so lightly against it without offering true relief.  
  
Driven almost mad with want, Yuuri whined needy and embarrassing in his lust. And despite the wantonness of his shame, it did seem to get his message across — A Large hand curled around him, enveloping all of Yuuri's small length into it and giving one fast stroke in time with the hand pumping between Yuuri's legs. The second stroke already had Yuuri crying out. The third finished him.  
  
With a loud, broken shout, white hot pleasure erupted over Yuuri — his cunt clenched tighter than before, trying to suck more of the delicious fingers inside him. Slick dripped in pools onto the sheets and over his dress, most likely on Victor's already wet face as well.  
  
Yuuri felt like he stayed that way forever, suspended in his pleasure, more aware of his own body than he knew he could be. Also, more aware of someone else than before — Victor felt like gravity, pulling him in until every cell in his body was shifting to get closer, to be by his side and never leave.  
  
Finally, after what felt like ions, Yuuri could breathe again, boneless and gasping still but more in his senses. Victor had freed himself from under Yuuri's dress and was looking at him hungrily. Yuuri focused his eyes on the alpha's face and suddenly his cunt throbbed with new vigor. Painted across more than half Victor's face was Yuuri's release and slick, claiming him lewdly and serving as physical proof of how he had just claimed Yuuri in return.  
  
Yuuri knew he was blushing and most likely whining, having lost the ability to restrain himself. Victor truly looked at him like he was food. And he had been seconds ago. With his eyes completely black, swallowed by his pupils, Victor looked wild, hungry for more and like he intended to get what he wanted.  
  
Yuuri slid his gaze lower, almost unintentionally resting his eyes between the alpha’s legs, on the very eye-catching and obvious bulge there. Yuuri gulped. It was… He was clearly… well endowed.  
  
How was it supposed to fit.  
  
While Yuuri ogled at Victor's arousal, and only mildly panicked about it, Victor slid his hands behind Yuuri's back. He tucked Yuuri up easily until he was resting on his knees, close enough between the alpha’s legs that he could feel the scorching body heat coming from him and smell his lust filled scent. The musky, wintery scent of him turned almost peppery when he ran his wrists all over Yuuri's sides.  
  
“As much as I enjoy this gown on you, let's get you out of it, yes?”  
  
Yuuri could only nod dumbly, oddly twisted between feeling more embarrassed by his increasingly low number of clothes and not being able to even care in his mixed state of arousal and trepidation. With him complying to the undressing silently, letting Victor unlace his dress, pull off his stockings and finally free him of his slick ruined chemise, Yuuri was completely nude faster than he realised.  
  
Gently, despite the quick draw of his breath and the gleam in his eyes, Victor laid Yuuri back down on his back, guiding his thighs open until he could see every intimate part of Yuuri. This time Yuuri did have the sense to blush again, but he didn't close his legs.  
  
Once he seemed to deem Yuuri acceptably positioned, Victor shifted his focus on himself, swiftly undoing his trousers and reaching in.  
  
Yuuri held his breath.  
  
For a good reason.  
  
It was even bigger now that Yuuri could see it. Yuuri licked his lips nervously. Victor held his cock in hand, the flesh hard and swollen, the color of it seeping into rosy pink at the glistering tip. It curved ever so slightly to the right and when Victor pumped his own hand slowly over the length of it, his fingertips never met.  
  
It was strangely beautiful. And absolutely terrifying.  
  
Yuuri expected Victor to rid himself of the rest of his clothing next but he didn't, instead he simply settled closer between Yuuri's legs, bringing the tip of his cock against Yuuri's wet entrance.  
  
“Calm yourself, Yuuri, you are too wound up,” Victor whispered to his ear as he put more pressure between them.  
  
After a pause, Yuuri nodded, forcing the breath out of him and feeling his clenching muscles loosening. As he sagged a little, he also made himself open for Victor, the alpha wasting no time pushing in.  
  
“Umph!” Yuuri gasped, back arching and eyes widening in shock. It felt even bigger this way, pushing inside him. There was a spark of pleasure in it, imitation of the tingling sensation of earlier but even more it was muted by the burn of the stretch. It hurt more than mere fingers, opening him up much more wide, reaching so much deeper than Victor's tongue had. Yuuri couldn't help but to mewl and gasp and moan, burying his fists into the sheets.  
  
It felt like an eternity before Victor's hips finally came to a stop, flushed against Yuuri's pelvis without so much as an inch between them. Yuuri could feel all of Victor's length in him, could even see it bulging out his stomach. He moaned again, this time sounding less pained and more desperate.  
  
“Are you alright?” Victor asked, almost looking calm if it weren't for the slightest strain on his voice and the tremor on his arms where he held himself up over Yuuri.  
  
Yuuri closed his eyes for a second before opening them again, swallowing a whimper and the tears stuck in his throat. He nodded shakily before trusting his voice again, “yes, please just… please.”  
  
Victor looked at him, quiet and searching. Without a word he shifted his weight to his knees, freeing his own hands to untangle Yuuri's clenched fists from the almost torn sheets. He held them gently for a beat before settling them on his own shoulders. Yuuri automatically curled his fingers around them, grounding himself as the alpha’s body heat seeped to his hands even through his petticoat.  
  
“Alright?”  
  
Yuuri nodded, more steady this time. “Alright.”  
  
And then Victor moved.  
  
Slowly at first Victor thrust his hips, pulling his cock out before pushing back into the wet softness of Yuuri. Building up a steady rhythm he groaned lightly. Yuuri moaned at the feeling, clenching his fingers tighter into the alpha’s covered shoulders.  
  
After a few minutes Yuuri could feel himself getting accustomed to the feeling, the previous burn all but fading. The sparks of pleasure grew more defined with every slide of Victor inside until Yuuri was thrown back into a loop of constant pleasure with every push and pull. His cocklet hardened again, slapping against his stomach with their movements, already dripping. Yuuri gasped, the sound turning into a half yelp when Victor suddenly changed his angle, hitting that spot inside Yuuri that made white flame shoot up his spine.  
  
“Ah!” Yuuri moaned and screamed, unable to smother his sounds. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, from pleasure this time, as Victor hummed and picked up his pace, every thrust now expertly aimed to that one special spot.  
  
“Mmmnh.” Yuuri thrust his hip back, trying to meet Victor's moments in time with his own inexperienced ones, opening up more and more for the alpha. He felt so much — every slide of burning hot skin inside him, every pulse of his own walls massaging that flesh to milk it dry, every curve of the cock filling him… “G—ghod!”  
  
Yuuri threw his head back and moaned. He blinked his eyes open, trying to see the blurry ceiling above him through his tears. He hadn't realised he'd closed his eyes at some point but now he didn't want to miss any sight of his alpha as they became one. Yuuri turned his head away from his ceiling, expecting to meet blue eyes gazing at him.  
  
Except he didn't.  
  
Instead of looking at Yuuri, instead of watching him, never turning his eyes away like he had said before in the balcony, Victor's eyes were solely focused forward to the headboard above Yuuri's face like he was trying to drill a hole to it with his eyes. He was biting his lower lip in concentration.  
  
Yuuri's chest immediately hitched with a sliver of doubt, not nerves or embarrassment like before but with a darker and more hurtful feeling. He shook it off adamantly.  
  
“V—Victor,” Yuuri half moaned half whined, squeezing his hands on the alpha’s shoulders. Slowly, almost reluctantly, blue eyes turned down to meet his. Victor bit his lip hard enough that it looked like he'd draw blood any moment now.  
  
Yuuri's heart thumped fast, faster than it had during any of this yet. Hands shaking minisculely he let go of Victor's shoulders to grasp his face between his palms. The alpha’s cheeks blushed lightly under his touch and his hips faltered slightly.  
  
Yuuri needed… he needed that seed of doubt to burn away from his heart. “Please…” He needed… god he needed to…  
  
“Please.”  
  
“What?” Victor gasped out, finally freeing his lip from his teeth.  
  
Yuuri let out his breath and tugged, pulling Victor's face down to meet his own until their lips finally collided.  
  
It was like… lightning. Lightning going through his nerval system and setting every cell of his skin on fire as it went. Yuuri couldn't help but to crush himself closer to Victor, pushing up to meet him, squeezing his hands tighter on his face, locking his legs around Victor's stilled hips in a vice grip. Yuuri moaned into Victor's mouth.  
  
And Victor… Victor was dead still. All his muscles were painfully rigid, almost vibrating with tension as he held himself there, not moving away but not meeting Yuuri either. It lasted for a second, then another. Before the third he finally broke. All the tension fled out of him like water and suddenly he was groaning against Yuuri's lips, deep and dark, primal in away that made the back of Yuuri's neck tingle.  
  
Victor snapped his hips into movement again, thrusting into Yuuri hard and precise. And he didn't stop again once he started, hips pushing against Yuuri fast and as roughly as he could without doing actual damage.  
  
Yuuri moaned and gasped without breaking their kiss. Victor answered his sounds with deep growls, biting down on Yuuri's lower lip until he tasted blood.  
  
“Ah! Victor!”  
  
Victor let Yuuri's lip go, swiping his tongue along the marks he left there before diving deeper, pushing his tongue to meet Yuuri's own. Yuuri let him dominate the kiss, guiding Yuuri's shy tongue with his own talented one until they were absolutely entangled, breathing the same air.  
  
In the haze of the pleasure from the kiss and from Victor's cock hitting all the right places, from Victor's hands now wandering along Yuuri's burning sides, it was easy to almost miss the suddenly more pronounced pressure against his opening. Almost.  
  
Yuuri half moaned half gasped in surprise as Victor thrust in again, definitely with more resistance than before as he filled Yuuri. Filled him more than before.  
  
He was swelling. Yuuri could feel it pushing against his walls as Victor moved and tugging at his opening every time he pulled back, as if it almost couldn't fit through.  
  
Yuuri knew what it was. Victor was about to knot him. And Yuuri was nowhere near mentally prepared for it. Nerves hit him full force even as his cunt clenched desperately like it actually wanted, needed, to be knotted and pleasure clouded his head.  
  
Knotting was something to do in the marital bed when trying to produce an heir. Something so intimate and sacred yet utterly erotic that Yuuri should hardly even know of it. Knotting was—  
  
“Ah!” Yuuri yelled out loud, breaking their kiss for the first time when he could feel the moment it stuck.  
  
Victor groaned loudly, dropping his face to the crook of Yuuri neck as his hips stuttered to a stop.  
  
The knot locked inside Yuuri, stretching him so full and tight that he could barely think. And suddenly, suddenly he was so full of Victor.  
  
White flooded inside him, hot and wet and seemingly endless as it just kept on coming. Simultaneously white hot pleasure erupted through Yuuri and he too came, shouting and gasping as his cunt tried to lock impossibly tighter around the knot and his cocklet spewed robes of clear spent to the non-existent space between his and Victor's bodies.  
  
The pleasure washed him warm until Yuuri felt absolutely worn and tingly all over, his muscles turning into jelly. Suddenly the mattress felt softer than before, Victor's weight over him helping him to skin into it completely boneless.  
  
Victor nuzzled his neck, lips and nose ghosting over flaming mating glands in less fevered patterns than before but still creating sparks deep in Yuuri's spine. The attention was comforting and his release made Yuuri's mind go from hazy with lust to sluggish with bone deep, satisfied, exhaustion.  
  
It was easy for Yuuri's eyes to slip closed, feeling so fulfilled and safe.  
  
Only to wake up much later to too bright light filtering to his eyes from the open curtains and to the horrible chill on his naked body where he lied alone in the tangled mess of his bed.  
  
Alone.  
  
For a moment Yuuri stared at his ceiling, by now familiar with its many cracks and details from sleepless nights of staring. It wasn't until he'd counted them all once in his head that he dared to reach around the bed, feeling for a second body.  
  
He only found cold sheets.  
  
By the time he'd counted the cracks of the ceiling twice, he'd already had time to fear he had dreamed it all — that the most wonderful night of his life was a lie his drunken mind created.  
  
And yet… there was too much evidence.  
  
The dirty, stained and rumbled sheets were one. His wrinkled gown lying cast aside on the floor was another.  
  
And even more pressingly, the marks on his own skin — red and purple bruises covered his chest, his neck and even his sides. Yuuri could see clear indentations of teeth sunk to his shoulder. He ghosted his fingers lightly over the raised mark and winced. It was sensitive. His whole body was sensitive in fact, absolutely throbbing from somewhere deep and making sitting up uncomfortable.  
  
It wasn't a dream. And it clearly wasn't the best morning of his life like part of him had expected after the night…  
  
Maybe last night wasn't as perfect as he thought. Maybe he… maybe he had misunderstood. Maybe…  
  
Yuuri's breath hitched.  
  
_Victor_ .  
  
He wasn't here. Nobody was here. The house was silent in the early hour of the morning, too early for the servants to yet find him here like… like this.  
  
Used and bruised and covered in only a sheet to hide his modesty.  
  
Well. Not his modesty. Not anymore.  
  
Yuuri squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing, heart beating too fast. Despite everything, despite every piece of proof in his room, despite the deafening silence of his absolute solitude, Yuuri prayed and called out.  
  
“V—Victor?” The cracks in the ceiling had nothing on the crack in his voice. In his heart.  
  
There was only silence and he had his answer. What a fool he was.  
  
A sob broke out of his throat.  
  
Yuuri slumped back down on the bed, curling on his side and clutching the sheets that still held the alpha’s distinct scent. Yuuri smothered the following cries into the fabric until it was drenched with his tears.  
  
Victor wasn't here and he never was planning to stay here.  
  
There were no notes left on his bedside table.  
  
No-one came to call on him when morning finally fully came and the house woke up.  
  
There was no-one to defend him when the servants saw the incriminating marks on his tainted skin.  
  
Yuuri sobbed. And sobbed. He cried until his eyes were red and swollen — until the ache in his heart drowned out the stinging pain on his cheek caused by the Lord of the house.

* * *

  
  
  
Victor didn't feel bad when he'd sneaked off that night after having his pleasure from the beautiful omega. Yes, indeed, the omega had been extraordinarily exotic and beautiful, seducing him with his grace on the dance floor and later with his oh so sweet cries under Victor. He'd been soft, so soft and so unmarked by any other man, the inexperience clear in his lovely scent. Scent that surely now was no longer that — no longer full of innocence of an untouched omega but the one of quite thoroughly deflowered one. And thorough Victor had been apparently...  Knowing now what he did.  
  
But again, Victor hadn't felt shamed or saddened to leave the omega sleeping peacefully with his gown scattered on the floor and neck covered in indecent bruises. It wasn't like him to stay to warm his partner's beds after they were done, so he didn't.  
  
He didn't feel bad for it…  
  
(The wince in his heart when he heard the gossip that Lady Okukawa's Lord husband had thrown the poor omega in the streets when his indiscretion came to light surely had nothing to do with quilt.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Leave a comment and let me know! Thank you for reading!
> 
> As for an updating schedule, I don't have one. Unfortunately with this fic, I probably won't be able to update as regularly as I did with ITOSS (even if it could be called that then either xd). I suggest as always that you subscribe! Otherwise, I prefer Wednesdays and Saturdays for updating and will aim to update at least once a month. ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor suffers with feelings of guilt and Yuuri just suffers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Thank you all for all the love after last chapter, despite the angst I put you through. xd
> 
> This chapter is obviously a little bit shorter than the first one but that's because this one doesn't have a good 4k chunk of smut. Reasonable considering where we left things last time, I think. This will be more around the size future chapters will be too, though I can't really say for sure, shorter or longer are both possible.
> 
> Some notes: In this AU, one does not necessarily have their parent’s last name depending on rank and other variables. So the fact that Victor has a different last name than his “parents” in its own is not enough indication for everyone to know whether he is their biological son or not.
> 
> And before you read, a WARNING: this chapter contains implied past non-con to someone and mentioned attempt at non-con. All by OCs. Nothing is too graphic, but I did put *** where these mentions start and where they end. If you wish to skip that part you can ask me for a censored mini summary in the comments. There is also some little depressing thinking going on in this same *** section by Yuuri, and whatever he says or even implies in his sadness, I'd just like to say that rape, or any type of non-con, is never the victim's fault.
> 
> Now that I've probably scared you to run off to find something fluffier, please don't. XD Please read on and enjoy Victor struggling with having a conscience.

When the summon from his father came, it felt inevitable. It had been less than a month since Victor got _the letter_ , which he was yet to respond to, but despite his efforts to keep its existence and information with himself, Victor feared he already knew what this was going to be about.

 

With his face schooled carefully into pleasant aloofness with a touch of that alpha confidence, Victor knocked on Yakov's study's door before entering.

 

“Father?”

 

Yakov stood in front of the massive windows behind his desk, his back facing Victor. For a moment he said nothing and if it weren't for the oppressing, heavy cloud of tense pheromones in the air, Victor might have thought his worry was premature. _If._

 

It only took another second, too little time for Victor to properly prepare himself despite having been trying from the moment the servant called him to Yakov's study. Yakov turned and Victor fought the urge to flee. His father's face was beet red, borderline purple and the vein Victor was very familiar with on his forehead looked ready to burst.

 

Victor took a deep breath in a last minute effort to ground himself for what was coming.

 

“You _stupid_ , idiotic, knot head of a child!” Yakov screamed with one breath, pointing his finger threateningly at Victor.

 

Despite himself, Victor took a step back. “Father—”

 

“No, you shut your mouth, boy!” Victor's mouth shut with a click. “I can't believe you this time, Victor. I can't believe you! Do you have an ounce of decency in that head of yours or is the problem that all the blood in it is permanently busy in your trousers?!”

 

Victor gulped, he was sensing a theme here. He could hardly remember a time when his father had thrown so many insults at him in so little time — Not even when he'd broken Lilia’s heirloom vase at the are of fifteen or when Yakov had caught him and Christophe red handed trying to purchase some company for the night when he was seventeen.

 

There could only be a single deed of Victor's to have made Yakov so mad.

 

“What is this about?” Victor asked despite the knowing chill in his spine.

 

Yakov took a deep, labored breath. “You know exactly what this is about,” he started voice low, “Why, pray tell me Vitya, did I find out through Lilia's friend's acquaintance's _maid’s_ gossip that my son, my _heir_ _apparent,_ went and ruined the Okukawa ward nearly three months ago! _And_ got him pregnant in the process as well!” Yakov finished shouting, his voice had gotten louder throughout his whole speech until there was spit flying towards Victor.

 

Victor seemed to have… misplaced his voice. All he could do was stand there facing the man whom he called his father and listen as he screamed of his disappointment in him. The words hit Victor like a brick in the face, suddenly forcing him to truly confront the situation he'd been avoiding since he first opened that letter. Since he'd left that bedroom in Lady Okukawa's townhouse all that time ago really.

 

“You have nothing to say now, huh?” Yakov asked, eyes more hateful than Victor had ever seen. That pesky wince in his chest slashed up again. Victor still couldn't find his words.

 

“Well then, maybe you'll have something to say to this,” Yakov said, his eerily calm voice actually much scarier now than the shouting he always had loaded. He walked around his desk to stand directly in front of Victor, seeming taller somehow despite Victor having outgrown him years ago. “That boy, that poor omega you so thoughtlessly tumbled, has been out there on his own since you went and only considered your own knot. His host family kicked him to the streets and no one would take him because _apparently_ , you were not subtle about it either.

 

“And now, I first find out not only that I am apparently going to be a grandparent, but also that my grandson or granddaughter’s mother has been forced to seek help from the less than respectable parts of town. Help that does not come without a price — in his case, in exchange for the needs to keep himself and his child alive, his services have been required by the Eros.”

 

Victor's blood froze in his veins. _What._ He did not know that.

 

The Eros was… a gentlemen's club, or that's how one might describe it in the presence of a lady. In truth, it was a rather nasty establishment near the docks, run for the middle class scum with coins to spare and the occasional upper class men with less than pure desires — and they all had in common that they enjoyed the sight of less than appropriately dressed omegas dancing and performing… other services. Victor had heard that no rule was too sacred not to be broken there, and that the same policy applied to the employees as well.

 

“I—” he croaked out before stopping. He what. What was Victor going to say that would explain himself to his father. Could he even?

 

His heart thumped faster at the thought, wincing with every beat, making him want to flinch away from the feeling. Was this what guilt felt like? If it was, Victor didn't like it.

 

In his mind he pictured Yuuri at the ball, red dusting his cheeks and smiling. Dancing in his impossibly alluring gown that later found its way to the floor. He pictured Yuuri's face peaceful and innocent in his sleep, hair tousled on his pillow and lips parted ever so slightly as he sighed quietly.

 

It was hard to imagine him on the shady stages of the infamous Eros now. Yet the image of it forced its way into Victor's mind against his will. Image of Yuuri dancing in a very different manner, dressed even more scandalously than any gown could be, covered in bruises made by more than passionate kisses. Whimpering instead of moaning beautifully under Victor's touch. Belly slightly rounded by the mere months old proof of their night together...

 

Pregnant with his child.

 

_Pregnant._

 

_Pregnant._

 

_With his… his child._

 

Victor forced his eyes open from where they had fallen tightly shut — they stung as he tried to clear his throat from the invisible, vice grip around it.

 

“Where is he now?” Victor asked, voice breaking and barely louder than a whisper.

 

Yakov watched him. Watched his face for a long moment in silent evaluation before huffing. His shoulders sagged and suddenly he looked every minute of his age, worn and tired.

 

“He is on his way here.”

 

“What?!”

 

Yakov growled short and low, eyes flashing as a burst of alpha pheromones filled the study. Victor stiffened before casting his eyes down in submission. Far was it for him to forget his place in light of his recent mishaps and the troubles they were reaping on them now. Seemingly satisfied with the show of submission, though Victor doubted his father had been truly satisfied a day in his life, Yakov turned his back on Victor again. He settled back in his earlier spot, gazing at the still grounds outside as he spoke with dooming finality.

 

“Miss Katsuki is on his way here as he will be living at the manor from now forth.”

 

The words sunk in slowly until all of the realisations of what exactly this meant hit Victor all at once — Yuuri was coming to live here, in their family estate. Where Victor lived. Where Victor would continue to live long after he'd taken the title of the Duke. Where Victor would marry and raise children, heirs to take again his place and make the line live on.

 

His pregnant Yu— his Yuur— pregnant Yuuri coming here could mean few things. Surely Yakov wouldn't though...

 

As if reading his mind, Yakov whipped around like a man much younger than he was and pinned Victor down with his steely gaze. “You will be marrying that boy,” he said, no room for argument left in his voice. Victor gaped in shock. “That is, if his forgiving heart shall have your worthless ass after this.”

 

Yakov narrowed his eyes as Victor spluttered in a rather weak show of protest, “I won't have my grandchild growing up in the streets,” he warned. “Not even though they will most likely already be cursed with the unfortunate genes your father obviously passed onto you.”

 

Victor flinched. Hard.

 

He hated the mere mention of his sire, whom he refused to acknowledge as any father. And Yakov knew that. Knew how to Victor, he was the only father Victor had, or wanted, since he was but a drooling babe and he knew how it hurt to be remembered how it wasn't true. (How Victor could never truly escape the demons in his past no matter how he denied them. Denied him.)

 

Yet, now as he had ice water in his veins and his heart seemed to be beating funny, Victor couldn't think but that he deserved the pain, the reminder of how rotten he was from the start. From his very core given to him by his real father.

 

“Now leave my sight before I'm tempted to beat some sense into you, or at least the fear of god if nothing else. I need you to get yourself looking decent and ready to beg for your fiance's forgiveness within the hour,” Yakov dismissed him.

 

It took a minute to get his body to respond but when it did, Victor nodded silently and with jerky steps walked out the door. As it swung shut behind his back with a finalizing bang, Victor came to shaky stop, eyes staring into space as his mind raced along with his wildly beating heart.

 

_Fiancé..._

 

* * *

 

 

The carriage ride was uncomfortable. But then again, uncomfortable was beginning to be quite normal for Yuuri.

 

The reason for his current travel didn't help his chagrin mood either — Duke Feltsman's summon to his family estate for an extended stay was not particularly welcome with Yuuri now, even if at one time he might have been ecstatic about it. Yuuri didn't have anything against Duke Feltsman himself, he hardly knew much of the man other than he had more influence in the country than anyone else besides the King and his immediate court. Three months ago, all Yuuri felt for the man was fear and respect. Now, after everything, he couldn't help the bitter anger and blame coursing through him at the thought of the man and what he represented. Duke Feltsman was Earl Victor Nikiforov's father and Yuuri no longer thought that to be something to be proud of.

 

For a brief moment, when the vallet riding the Feltsman household carriage had arrived unexpectedly at the door steps of the Eros, Yuuri had thought it would be Victor. Foolishly, after so much evidence of the alpha not giving a shilling for Yuuri, he'd still expected him to step out of the carriage, ready to grovel for Yuuri's forgiveness and swear his undying loyalty to him. Of course that didn't happen.

 

Just as the letter promptly handed to him by someone very much not Victor, was not the answer to the desperate letter Yuuri had sent with a dying flicker of hope in one of his darker moments. Reading the words inked to the letter only served to confirm his thoughts — Victor truly had no desire for Yuuri, not for anything other than carnal pleasure at least, and never did. Not once did Duke Feltsman mention his son's feelings, thoughts or hopes about Yuuri and his current state, he only went on to speak on his own behalf about his son's shameful behavior. By the last line it was clear to Yuuri that the only reason he was rushed to gather his minimal belongings and into the carriage to be on their way to the estate, was because the Duke obviously took pity on him and wanted to uphold his family's reputation — something that would surely have been better preserved by denying Victor so much as ever met Yuuri, if not for the issue of the whole ton already having heard the latest hot gossip and then made sure everyone and their distant cousin knew about it too.

 

And so, just as seemingly the Feltsmans had no choice but to take a beggar like Yuuri in to save some of their reputation, Yuuri was in no position to refuse or even argue. In his current state, it was only a matter of time before things got worse for him if he stayed at the Eros — well, worse than they already were now.

 

He wasn't quite showing yet, the subtle curve of his stomach only visible through thin nightgowns or when he gazed at it bare in the late hours of the night. But, despite the swell of his belly still being minimal enough not to hold other people's attention, there was no covering his changed scent from any alpha.

 

 _Pregnancy drives them mad_ , Yuuri's mama once said when Yuuri, still innocent and oblivious to just how horrible the world really was, started questioning the behavior he'd began to notice in one of the alphas living in their town. At the time, his mother's words were too cryptic for him to understand and his focus easily shifted to other things. It wasn't until some years later that the words came back to him, making him see cracks in his childishly happy worldview.

 

First, Yuuri started noticing how alphas with pregnant mates became frightening, a certain aura around them making him want to avoid them even if he didn't understand why. He kept away the best he could, not giving it more thought until he had to — until he couldn't skirt away from facing it.

 

When his friend Yuuko got pregnant, Yuuri started seeing a lot more sides to alphas’ natures. Takeshi, who normally was crude and loud but always a friend to Yuuri, became obsessed with the life growing within Yuuko. Pride positively oozed from him with every mention of the pregnancy and he would speak constantly to anyone who would listen about Yuuko’s glow, but, at the same time, he would become irrationally angry if you agreed slightly too eagerly.

 

Seeing the change in someone he'd know all his life was… disturbing, but not glaring enough to make Yuuri think too deeply about it despite his omega instincts burning at the back of his head. Thinking back Yuuri wished he'd realised sooner. Realised why the gleam in alphas’ eyes made him uncomfortable, why his mind told him to keep away from them, why his mother's words were actually a warning.

 

He wished he'd realised it wasn't only the alphas with expecting mates who went crazy from a pregnant omega's scent. He didn't understand it until he saw it with his own eyes.

 

***

 

He didn't have a chance to speak with Yuuko again after… His family all but hoarded him to his rooms for weeks, not letting him out of the house even chaperoned, until one day they announced that he was to be sent away to an old friend of his mother. They said it was for him to get to dance like he truly wanted and to perhaps find love too since their little town was just too small to have appropriate suitors. Yet, Yuuri knew how rattled they really were, he knew they were sending him away because he was the only of age unmated omega in their town and after what had happened with Yuuko…

 

Before he knew it, Yuuri was on a ship waving tearful, and reluctant, goodbyes to his family. Seeing their figures grow smaller and smaller until no-one he knew and loved was in sight, he felt horrible. The absolute solitude of his voyage only magnified the tormenting images of his childhood friend surrounded and him being helpless to stop it. As the days went by, it ate at him. It wasn't until weeks worth of tossing and turning in his cabin punk that the desperation and raw hurt turned into bone chilling resignation and shame.

 

The cracks in the perfect visage he'd manufactured as a child were too large to ignore and even as he finally settled into Lady Minako's household, he couldn't forget what he'd already learned about the true colors of the world. As he danced more vigorously than ever before and attended the seemingly endless morning calls and multiple grand balls with Lady Minako, he couldn't help but to hold himself back from all of it, from everyone.

 

Until that one night.

 

Yet, it seemed it only took one. One slip in his trained vigilance and foolish hope for someone he should have known better than to fall for. One act to push the avalanche of events on his former life and hurt and break him.

 

Yuuri no longer felt guilt or shame for Yuuko, he no longer mourned what he had witnessed or wished it had never happened — he no longer felt anything but his own hurt so deep that it blocked everything else out. Hurt because he had known better. He had known better and still he ended up here.

 

Here with bruises on his wrists and chills running down his spine just thinking of the painful hold that had left them there. He could practically still smell the cigar smoke and the nasty, sweaty musk on his skin even after multiple scrubbings. He could still feel the gruff facial hair rubbing him, scratching his scent glands raw. He could still feel the hands of someone much stronger than him forcing him down and tearing at his clothes…

 

Yuuri shut his eyes with a shutter and drew a shaky breath, trying to calm his treacherous mind and heart. He hugged himself tightly, unconsciously cradling his belly as he chanted to himself in his mind.

 

_I'm safe. I am alright. I am safe… I am safe… I am…_

 

_***_

 

Yuuri couldn't even bear to think what might have happened if Celestino hadn't interrupted the scene when he did, physically prying the alpha customer off of Yuuri and getting him out of there.

 

Living in the Feltsman's manor, with Earl Nikiforov constantly there to remind Yuuri of his aching heart and growing belly, his heart would not have a chance to heal but at least he would be physically safe and most likely clear from any more psychological trauma. It would still be painful and he knew he was going to be miserable but he really had no choice. Yuuri had to get out, he had someone else to think about now too.

 

Yuuri hated Victor a little for making him feel like this. Making him so vulnerable.

 

Vulnerable because he literally lost the roof over his head after being kicked to the streets (thanks to Lady Minako's Lord husband being adamant about having a whore such as Yuuri in his house) in a city with no other place for him.

 

Vulnerable because the money for his travel home that Lady Minako solemnly had slipped to him was all too quickly robbed from him when the night turned dark and he still had nowhere to go.

 

Vulnerable because in the end, he had been forced to work in the only place that would take an omega like him once the rumours spread all through town.

 

Vulnerable because his heart was utterly crushed like it was made of glass and the pieces kept slashing at him with every breath, with every day that he felt more pregnant, with every minute of the carriage nearing Victor and his disinterest in Yuuri.

 

Yuuri would not open his heart again for Victor, he would not be hurt any more from this — whatever pieces of him remained intact, he needed them to care for the life he was now responsible for. He might not be able to deny this marriage he was slowly heading for, but he wouldn't say yes either. He would marry the Earl, if he actually even agreed to have Yuuri (he was surely fighting his father on it even at the moment), but Victor would never have him again. Not truly.

 

* * *

 

 

The mansion loomed ahead, grand and intimidating, casting shadows on the land surrounding it and on Yuuri's mind. The house looked cold to him and Yuuri couldn't help but to think how it suited the frost of Victor's eyes. By the time they stopped in front of the wide stone steps leading to the main entrance, Yuuri was impossibly even more reluctant to spend the next months, very possibly the rest of his life if Victor didn't simply send him off to a townhouse somewhere after the baby came, here.

 

Yuuri took a deep breath, clutching the cushion he sat on as the valet opened the carriage door for him, ready to help him down. Slowly, like he'd forgotten how to move, Yuuri pried his white knuckled fingers off the seat and took the helping hand. Standing at ground level, the house looked even more intimidating.

 

“This way please, Miss Katsuki,” the young valet said, startling Yuuri. He hadn't been called that politely in a while now.

 

Reluctantly, Yuuri followed the man up the steps, dragging every step that took him closer to the door and what awaited on him on the other side of it. By the time they reached the top, his heart was beating wildly in his chest and his hands shook, sweaty inside his cloves.

 

The valet reached for the door, “The family should be waiting for you just inside,” he smiled happily before adding, ”as well as your fiancé, of course.”

 

Yuuri froze. Panic seized his mind but before he had time to shout out for the man to halt, to not open the door, it was too late.

 

Yuuri stood at the entrance, his face white as a sheet, his mouth hanging open and eyes wide as he came face to face with the man who had paved the way for the ruin of his life.

 

No-one moved or said a word. The air surrounding them suddenly felt like lead pressing on Yuuri's lungs. The only thing breaking the heavy silence was the distant ticking of a grandfather clock somewhere in the house.

 

Standing there, seeing Victor in flesh and blood, smelling his scent, it all came rushing back at Yuuri. Every soft touch, every wet kiss, every sweet nothing whispered to him to fool him into a false feeling of security and to make him receptive of the advances.

 

Yuuri had to bite his lip now, forcing himself to stay upright and to not let out his own wounded, miserable, pregnant scent out. The last thing he wanted was for Victor, no, for Earl Nikiforov, to think Yuuri was so pitiful he still hoped to ensnare the alpha into caring for him and the baby. Yuuri was stronger than that, angrier than that — even if Vi— Earl Nikiforov's scent called out to him even more strongly now than it had in the past. It felt like the winter pines and sweet musk of it practically crawled under his very skin, m—

 

Someone cleared their throat and just like that the spell was broken. Yuuri snapped out of it, tearing his eyes away from the alpha's with a furious blush. After staring at the floor for a beat to try and calm himself, he lifted his eyes again, mindful to avoid the Earl, and looked to see who had brought him back to the present just now.

 

Heels clicked on the marble floor and Yuuri gulped as Lilia Baranovskaya, or as she was addressed outside the ballet world, Duchess Feltsman, stepped forward. Years ago she had broken every rule of ballet as well as herself and molded it to be born again as something even more beautiful and strong. She was one the people who had mentored and worked with Lady Minako and she still to this day was considered the greatest prima to ever step on a stage. Yuuri very much admired and feared her.

 

As she came closer, she not so subtly elbowed her husband to do the same, who grunted but complied. Duke Feltsman and Duchess Feltsman shooed Yuuri out of the doorway and properly inside before giving him space again, standing side by side to effectively leave their son hidden behind their backs. They made an intimidating couple (fitting because everything Yuuri's his life seemed to be intimidating these days).

 

Yuuri felt like he was being evaluated down to the very last shilling under their gazes. The Feltsmans were both alphas and frankly, to Yuuri, they both looked every bit as terrifying as one would think two alphas had to be to not only face society's push back on such a pairing but also to survive living with each other as both their natures fought to dominate.

 

“Hello, Miss Katsuki, welcome to our home,” Duchess Feltsman said very curtly. Her clipped and clear tone let out nothing on how she actually felt with Yuuri being there with his dirty clothes, bastard baby and tattered reputation. Yuuri could probably guess anyway.

 

“Thank you…” Yuuri averted his eyes, mumbling despite himself. Lady Minako would make him suffer for his posture. Not that Yuuri would be dancing with her any more now… or at all most likely. After the Eros he wasn't sure if that was a good thing for him or not.

 

“Erhm, yes, welcome,” Duke Feltsman coughed when the room settled in silence for a little too long again. He looked every bit as stoic and frightening as his wife but at the same time he managed to look almost as uncomfortable as Yuuri felt. Which was… understandable. Of course he was uncomfortable having to take some trollop like Yuuri in, and to marry his only son and heir too.

 

Yuuri forced a small smile for the man, though it came out more as an apologetic grimace than a smile most likely. After that the room fell silent yet again with no-one really knowing how to converse in a situation like this. Yuuri fidgeted and Duchess Feltsman pursed her lips. When no-one opened their mouth to break the awkward atmosphere, she huffed and delivered one sharp, fast, oddly graceful kick on her son's ankle from under the hem of her gown.

 

Earl Nikiforov flinched into the air like fire was under his foot and promptly turned red, throwing his mother a suffering look before clearing his throat awkwardly. For the first time since the first few moments, he made hesitant eye contact with Yuuri.

 

“Uh, Yuuri…” Victor mumbled, only to be kicked again by the Duchess. “Miss Katsuki!” He all but shrieked, correcting himself.

 

Yuuri held his breath, not knowing what to expect.

 

“I… um.. welcome,”  Victor ended up saying, his posture sagging and his eyes averting from Yuuri's. Yuuri swore he spotted Duchess Feltsman rolling her eyes.

 

“Come now child, we shall get you settled. Time's a wasting while we stand here like fools,” she ushered Yuuri forward, the last of her words pointedly directed at the Earl currently studying his shoes.

 

With one last look at Victor, despite his own efforts not to look, Yuuri followed Duchess Feltsman up the grand stairway and further into the house. Immediately Yuuri could feel being away from Victor's presence help to relax him slightly.

 

Walking through the hallways of the house, Yuuri loosened up enough to actually look around. He could see many antique looking vases and expertly painted portraits of what must have been Duke Feltsman’s family — everything practically screaming money and finesse Yuuri had no business being around of. At one point they even passed a large window looking down at ridiculously impressive gardens, filled with every color imaginable, at the back of the grounds. Yuuri gasped softly at the sight as his feet stopped moving on their own.

 

“Oh, the estate gardens, passed on with the house through centuries,” Duchess Feltsman stopped to explain in her own curt yet not unkind way when she realised Yuuri had paused to stare outside. “I of course have added my own touch through the years, as you are welcome to do now as well, should you wish to.”

 

Yuuri flinched, suddenly reminded of his place here. Surely her words were a mere formality — Yuuri might be an indefinite part of this household now but he knew he would never truly belong here. He shifted his eyes away from the beauty of the gardens and stared at his feet instead.

 

“I don't have much of a green thumb to be honest.”

 

The Duchess regarded him for a second longer than what would have been considered casual before nodding, carrying on their way. “Very well then.”

 

The rest of the walk was spent in silence until they came to what must have been the guest room wing of the house. Yuuri fidgeted uneasily with the scents cemented to the air. Despite all the other scents mixing together, Yuuri felt like the scent of pines stuck to him, making him dizzy.

 

Seeming unbothered by any scents that Yuuri may or may not have imagined, he certainly felt derailed enough lately, Duchess Feltsman crossed the hall swiftly until she came to a stop at the end “We have prepared you your own rooms of course,” she explained as she opened the door. “Should you find something lacking, feel free to ask the staff for it.”

 

Yuuri barely heard a word she said after he saw the rooms. His rooms.

 

The space was huge. To the left was a drawing room like set up of couches and ottomans in front of an already lit fireplace. The right side of the room instead was a small dining area set up. Covering the walls behind it were ceiling high, half filled bookcases — all classics in various genres from what Yuuri could see. A spark of excitement filled him just at the thought of being able to enjoy the quiet peace of reading again. Though, despite how interested he was at exploring the collection of stories and facts on black and white right away, he couldn't help his eyes straying to the back of the room. Pushed against the far wall was a huge, king size canopy bed — already dressed in multitude of pillows and soft looking blankets. On both sides of the bed were tall windows looking out to the forest surrounding the estate. A small vanity sat in front of one of them, already filled with more products Yuuri knew what to do with.

 

It was all so much.

 

“I hope this is to your satisfaction,” Duchess Feltsman said, startling Yuuri from his awe. “You of course have your own washrooms and a closet, already stocked, here,” she indicated the two doors to the left. Yuuri couldn't help but to stare silently at her.

 

To his satisfaction? This was beyond anything he had ever had or anything he deserved. Why would they—

 

 _Oh_ . Of course. Yuuri shook his head, this kindness was not for _him_. It was for the child, Victor's child. Yuuri was merely an unfortunate side effect that came with the baby.

 

Seeming to sense the change in Yuuri's mood, the Duchess hummed sadly. “I realise this is far from ideal but hopefully you can at least find yourself comfortable here.”

 

Yuuri snapped his eyes up. “Oh no! I mean, yes, this is more than enough, thank you!” He didn't want them thinking he was ungrateful no matter how unwanted he was at the situation.

 

Duchess Feltsman merely shook her head, “No, don't thank me. It is my son's fault you are in this position in the first place.” Slowly, as if careful not to intrude, she placed her slim hand on Yuuri's stomach. “You are carrying our grandchild, our only grandchild and we want you to be happy and well, comfortable in the least if happy is a bit too much to ask. As comfortable as you can.”

 

Yuuri swallowed, looking down at the barely there swell on his stomach. Talking about this so much, thinking about it the whole day and now being around Victor again, it really hit him hard that there really was a baby in there. The thought choked him up and he cleared his throat awkwardly, stepping away from the Duchess’ hand, wrapping his own around himself in support.

 

He heard her sigh before she walked back to the door, only stopping once she was already halfway out.

 

“Vitya, he's… not truly a bad person. He is impulsive and thoughtless when he needs not to be and he doesn't know how to handle the world as well as he likes to pretend to. I'm very sorry for how his actions have affected you and I assure you, we will make sure he'll treat you right from now forth and work to gain you're forgiveness and trust.”

 

Yuuri stood frozen, arms tight around himself. He bit his lip until he could taste blood.

 

“It's not easy, I know… I'll leave you to rest.” With that, she left the room. After the soft click of the door, silence fell in the space again, leaving Yuuri to listen to his own painfully beating heart.

 

He squeezed his eyes closed, shutting out the soft shades of blue in his new room that all looked like the color of Victor's eyes. Tentatively he touched his stomach.

 

_Nothing has ever been easy for me._

 

* * *

 

 

Seeing Yuuri again was… distressing. He looked every bit as beautiful as Victor reluctantly remembered, but now instead of wearing an expensive gown and rosy cheeks, he was clad in dirty clothes and his skin looked pale, hollowed in the cheeks instead of plumb with budding pregnancy. Under his eyes were dark circles.

 

And yet, his scent was even more alluring that Victor remembered — it pulled at his chest, made the glands under his shirt collar pulse and his alpha trash inside. His own unexpectedly strong reaction left him stunned, frozen with his mouth open and yet, his words utterly lost to him for the umpteenth time today.

 

He'd practiced, inside his head and twice out loud between Yakov's scolding, his own shock and before the carriage holding his apparently new fiancé had pulled to a stop in front of the estate doors. And still, the moment his eyes met Yuuri's, nothing but a single thought flooded his mind.

 

Fiancé. Mate. Betrothed. Promised to be married.

 

Yuuri casted his eyes away from Victor, like he couldn't even bear the sight of him. Victor shut eyes, feeling completely and utterly lost. What a farce of a marriage it would be between them — with his wife hating him, his future child most likely detesting him as an unfit father and Victor… Victor would be just as numb as on those days he looked at the mirror and saw nothing but the cold blue eyes of his father, his real father, staring back at him.

 

He was fit to be nobody's husband, nobody's mate, nobody's father. Not with his resemblance with his father going beyond his looks.

 

* * *

 

 

The rest of the day was rough. Yakov delivered a second harsh worded scolding once he had Victor alone again, Lilia gone to tend for Yuuri. Victor would have liked to say he took the yelling like a man but truthfully, every word thrown at him shook him more than he'd imagine. They pounded the inside of skull non-stop until he felt like screaming.

 

Mate. Father. Child. Begging. Courting.

 

How exactly did one court someone who wanted nothing to do with you and you yourself weren't sure how to even be around of? Someone who was already pregnant with your child. Honestly, Victor had no idea.

 

If the very pointed absence of him during dinner was any indication, Yuuri too clearly preferred to be left alone. Still, Lilia glared at Victor when the chair set for Yuuri was left empty, like Victor had purposefully told the omega to stay away. Yakov yelled at Victor again. Yuuri had his meal in his rooms.

 

All of his meals in fact.

 

When the maids set up late night tea and treats, as was a habit of theirs, in the parlor, once more, Yuuri did not join them.

 

The air in the room was tense enough to cut with a knife by the time the drinks were poured, one cup remaining untouched. Both Yakov and Lilia were eerily silent and practically bubbling with angry pheromones — Lilia of course was too much of a lady to let hers out but that didn't mean Victor was foolish enough to think the sentiment wasn't there. He retired early to seek out the company of the only person who didn't loathe him at the moment.

 

Makkachin greeted him happily as ever, nosing at his pant leg to let him know he wanted to be let out after being cooped up all day, a courtesy made for Yuuri's arrival since Victor's companion could be a lot to take in for some people.

 

Not bothering with a leash, as he rarely did despite Yakov's crumbles, Victor let Makkachin lead him to the patio downstairs and to the gardens. The air was nice and cool this time of night, helping with the constant burn Victor had felt under his skin all day.

 

Makkachin too was happy to be outside, roaming between the bushes excitedly, accustomed to the gardens and finding his favorite spots with ease. With the poodle leading them, they soon made in to the rose filled heart of the garden. (They both enjoyed this part of the garden best, though for different reasons as Victor rarely used the prized rose bushes as lavatory.) Victor let his mind wander as they walked, hardly paying attention as they rounded a corner to the clearing.

 

Expecting to find the space empty, Victor nearly jumped out if his skin when instead he was suddenly faced with the source of his current distress. Scrambling back behind a bush, Victor slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his surprised gasp.

 

Yuuri was dressed lightly despite the chill, clearly a habit of his, Victor mused. Covering his body was merely a thin nightgown, almost sheer against the few lanterns placed along the path through the garden. At first glance, it looked like he was just standing there but once Victor calmed down enough to actually watch what the omega was doing out so late, he realised that Yuuri was clearly admiring the roses — the exotic blue ones Lilia had contributed to the garden after marrying Yakov. Yuuri sniffed the flowers, swaying softly from one foot to the other, he looked like he wasn't even aware of it.

 

During the long hours of the day, whenever Yakov wasn't yelling at him and Lilia scoffing towards him, not actually even looking at him, Victor had done some research. Granted, not a whole lot since sources willing to talk to him at the moment were quite non-existent within the manor. Yet, he had managed to find out something about his fiancé.

 

Yuuri was a dancer. Something that ought to have been obvious from the way he moved, from the way he carried himself — and for heaven's sake, Victor had actually witnessed him _dancing_ before, at Lady Okukawa's, whose ward Yuuri was, ball. Yuuri was her prodigy.

 

Victor truly just might be an idiot for not noticing sooner. For, once you truly paid attention, it was obvious Yuuri practically bled music with every movement of his body.

 

Even at the moment, bare footed and thinking he was alone at the gardens, Yuuri looked like his body itched to dance freely, to leap and twirl across the grass. Victor wondered what held him back — if the current situation, Victor's hand (and _other_ body parts) had something to do with his reluctance.

 

It was unexpectedly sad, watching Yuuri's little sways morph into something more and more like dance as his face twisted with every element of ballet he performed. Every once in a while, as he twirled or traced small, intricate steps into the grass, his eyes fell closed and the frown on his brow softened. Little by little he seemed to get lost in it, in the melody he was creating.

 

Victor felt mesmerized, he couldn't turn away from the sight even when he knew he had no right to witness it. His eyes traveled Yuuri's moving form like in a trans — through his nightgown Victor could clearly see smooth skin, his thick thighs, his slim ankles… As Yuuri leaned his body into a graceful arabesque, the lanterns behind him painted him in an unearthly glow. Through his gown, the perfect silhouette of his body bending to the pose could be seen. Victor's heart flipped at the sight of the ever so slight curve of his belly.

 

He could see it, he could actually see it. His… his baby.

 

Victor was so transfixed at the sight of it, he couldn't stop what happened next before it was too late. Involuntarily, he took a step forward, pulled by some invisible cord towards Yuuri. Makkachin, who so far had been patiently sitting by Victor waiting to see what his owner was doing, seemed to take the action as permission to barrel forward as well, eager to finally greet the beautiful new person. And by greet, Makkachin of course meant suddenly startling Yuuri and jumping all over him, knocking the omega down.

 

“Oh my g— Makka!” Victor yelped before jumping forward fully from behind his hiding place, struggling to pull the excited dog from slobbering all over his fiancé. Getting just a few more licks in, Makkachin eventually went willingly when Victor pulled at him. The dog settled to sit down on his haunches, panting happily with his tail wagging as Victor panicked.

 

He hovered over Yuuri, moving to help him up. “Are you alright, Yuuri? Does anything hu—”

 

Yuuri slapped his hands away, flinching away before getting to his feet on his own. “Don't touch me.”

 

Victor stopped. His hands fell back to his sides and he licked his dry lips.

 

Right. The hating Victor thing, how could he forget. He shifted awkwardly.

 

“I— I'm sorry, Yuuri, I—”

 

“It's fine, _my Lord,_ ” Yuuri practically spit out, creating even more space between them. The way he addressed Victor left no doubt of his disdain for the alpha.

 

Victor fidgeted. He felt like he should say something, find some magic words to make the air less heavy with tense pheromones, to ease Yuuri's posture and make the omega hate him less. Words, despite having successfully fooled the whole ton to think so, were _not_ his speciality. In reality, Victor put his foot in his mouth more often than not when he wasn't one hundred percent confident in a situation — something that had gotten him quite a bit of scoldings and trouble in his youth. It seemed the habit was making its return now.

 

“Perhaps you should consider asking Lilia for dance classes.”

 

Yuuri stared at him.

 

Even as the words left his mouth, Victor could taste just how wrong they were — and the look on Yuuri's face more than confirmed it. Victor barely managed not to flinch at his own stupidity before he hurried to explain, or at least tried to, “I only mean, considering she's… not because you need t—”

 

Yuuri cut him of with a huff, his cheeks turning angry red in splotches. “I think I've had as much fresh air as I needed, pardon me,” Yuuri almost spit out from behind his teeth before stormiest past Victor to the direction of the house. All Victor could do was stare at Yuuri's retreating back, the omega's angry scent lingering in his nose.

 

“He really does hate me, Makka,” Victor sighed.

 

His dog huffed in response, ears flapping as he bounced up from where he had been sitting before taking off after the omega. His tail wagged excitedly as he abandoned Victor between their favorite rose bushes.

 

God, Victor really was a knot head, wasn't he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like it? Cry to me about it in the comments! 
> 
> Next chapter is in the works so hopefully I can keep this momentum going even as school picks up again. I'm also slowly working on other writing projects but at least this month, I'm also very busy with art stuff so I'm pretty booked. Feel free to bug me about writing/art stuff and look for updates on my tumblr!
> 
> Until next time! Maybe I can even give the boys a break finally by them, maybe. ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Courting is difficult but opening up and just being honest is even harder. What's an alpha gotta do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Sorry I couldn't quite keep up the three week update schedule. Hopefully this will be worth it though. I'm a little nervous honestly with this chapter, hopefully it reads like I wanted.
> 
> Some timeline things and recap to clear everything up before you read though:
> 
> Yuuri and Victor make the baby at moment x. Yuuri is shortly after kicked out and goes to work/room at the Eros about two weeks later, so x + 2 weeks.
> 
> Yuuri realises he's pregnant about three week after that. (X + 5 weeks)
> 
> Yuuri sends Victor the letter around x + 7 weeks. Victor doesn't answer for over two weeks. During this time the attempted non-con happens at Eros (x + 7-9 weeks). Yakov sends for Yuuri a little after that and Yuuri arrives at the estate around X + 10 weeks.
> 
> Chapter three begins around X + 12-13 weeks and covers several weeks.
> 
> There's also some little notes regarding stuff in this chapter (nothing to worry about) at the end notes but they are spoilery so I hope you'll read them after.
> 
> Please enjoy!

The following weeks saw little improvement with the whole 'courting and begging for forgiveness’ business Yakov forced Victor into in order to get into Yuuri's good graces. Yuuri hardly left his rooms, or if he did, he was a master at avoiding Victor when he did. The alpha actually suspected the staff had turned against him, helping Yuuri sneak around without running into him.

 

Victor spent his days working in his study, gaining experience for when he took over for Yakov (if that was still happening. He bet his little cousin Yuri was starting to look a lot more appealing to the position of heir apparent). When he wasn't working he worried, struggling to solve the tangled web of his own feelings. They were all quite intangible for him. All but his alpha side. That bastard was the simplest fool, whining non-stop until it drove Victor mad. His alpha side pined to comfort the clearly distressed, battered omega under the same roof.

 

All in all, Victor knew he needed advice on how to deal with all of this confusion in his life now. Yet, it wasn't as simple as he'd liked to get the answers, or even some moral support.

 

His usual friend in woes was absent. Makkachin to whom he relayed all of his insecurities and worries normally had taken to Yuuri just like everyone else in the estate. Victor hardly saw the pooch anymore. It left him with very few choices of confidants.

 

His father was out of the question. The air between them had turned tense since Yuuri arrived and it hadn't plateaued yet. Whatever Victor would have to say now would only get cold scoffs or angry yells back.

 

Lilia wouldn't help him either. She actually seemed to prefer Yuuri over her adopted son ever since Yuuri settled in. Not that Victor blamed her. Aside from Makkachin, Lilia seemed to be the only person Yuuri was actually talking to in the manor and despite her sometimes even cold exterior, Victor knew his mother had a soft spot for people with inner beauty.

 

Out of his family, it only left him with the option of cousin Yuri and that was hardly even option. Not if Victor intended to remain attached to his lower parts. He was too young, if not innocent, anyway.

 

With his family ruled out, and because he wasn't about go open up to a priest, it only left his friends. Which, again, was a problem of its own.

 

Victor might have been sociable, well liked and lusted even in non sexual relations but in his heart if hearts, he actually had very few people he considered truly his friends. He couldn't be careless with his choices and risk feeding flames to the gossips about him and Yuuri, gossips he hoped were already fading away by now.

 

For a few days he held himself back, brooding alone in his mess of emotions. He tormented himself trying to find the solution alone but it was surely better than aggravating the situation.

 

That was until he actually got the full picture of his situation.

 

During the day, Victor had ran to town on some urgent business and had the realisation there seemed to be nothing lingering about the gossip of his and Yuuri's tryst. Nothing lingering in the sense it still seemed to be all the ton talked about.

 

A few ladies and gentlemen stopped him on the streets, giggling and expressing their sympathies of having to marry so below his class. One older alpha Lord catched him after Victor was done delegating his business with the Popovich house. He strongly suggested finding someone _proper_ to fill his time while Yuuri could bear the children — his own recently debuted daughter was suggested for the position.

 

After getting back, much later than planned thanks to all the unwanted interruptions, Victor reevaluated that getting advice from someone he trusted not to most likely betray him could hardly do any more harm. Which is why he ended up summoning Lord Giacometti over to the estate.

 

It only took Victor another minute or two once his friend settled to his personal sitting room to realise his mistake once again.

 

Without so much as ‘how do you do’ or a friendly handshake after not seeing each other for a few weeks, Christophe merely barged in and helped himself to a rather generous helping of Victor's most valuable brandy. He shook it back quickly before pouring himself another, only sipping this one before he turned to glare at Victor over the rim if the glass. Through the crystal the frown on his lips looked even more pronounced. It seemed even Christophe had heard all of the the gossip of Victor's actions already. Victor probably should have been able to guess as much, his friend was notorious for getting his nose in everybody's business.

 

Telling Christophe all the indecent details of the affair would likely earn Victor nothing but his friend's increasing hatred. Yet, Victor had a burning need to seek help — to right the wrongs he'd done against Yuuri. It all came back to Yuuri in the end. Victor toyed with the notion of fibbing he was merely concerned for his reputation but he could hardly even think the words with a straight face. Christophe knew him too well to buy it either. And he seemed to know Yuuri too so being an ass about it was probably a bad approach.

 

“Christophe…” Victor started hesitantly, sitting down facing where his friend was still standing. Victor wrung his hands together. “I, um, have a problem.”

 

Christophe merely raised one eyebrow at him, looking rather unimpressed as he sipped his drink. “You don't say.”

 

Victor gulped. “Hah yes, right. I think you might have heard already…”

 

“Mm, I hear a lot of things. Why don't you enlighten me, _dear Victor._ ”

 

Alright, he was definitely angry already then.

 

“Uh,” Victor huffed. He steeled himself before forcing the truth out. “I may have gotten Miss Katsuki with child. He is… currently staying here as well. As my… fiancé,” Victor dared a glance at Christophe. If he was Makkachin, Victor was sure he'd cover with his tail between his legs before his friend right about now.

 

“It has become glaringly obvious these past days for me that he truly is carrying _my_ child. His scent even bares a hint of pines now, unlike when we first met. Not that I've had abundant of opportunities to analyze his scent as we have very few, if any, interactions though he now are supposedly engaged. I'm afraid he... he quite despises me.” Victor refrained from looking at his friend this time,quite sure what he would see. He could basically hear Christophe huffing and grinding his teeth in an effort to compose himself instead of biting Victor's head off.

 

Once Christophe finally opened his mouth to speak, his tone was far too clipped to be called friendly. An eavesdropper would never guess that they were in fact close enough to have once tried shaving spots not quite easily accessible to oneself for each other.

 

“And was it not _glaringly_ obvious before, the parentage of his child? You did deflower the boy for God's sakes, Victor!”

 

“Uhm… well.”

 

Christophe huffed and leaned forward, his eyes burning holes to Victor. “Don't tell me you considered him a liar? Did you figure he'd gone and shagged some other unfortunate fool stupid enough to forget to cover their knot or I don't know, to knot someone they ought have even been alone with in the first place? You thought after he was done being no doubt wrecked by you, he simply went looking for another round? And you thought that someone he found just must have had more dominant alpha spunk than you?”

 

Victor blanched at the puff of angry, actually angry, pheromones coming from his friend. The shame of knowing he deserved his friend's anger put an uncomfortable blush on his face.

 

“Did you really take Miss Katsuki as someone with loose legs and morals?” Christophe asked. His voice was much calmer now but as he put down his drink and finally sat across from Victor, there still was no mistaking the accusation in his eyes. Eyes that firmly stared at Victor.

 

“Victor, you know you're my dearest friend and I do quite adore you, even respect you occasionally, but you really can be a grade A douche. That boy, Miss Katsuki, has been sweet on you since the moment Lady Okukawa took him in and he first laid eyes on you.

 

“I'm sure he was over the moon when you finally showed some interest for the first time and things got out of hand. And I'm sure he was worried for his reputation when he let you tumble him but he probably trusted that it meant you were just as sweet on _him,_ instead of just thinking with your cock. For what I actually know of him, he is the loveliest, kindest, most incredibly naive person in the world and he couldn't possibly have foreseen you sneaking off after you so thoroughly and unsubtly took his virtue at a party held for _all_ of the beau monde, also known as the worst gossip mongers in all of the land!” Christophe barely stopped to breath during his lecture, his voice rising towards shouting again at the end as his own words aggravated him.

 

Victor felt just as affected by the words, but he felt no urge to yell. For the first time in so long that he had almost forgotten how it felt, he desperately wanted to be smaller, to curl up and disappear from the weight of his actions. From the very real consequences facing him with every angry face that used to be a friend, with every dismissing huff from the woman he considered close enough to be his mother, with every turned back of his future mate. More and more Victor was convinced the feeling eating at his chest and making breathing difficult was guilt. He didn't know how to get rid of it or how to fix it on his own so he really needed Christophe not to hate him but to help him.

 

“I can't change what I have done now,” Victor started hesitantly, looking down at his tightly clasped hands. “And I can't change the fact that Yakov insists the best, the only, course of action now is to wed and raise the— the baby as my heir should it be a male or an alpha. Fighting him on this, not that I would, would be useless too. Even Lilia adores Yuuri, and you know she hardly cares for anyone. Because even as I suppose she does love me, she hardly likes me very much. Especially now.”

 

Christophe huffed a laugh at the last confession, albeit a small rather humorless one. “I'm not surprised by that honestly,” he said before elaborating, “The thing with Yuuri, Victor, is that I think he doesn't think he deserves to be treated very well. And with those other jealous omegas and their mamas constantly whispering confirmations of that to him behind Lady Okukawa's ear, he has had no reason to believe otherwise.

 

“In fact, did you know that he actually once told me in passing, while playing it off as a jest even though I could see it worrying him, that he thought his parents knew he'd never catch a husband here. That he was too old and too plain to be matched, to be cared for by anyone. He said his parents most likely just sent him away due to some trouble there and to get rid of him for a while before he came home to be an old maid in their corners.”

 

Victor gaped, eyes huge as his jaw hit the floor. Yuuri honestly thought that about himself… How could he?

 

“By the look on your face, I think I can say we both know that to be utter bull’s shit,” Christophe almost laughed for real this time before getting very stoic again. “And just so you realise this Victor, I'm going to spell it out to you. If you don't treat Yuuri right, there sure as hell will be others lining up for a chance to do just that. Someone who will love him like he deserves.”

 

Victor physically startled, looking up from his wrung out hands at his friend. _Someone who will love him like he deserves._ Victor swallowed around the bit permanently stuck in his throat. He wondered if it was possible that he could actually be dense enough here to have missed something so major as his best friend's feelings.

 

Voice cracking, he forced the question out, “Do you— Christophe, do you have feelings for Yuuri?”

 

The more the silence stretched around them, the more violently Victor's heart seemed to beat suddenly. His skin crawled as he waited for the confirmation that he was truly the worst person on this earth.

 

Yet it didn't come. After minute of tormenting silence and intense eye contact, Christophe sighed heavily, the fight leaving him. He reached back for his half drunk brandy and took a big gulp before putting Victor out of his misery.

 

“No, Victor, I am not in love with Yuuri,” he said grimly. Immediately Victor could feel the tension bleeding out of his spine at those simple words.

 

“I may have entertained the thought of suggesting courtship once or twice but I always knew I had no chance — did I not just tell you how obvious Yuuri's affection for you has been. Misguided, but obvious and unrelenting. He's had no eyes for anyone else,” Christophe shook his head regretfully.

 

Victor blinked, the bridge of his nose feeling quite hot and suddenly his heart beated fast in a very different rhythm. He tried to force it to calm down by pressing the palm of his hand against his fluttering chest. The only words he could manage in responding were a small _oh_ that had Christophe scoffing yet again at him and rolling his eyes.

 

Relief. What he felt was relieved. Relieved that his best friend didn't love the man he… the man he… His fiancé. And relieved that with his actions, he hadn't hurt even more people than he thought.

 

At least he thought he hadn't.

 

“And, not that you asked, I met someone,” Christophe said, sounding both smug, irritated at having to _tell_ Victor that and actually truly happy for the first time in their conversation. “A lovely Frenchman visiting some extended family. He has agreed to hold his plans of return for now and I have officially been granted the approval to court him, starting last month.”

 

Victor blinked, shocked at the sudden revelation. Now that he payed attention, truly looked at his friend, he could see it. He could see the smile almost forcefully tucking the corners of his mouth, the shine of blossoming happiness in his eyes.

 

“Oh… um, congratulations.” Victor truly was a horrible person, a bad friend. He'd been so self-centered for the last weeks, struggling his own demons that he had completely neglected everyone else. Kind of how he had neglected Yuuri following the weeks after the letter because he only thought about how it affected _him._

 

Christophe barked a laugh and shook his head, snapping Victor back to focus. “Thank you, my friend. He is truly wonderful and I am very happy with him.”

 

Victor smiled too, small but genuine at his friend's good fortune. Yet, even as they lapsed to the first comfortably silence of the whole day, he couldn't help the small twinge of jealousy very deep inside him. He couldn't help but to wonder what his life could be if everything was different, if he was different.

 

Even with the situation as it was, Yuuri had fallen so easily to his family. Even with the pain and heartache and the burdens on both their lives, Yuuri's presence felt almost natural. It scared Victor how much he craved the easy closeness he felt they could have if things were different.

 

After a while, Victor spoke again. “You know, even cousin Yuri likes Yuuri.”

 

Christophe bursted out laughing. “Oh wow, that's certainly an accomplishment.”

 

“Yes,” Victor hummed, almost smiling. “So, just… please tell me what I can do now.”

 

* * *

 

 

After Christophe walked Victor through the intricacies of courting he'd never actually bothered to learn himself, Victor thought things would be much easier going forward. He even got a book named something like 'Handbook to successfully courting high society omegas’ and in it were actual gifts and suggestions already listed, ready to be taken advantage of. He couldn't fail with it.

 

Oh how wrong he'd been to think that.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri stared at the embroidery set presented to him by his fiancé. Slowly he slid his eyes up to look at Victor's seemingly earnest expression before he couldn't help but to look back at the gift.

 

Yuuri pursed his lips, breathing through his nose to try and rein in his own scent.

 

Victor had been… courting him, Yuuri supposed was the closest term for it, the last couple of weeks. Calling it courting was generous though, Yuuri thought. Because this certainly wasn't what he had once thought about when he dreamt of his future. He'd dreamt of courting where both parties were happy to actually be courting each other, unlike forced to suffer through it like they now were. He'd dreamt about courting where the gifts would be thoughtful and genuine in intent instead so far misguided that Yuuri could barely even accept them with a grimace. He'd dreamt about courting where they were so in love they could hardly wait to bond…

 

Instead he was here. And nothing would change it now so Yuuri had merely gritted his teeth these past weeks and taken it.

 

The first gift had been a book — poetry. Something Yuuri almost could have even enjoyed and for a blissful half a second when Victor had suddenly nearly tripped him in a hallway, he'd been positively surprised by the gift. Until he had looked closer. _Love Poems for Omegas._ Also known as poetry written by alphas for the perfect little simpering idiot they thought all omegas ought to be. Yuuri was well enough acquainted with the book from seeing copies of it on the parlor tables of some of the omega's he used to visit with Minako.

 

After that, Yuuri had taken to avoiding Victor even more. Some of the maids who had also helped him earlier to stay out of everyone's way even slipped him the Earl's itinerary.

 

However, despite all the checking around corners before turning to another hallway and asking someone to check if the library was empty before entering, Victor had kept finding Yuuri. Him popping up at the most unwelcome times had ultimately led to Yuuri  resigning that hiding was more effort than letting Victor pester him until he was satisfied and would leave him be for a while at least.

 

The gifts that followed Yuuri's reluctant approval of the “courting” were hardly better than the first. Amongst them were flower cards with absolutely no information on the flowers, just pretty pictures, cloves too tight for his hands ( they were quite clearly designed for the more delicate hands of female omegas) and horribly flashy bonnet Yuuri would never sit on top of his head in the fear it might sprout actual wings and fly away. The only thing that could possibly be missing was an actual _scented_ handkerchief but even Victor seemed smarter than that.

 

Well, a scented handkerchief and a embroidery set obviously.

 

Yuuri was honestly so frustrated by this point. Victor clearly didn't regarded him as an individual person enough because he hadn't taken any initiative to find what Yuuri might actually enjoy instead of just assuming. Yuuri actually was starting to suspect that the Earl had swallowed one if those horrible guide books on perfect omega's and just followed it blindly.

 

So, no, Yuuri shouldn't have been so surprised with the newest gift thrust upon him while he was trying to immerse himself in a particularly diverse book he'd found lying around on one the drawing room tables.

 

Yuuri couldn't help himself, he rubbed his hand over his face. After too many heavy

moments of silence and perhaps a tiny amount of his frustrated pheromones escaping him, he could practically feel Victor starting to falter slightly.

 

“Um… you do pinpoint, don't you?” Victor asked hesitantly, tucking at his jacket collar in a self-conscious manner.

 

Yuuri swallowed his urge to say something horribly improper and instead just huffed out a gritted no. “No, I do not in fact pinpoint. Have you once seen me with so much as a needle in my hand?”

 

The way the alpha’s shoulders sagged in response was almost comical, reminding Yuuri of a scolded dog. “Uh… I thought perhaps because… you were in need of a… new set…” He looked slightly flushed to his credit at least, the color rising to his cheeks. Slowly he withdrew the gift as he seemed to realise Yuuri would not be accepting it this time.

 

“I'm sorry, I honestly simply thought…”

 

“I doubt you did,” Yuuri muttered, cutting the Earl off from his awkward reasonings and rolling his eyes despite the very unladylike nature of it — growing up with Mari had its effect on him.

 

Victor looked uncomfortable, shifting the gift from one hand to the other. He looked like right about now he wished was anywhere else but here. Yet, as Yuuri kept staring at him, he didn't move. It was almost like he was waiting for Yuuri to excuse him.

 

_Huh._

 

Yuuri was surprised he somehow held such authority over the alpha. That was definitely new.

 

But no matter how uncomfortable Victor might have been right now, Yuuri would bet it didn't hold a candle to his misery over the past months. He'd been scoffed at, thrown out, abused and ridiculed, on top of which he felt more and more pregnant every day — his back hurt, his ankles had swollen so much no-one would ever describe them as well-turned and he was constantly getting sick until he threw up more often than he ate.

 

Victor deserved a little petty misery in his books, even if he hadn't been anything but somewhat cordial, and slightly thoughtless but it wasn't anything Yuuri hadn't known to expect from an alpha, towards Yuuri since he got here.

 

“I'll have you know,” Yuuri ended up saying after letting his build up frustration take over, “I don't spend my days knitting pretty pictures and daydreaming about cute mitten patterns or the perfect quality of yarn. And I hardly appreciate you thinking such of me either.”

 

If Yuuri couldn't actually without foolish consequences tell Victor to just leave him be and to stop with the farce of courting neither of them enjoyed, then at least he could try and get the Earl to finally realise that while there definitely were those empty minded shallow omegas out there, Yuuri was _not_ like that. He actually had real interests, opinions on the world and society and he in fact actually had rubbed two brain cells together more than once to produce an intelligent thought.

 

And yet, Victor simply stared at him, mouth hanging slightly open at Yuuri's outburst.

 

_Honestly, why people thought alpha’s were supposed to be the smart ones…_

 

Yuuri sighed. He felt very tired suddenly. “My head aches, I would appreciate some privacy, please,” he said, the _go away now_ was hopefully clearly implied in his tone as he rubbed his forehead. He wasn't even lying about his head — constantly being on such a foul mood did actually hurt his head.

 

“Ah, I— yes, my apologies,” Victor stuttered, snapping back from his confusion. It seemed this time he understood the message between the lines as well because as soon as he was done with hs apologies, he hastily turned around to head out of the door. “I'll have a maid bring up some herb tea for you — for your head.”

 

Yuuri shut his eyes, not bothering to make polite eye contact anymore as he murmured a quiet thank you. He only reopened his eyes once he heard the door click shut and he was peacefully alone again.

 

With a deep breath, Yuuri dropped to sit on the lounger, leaning his head on the soft cushions until he was more horizontal than sitting properly. He had lost his good mood to enjoy the book from earlier.

 

Might as well rest his eyes as he waited for the tea then.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor fled the drawing room with his face on fire. Once the door banged heavily shut behind him, he slumped against it and slid to the floor. The embroideryt set he'd been so sure would finally impress Yuuri fell from his hands with a pathetic thump.

 

He couldn't seem to get it right with the gifts so far no matter how stylish and expensive things he got. Maybe they were too boring, too unoriginal to impress Yuuri or make up for the fact that their courtship, the term applied very loosely, was not exactly one from everyone's childhood dreams. But what could Victor do if not buy beautiful things for Yuuri? Romantic gestures were hardly an option and Victor had no idea what hobbies Yuuri did actually enjoy since apparently poems, fashion and needle works had all been a miss. And it wasn't like he could simply ask.  What options were there left for him then?

 

Surely there must have been something Yuuri would like. Something more extravagant than the average courting gifts. Something unique and symbolising of courting so Yuuri would know Victor took this seriously despite the arrangement being made by his father in face of no other options.

 

Victor scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to think of something. The cool metal of his family ring rubbed soothingly against his still hot cheeks.

 

_Ah!_

 

He got it! Victor let his hands drop from his face and instead help his left one up so he could see it. On his ring finger the golden band with his family seal glinted back at him. Victor smiled finally, he had the perfect idea. Jewelry!

 

You couldn't go wrong with jewelry!

 

* * *

 

 

 

It went so, so horribly wrong.

 

The whole dinner had been bad from the moment Victor had shown up, jewel box tucked away in his breast pocket, waiting for the right moment. Looking back, he should have waited longer, he should have waited forever and not give the gift to Yuuri _ever._

 

It was still a rare sight for Yuuri to join them for dinner and his presence and the knowledge of his earlier failures made Victor feel oddly nervous almost. The gift box sat heavy against his wildly beating heart all through the first course as the conversation went on rather stiffly between the four of them.

 

In the end, Lilia was the one to end the awkward silence, elegantly ignoring the fact that the atmosphere had been more than a little awkward all night.

 

“Yuuri,” she started, startling the omega to look up from his soup for the first time during the meal. Lilia ignored his surprise, “I am going into town tomorrow on some business, perhaps you'd care to join me? An outing and some fresh air are surely in order for you.”

 

Yuuri looked even more startled at the not so subtle suggestion to leave the sanctuary of his room more. “Oh um, I'm not sure, I wouldn't want to be in the way…”

 

“Nonsense,” Lilia scoffed. “We should visit the tailor anyway, get you fitted for some new garments before your current ones get too small for you.”

 

Victor blushed, unable to help himself from sneaking a look at Yuuri's gently rounded stomach. Yuuri too turned red, biting his lower lip at the mention of his growing form. Victor was far from a prude, obviously, but the blatant mention of Yuuri's figure growing more pregnant added with Yuuri's flustered reaction felt far more intimate than any crude illicites did. He had to gulp down his drink to try and keep his composure as Yuuri and Lilia continued their conversation as if they were alone.

 

“I supposed I will need something new to wear soon,” Yuuri mumbled head down. “I was kind of hoping I could just keep loosening the lacings of my dresses but I suppose there's only so long that will be enough... ”

 

The image of loosening the ties of Yuuri's dress to uncover his unblemished skin assaulted Victor's mind. He nearly choked on his drink and actually might have spluttered in protest if Yakov hadn't beaten him to it.

 

Yakov cleared his throat loudly to stop the two from saying any more. If Victor didn't know him so well, he might not have noticed how the older man looked slightly flustered by the topic as well.

 

“I'll let the staff know to prepare a carriage for you first thing in the morning. Which reminds me, I'd suggest you head for the tailor first since appropriate wear will be needed sooner rather than later,” Yakov said, frowning more than usual.

Lilia arched her brow in question and Yuuri looked between them curiously. Victor too wondered since when his father had taken to dictating any aspects of Lilia’s schedule.

 

Yakov coughed awkwardly at the eyes on him before explaining with a shake if his head. “We have received an invitation to another banquet. Victor will be expected to bring along his fiancé.”

 

Victor startled, turning to look at Yuuri who was looking at him too, cheeks pink and mouth open. Flushing himself, Victor turned back to Yakov with a frown, ready to complain that they were hardly ready to prance around in some party for the ton to whisper about. He really couldn't imagine how attending something's like this any time soon with Yuuri could end well.

 

Before he could voice his protest though, Yakov stopped him by holding out his hand. “It's held by one of the other Dukes, Vitya. We have no choice but to accept the invitation or offend them with our refusal. And you know that is not an option.”

 

Victor deflated. A Duke. It had to be a Duke. Any other member of the society but the Dukes and the King himself they could afford to refuse.

 

Yakov too was clearly displeased about this. Though… why? Victor suddenly wondered. He knew that objectively any invitation right now wasn't very welcome but Yakov looked more irritated than a simple inconvenience should make him. Which would mean there was something about this invitation in particular.

 

Victor's eyes widened in horror as a thought occurred to him.

 

“Which Duke is it?” Victor asked, heart beating in anticipation as he feared his suspicion might be right.

 

Yakov pursed his lips and frowned. The expression already had dread creeping on Victor's spine. When his father finally opened his mouth and said the words Victor least wanted to hear, his suspicion was confirmed.

 

“Duke Treadwell.”

 

Immediately, Victor almost growled. He swallowed the angry rumble just barely before he could scandalize Yuuri.

 

Victor hated that man, Cornelius Treadwell. He was part of the group of upper class alphas Victor was expected to spend time with — they often played cards, attended whiskey tastings and event as a group. Victor liked almost none of the Lords in the group, except Christophe, but Duke Treadwell he actually despised. He was the epitome of a slimy alpha bastard if Victor ever saw one.

 

He was only a few years Victor's senior,unmarried like him but Victor knew for a fact that the other alpha hadn't let his marital status stand in the way of him getting his knot wet regularly — Victor had heard the man boast that he'd even had some of the wives of other nobles behind their back. Despite his attitude, he was charismatic enough and handsome enough to fool everyone into thinking he was a proper gentleman until it was too late. And even though Victor himself hid behind a mask of cool aloofness and his charms occasionally, he liked to believe he at least didn't do it with malicious intent like Treadwell.

 

“ _Vitya,_ ” Yakov hissed suddenly, “rein yourself in.”

 

Victor snapped back to focus, smelling his own angry scent around them.

 

Oh.

 

Victor blushed as he pulled his scent back as well as he could. Risking a tentative look at Yuuri, Victor hoped he hadn't upsetted the omega with his lost of control. The dinner was already getting out of control and Victor still had the gift he was hoping to give to Yuuri.

 

Fortunately, Yuuri didn't seem too upset by Victor's strange reaction, he only looked confused on why everyone seemed so tense about this Duke in particular. Victor breathed deeply to calm himself, he didn't wish to really discuss that scum with Yuuri around, it would be best if he didn't know anything about the other Duke.

 

“Who's Duke Treadwell?” Yuuri asked as on cue.

 

Victor froze for a second before glancing at his father and mother, both of them with their lips pressed in thin lines. Lilia and Yakov fortunately disliked the Duke just as much as Victor did, both of them seeing right through the man's charade with ease.

 

Yakov sighed, “He sees over the revision next to ours. He's rather new to his title after his father passed suddenly a year or so ago. His father was an old friend of mine, a distant cousin too if I remember correctly.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” Yuuri breathed out, looking instantly apologetic to having asked.

 

Lilia merely scoffed, “Don't worry, child. The late Duke Treadwell might have been a good man but he did a rubbish job on that boy he raised. Cornelius Treadwell is too arrogant and immature for his position and he uses his influence as a means to get what he wants instead of seeing it as his honor to serve the King. Anyone with a half a brain can see he is scum. Unfortunately for us, most people around him seem to lack even that much.” She finished with a little huff before picking up her wine and sipping it like she hadn't just torn the absent Duke into shreds with her words.

 

Victor admired Lilia's ability to control her anger so effortlessly, he could hardly think about the man without getting angry.

 

And now he was forced to go to a banquet held by him? In _his_ house, drinking _his_ liquor, eating _his_ food, forced to socialize with people who either wanted something from him or only wanted to gossip about him. And worst of all, Victor would have to play his part as a pleased guest and pretend like they were friends even as Treadwell would surely insult him with his underhanded comments when others weren't around to hear.

 

In the past the remarks had always been about his parents, snides about not being a legitimate heir to Yakov's title — something Victor regretted the Duke knowing very much. Now though… with the latest scandal involving Victor, there'd would sure to be new fuel to the fire. He'd have to smile through crude comments about his engagement and Yuuri and—

 

Oh. Yuuri.

 

And Yuuri would be right there. By his side like a proper fiancé even though he had no choice. Victor might have been used to slipping on a smile and taking the rudeness with nothing but a stiff nod but Yuuri most likely was not. He would hear all the things said about him and see all the glares of disgust and jealousy and…

 

No. It was absolutely a terrible idea. Yuuri shouldn't have to go through that because of Victor and his personal problems with the other Duke.

 

Victor steeled himself before speaking, voice much more steady than he felt on the inside. “Perhaps Yuuri should refrain from the banquet, considering his condition. I can go without him.”

 

Based on the last time Victor went to town, to pick up his gift for Yuuri in fact, he knew throwing Yuuri amongst those people would be horrible. Even now weeks and weeks later, Victor had gotten stopped in the streets and in the shops for indecent comments and opinions on his engagement. Sending the even more obviously pregnant Yuuri out in the open would only confirm the last if the rumours.

 

“In fact…” Victor added, thinking about the hurtful things Yuuri had gotten called straight to Victor's face like he'd enjoy his fiancé, no matter how arranged in distress, slandered like that, “I'm not sure Yuuri going to town tomorrow is a good idea either. Perhaps you could simply summon the tailor here for a measuring, I'm sure he would oblige.”

 

Yuuri whipped his head up, eyes finding Victor's and holding his gaze for once. Instead of understanding where Victor was coming from, the omega glared at him.

 

“What, am I not allowed out of the house now?” Yuuri scoffed, cheeks turning angry red.

 

Victor flinched. That wasn't what he had meant. Well, not like that anyway. He simply wanted to spare Yuuri from anymore pain since he had already caused so much himself. He went to protest out loud but Yuuri interrupted him before he could explain himself.

 

“What can possibly be so horrible about that one party anyway, despite the pretentious host, it can't exactly go worse than the last one I attended,” Yuuri threw Victor a pointed look at the reminder. “And it's not as if I've never dealt with an arrogant alpha before.”

 

Victor felt himself go hot at the last comment. He couldn't exactly argue with that considering everything but he still wanted to protest. He didn't want Yuuri to ever be faced with that awful man if he could do anything about it. Before he could come up with an intelligent argument that wouldn't anger Yuuri, Yakov interfered.

 

“You don't have a choice in this, Victor. Neither of you do unfortunately. Like I said, we're not in the position to deny his invitation for something so public without causing issues and when I say we, I mean all of us, even Yuuri. He's part of this family now thanks to you Vitya so he'll have to come too,” Yakov said with a frown, not seeming very happy about forcing Yuuri to go either.

 

Victor fell silent. He knew there was no way out of this, just that when the time came, he'd have to protect Yuuri the best he could.

 

With the heavy talk finished, Yakov signalled for the main course but the atmosphere hardly improved as the food was brought over. Only the sounds of cutlery against porcelain filled the space as no-one seemed to have any conversation topics after the brief argument.

 

Victor kept glancing at Yuuri between his bites, worried he'd really mucked it up again with his poorly voiced thoughts. This time he knew he had come from the right place too. Yet, it hardly mattered when the rest of them couldn't exactly read his thoughts.

 

Yuuri seemed to be only picking at his meal slowly until he was just pushing his vegetables around. Victor kept staring at him worriedly, not even noticing he didn't have any food on his fork as he brought it to his lips. This went on until suddenly, with a sharp click Yuuri put down his own fork and pushed his chair back. He threw a frustrated look towards Victor despite the flush on his cheeks.

 

Perhaps his staring had been a bit obvious then.

 

“I shall skip dessert, I think,” Yuuri announced as he rose up. “I want to be well rested for tomorrow's trip into town.”

 

Victor startled up as well, chair screeching against the floors. “Yuuri, wait!”

 

Yuuri halted, turning back to look at Victor with a sceptical frown on his face. “What?”

 

“Uhm…” Victor hesitated. What he really wanted was to clear the air, to say something to explain how he felt despite him not even knowing that himself. He didn't have the words though and he could see Yuuri getting impatient with him so he blurted out the first thing he could think of.

 

“I actually had something for you, a gift!” he almost yelled. His fingers shook as he drew the velvet box from his pocket. Yuuri's eyes zeroed to it immediately, the distaste in his face melting away to blank surprise. It was better than frowning but didn't exactly evoke confidence in Victor either as he held the box forward for Yuuri to take.

 

It was definitely not the perfect moment Victor had wanted but hopefully it would be alright. Come tomorrow Yuuri would be out there in town and perhaps, just perhaps, this gift would actually help him in the eyes of the judgmental people he'd surely face.

 

“I realise my previous gifts have not been to your liking, but I hope this might please you. I— I hoped you might even wear it sometimes, if you want to.”

 

Yuuri took the box from him carefully, looking even more surprised by Victor acknowledging he had not been successful with his past efforts to court Yuuri. Slowly, so very slowly to drive Victor's heart mad in his chest, Yuuri opened the clasp of the box and slid the lid open to reveal the jeweled gift inside.

 

Victor didn't have to wait for a reactions for long this time — almost as soon as Yuuri saw the piece, eyes taking in the fully garnished, white gold collar-style necklace, he gasped and turned the most red Victor had seen him.

 

Victor gulped. He couldn't be sure if Yuuri blushing was good or bad.

 

The necklace was a beautiful piece, completely unique with no other like it anywhere in the world. The visible surface of it was covered in clear white diamonds, creating flower like patterns on the piece that Victor had thought would look quite lovely on Yuuri's slender neck. The colors were neutral so it would not clash with the omega's gowns either, no matter what colors he wished to pair it with. Victor had thought it very thorough, or at least he thought he had.

 

As Yakov swore loudly in the background and Lilia scoffed before getting up and simply _leaving_ with a click of her heels, Victor started to suspect his gift was another miss on a whole new scale.

 

“Um… the stones are quite rare…”

 

Even with more diamond mines being established lately, such pure and delicate stones in such quantity no less were still far from common even amongst the upper class. Victor had spent quite a bit on the whole custom made piece.

 

Yuuri didn't seem to care for that though, he only looked at Victor like the alpha was somehow dense in the head. Yakov muttered something in the background before he too got up and left the room, leaving Victor alone with Yuuri's put off pheromones.

 

“You… expect me to wear a collar… of your choosing?” Yuuri asked between clenched teeth.

 

“Uh… um… well no?” Victor hadn't really… he did hope Yuuri would wear it but he hadn't thought… he didn't think it was…

 

“We might be engaged, as ridiculous as that is since you seem to have a great need to constantly remind me just how much this certainly is nothing like the engagement to my loving mate I might have dreamt of,” Yuuri huffed.

 

“Yu—”

 

“No, Victor, honestly, you need to listen to me very carefully because I _can't_ do this anymore,” Yuuri interrupted him, face twisting up as his eyes glazed over with unshed tears. Victor froze, heart beating erratically at the thought that he made Yuuri actually cry.

 

“I am trying to tolerate this, being here and seeing you all the time even though it _hurts_ ! I'm doing it because I have no choice and to salvage _your_ reputation,” Yuuri almost yelled, his voice breaking up as he clearly tried to fight off the tears pooling in his eyes. “But it's as if you are not even trying! Not truly. You know nothing about me and it's obvious from your gifts that you haven't even tried to find out what I would like instead of just some stereotypical omega…”

 

Finally a few tears slid down Yuuri's cheek as his voice died down towards the end of his rant. Victor physically flinched at the sight if Yuuri' tears and he panicked, he had never been good with people crying around him. Should he just hug Yuuri or something?

 

Hesitantly, Victor took a step forward. Immediately Yuuri stepped back, shaking his head and making more tears slip down his face. Victor let his hands fall back against his sides. He didn't know what else he could do.

 

“I can't believe this is my life now,” Yuuri whispered towards the floorboards, whispering to the universe or God or some higher power, he clearly wasn't talking to Victor anymore. After a second ge turned around without any more words and dashed off to the door, only stopping to drop the gift box on the dining room table before he was gone.

 

Victor stood frozen on the spot, watching the door swing shut as his heart thudded painfully against his chest. For a long time he just stared at the door.

 

Was he… was living here truly so horrible for Yuuri?

 

* * *

 

 

“You gave him a collar?!” Christophe yelled, looking torn between laughing and beating Victor with the tableside lamp. “Are you insane? How did you get that idea from my advice?”

 

Victor frowned, looking anywhere but his friend. “A collar necklace. And it had diamonds…”

 

Christophe spluttered, standing up from the chaise to pace around his drawing room. Victor had been hiding at his friend's town house for a few hours now, successfully keeping the details of his newest mistake to himself until now.

 

“Darling, you can not be this dense, who are you and what have you done with the intelligent alpha Earl everyone envied, myself included, I admit,” Christophe rubbed his face tiredly, his brand new engagement band glinting on his finger. “You ought to know you can't just go about giving someone a collar, no matter what kind and how drowned in diamonds it was!”

 

Victor snapped his eyes up, flushing in embarrassment to have it pointed out to him.

 

“But— you gave Masumi a collar as an engagement gift, did you not!?” He protested. It was partly where he'd gotten the idea in the first place — something lavish that showed his dedication to their engagement. And he'd even toned it down from a traditional collar to a more delicate necklace style.

 

“Victor, that's different,” Christophe sighed like it was supposed to be obvious. “We are in love — I've properly courted him, I got to know him and what he likes, and then based on that knowledge, instead of assumption about his character, I chose to gift him a collar as a means to highlight our future bond.

 

“What you did was give a collar to your heartbroken and distrustful fiancé like you owned him.”

 

Victor gasped, shocked his friend would suggest something like that. “I do not think I own him!”

 

Christophe merely rolled his eyes, not riled up by Victor's temper. “Yes, _I_ know that. Have you told him that though? Showed him with your actions that you do actually respect him more than your first meeting would indicate?”

 

Victor opened his mouth to answer but suddenly he felt lost — honestly, he couldn't say he had made sure Yuuri knew that. Yes, he had made an effort to court him since his father made the engagement official, but thinking back to his words and gifts and even Yuuri's reactions to them, it must have seemed like properly courting Yuuri was just as forced on him as the future marriage.

 

Which… it was not.

 

Oh.

 

Victor hadn't actually stopped to think for a moment how much he truly had come to try and want Yuuri to look at him with something other than hurt and anger. He'd thought the only way to approach Yuuri was with gifts but perhaps it should have been obvious that not taking the effort outside of gifts was what actually kept making him fail. Yuuri was right that Victor knew very little about him…

 

How could he be so blind?

 

“I just… I don't know what to do, Christopher,” Victor confessed. “It's been weeks and all I seem to be capable of is making him hate me even more,” he said before taking a deep breath. Speaking the worlds out loud was harder than it should have been but he hadn't even admitted them to himself before. “I— I can't stand it. The thought of him loathing me and resenting me  a—and the baby… I feel so guilty all the time. I've never felt this miserable before.

 

“I realise how my actions have been horribly misguided and I have no excuse. I could say I had lost my wits from the drink or that I was simply too enthralled to control my innermost instinct, too blinded by lust at the sight of Yuuri that night and too mesmerized by his supple scent — but alas, as much as all that might be true also, I still shouldn't have gathered myself and left without so much as moral support for what was bound to follow come morning. For that I have no excuse but that I am a heartless coward. I know I hurt Yuuri horribly with my actions and I can not go back in time to change it. If I could, I would… I would not…”

 

Victor halted in his speech, struggling to find the truth in his own words, in his jumbled up thoughts. With complete honesty, what would he do?

 

“Would not seduce him, deflower him and disappear into the night like a common thief?” Christophe helpfully suggested.

 

Victor blushed at the implication of him robbing Yuuri's virtue, of him taking what wasn't his to take and fleeing after. It was shamefully accurate.

 

Christophe licked his lips thoughtfully, reading his friend's face when he got no verbal answer. “Victor, if you _could_ go back, do the whole night all over once more, would you change it? Would you leave Miss Katsuki well enough alone, not so much as glance at him to avoid temptation? Could you give up every interaction you've had with him in order to never have slighted him with that first one?”

 

Victor looked up from his hands, conflicted despite what ought have been the obvious answer. “I— I don't know.”

 

“Oh, Victor,” Christophe sighed, shaking his head and actually looking at Victor like he pitied him.

 

“What?”

 

Christophe simply shook his head again. “If you haven't realised it yourself, I cannot be the one to tell you how you yourself feel.”

 

Victor huffed, Christophe was being cryptic on purpose.

 

“Look Victor, you are my friend and you've been a good one, most of the time, but you haven't been truly well in the time I've known you.”

 

Victor frowned, not understanding what Christophe was suddenly talking about. “What do you mean, I'm not unwell.”

 

“That's not what I meant, I know you are not sick. I mean mentally,” Christophe said, brows furrowed in frustration. “The reason you haven't felt these things you feel now, and why are so incapable in handling these feelings, is because for as long as I've known you, you haven't let yourself fully feel _anything._ ”

 

Victor's mouth opened in shock. He wanted to protest, to take offense in such an insult, but a small, insecure voice in the back of his head stopped the words before they reached his tongue. Looking inwards at himself, he was afraid to see the truth in Christopher's words but... they were true nonetheless, weren't they?

 

During the years, Victor had gotten so good at faking his emotions, putting up mask for whatever purpose he was needed for as Earl Nikiforov, never as just Victor. Could it really be that slowly over time, he'd actually forgotten that just because he smiled, it didn't mean he actually felt happy. That he felt anything beyond shallow nuances of what should have been proper emotions.

 

He was afraid of the feelings he had now because he had no skills to label them and put them away. Everything had felt so new and sharp after Yuuri got to the estate. After Yuuri danced to his life at that ball really. It was disturbing to realise just how numb he'd been. The feelings Yuuri now forced on him simply with his mere presence riled up everything Victor had bottled up until every guilt laced memory stabbed him, every missed opportunity to be happy hit at him and every intolerably sad memory threatened to drown him in his own mind until nothing but a shell was left of him.

 

It was a crude wake up call, realising now that for over twenty years… he had been neglecting his life and definitely neglecting love…

 

What was it about Yuuri that managed to pull him in and shake him until he fell into pieces over himself. Victor wanted desperately to collect himself, to put himself back together so he wouldn't feel like this, this tormented madness in his heart. He wanted to understand himself so he could understand Yuuri… to be better for Yuuri.

 

Because…

 

Because he felt like now that all these emotions were awakened in him, he would die if Yuuri hated him forever.

 

Victor gasped for breath at the realisation of how deep he was. He grasped at his shirt over his wildly beating heart and looked at Christophe, like the other alpha could somehow hand him the solution to this. To stop him from feeling this. Christophe only gave him sad eyes in return.

 

“Chris…” Victor wheezed, almost whining as he plummeted down to sit on the nearest armchair. He let his head fall into his hands and only spoke when he could no longer see the pity on his friend's face. “I need you to help me. Please just tell me how to fix this.”

 

“Victor…” From the tone of Christophe's voice, Victor could already tell he wasn't going to like the answer. “You can't simply _fix_ this. This isn't like a porcelain vase you put back together with gold — it's his heart. No matter how much I know it wasn't your intention, you broke his heart that night. And not only that but to make matters even more compliment, it's not just him. It's the life you two created together as well that you have to consider.

 

“All the courting in the world won't fix anything if you won't be honest with him, open yourself up to him even knowing it makes you vulnerable. I know you are not a terrible person but I'm not the one you need to show that to. You need to show him, tell _him_ how you feel so you two can start building an honest base for the relationship you two now are in.”

 

Victor gulped. Being honest and vulnerable, he wasn't even sure he knew how to open up that side of him anymore.

 

“So I just… just speak to him, honestly.”

 

“Yes, Victor. Don't assume and don't let him assume either. Talk to each other. You need to meet him halfway and let the rest come naturally from there.”

 

* * *

 

 

It took two days for Victor to gather up his courage after the collar incident and the following heart to heart with Christophe. On the second night Victor couldn't procrastinate any longer without surely losing his mind — he had felt like it was already slipping as emotions continued to plague him well into the night, every night. Even his dreams were starting to turn into jumbled up messes of dancing, skin on skin contact and tears as he was helpless to stop any of it.

 

So, instead of even trying to fall to blissful sleep, he set out to find Yuuri, very possibly for the last time depending how their conversation went.

 

After checking Yuuri's rooms and finding them empty, he headed straight for the garden, expecting to find Yuuri there despite late hours as the omega seemed to prefer them over the rest of the estate. Victor suspected it was because he enjoyed the facade of freedom the outside gardens gave him within the grounds. It was why the gardens had been Victor's favorite place when he was younger after all.

 

The path to the center of the garden where he had confronted Yuuri before was a familiar one. Victor tried to keep his steps light as he neared his destination. All through the walk he chanted quietly to himself so he wouldn't lose his nerve.

 

_Just open up._

 

_Be honest._

 

_Listen to his feelings._

 

It didn't take long for him to round the last bush and spot Yuuri there just as he expected. He was perched on one of the stone benches next to the blue roses and seemed lost in thought as he didn't notice Victor coming.

 

Yuuri looked peaceful there, fitting effortlessly into the garden’s natural beauty. It was almost a shame to interrupt the tranquility of the sight.

 

After a moment of hesitant, Victor shook his head, he couldn't back out now. He had to do this no matter how it ended.

 

With more sureness than he felt, Victor spoke to get Yuuri's attention.

 

“Yuuri, could we talk?”

 

* * *

 

 

During his time at the Feltsman estate, the garden had become a retreat of sorts for Yuuri. The fresh air agreed with his bouts of sickness most times and being enveloped by the colorful bushes of flowers, Yuuri felt he had more privacy than most often even in his own rooms.

 

Makkachin joining him on most nights made it even more enjoyable to be outside. The pooch was comforting presence without forcing Yuuri to feel self-conscious or to hold up a conversation, though he did chat rather one sidedly to the dog more than he cared to admit.

 

Despite everyone within the manor being actually very accommodating to him — with Lilia checking up on him and inviting him to have afternoon tea with her, Yakov stiffly asking about his health and whether he needed something, or sometimes just silently offering him the newspaper in the breakfast table once he was done with it — Makkachin still was perhaps the one that made Yuuri feel the most at ease. He'd always wished for a dog of his own when he was younger. Preferably even one of these Western types just like Makka after one Lord's omega daughter had gotten one in his hometown and made a ten-year-old Yuuri very jealous.

 

If something good came out of the turmoil of his life these past months, then at least he had a little of the dream of having a pet come through. Even if Makkachin wasn't actually _his_ no matter how other he spent time with Yuuri — the dog still divided his attention at least somewhat between him and Victor. It was clear Makka loved his owner very dearly after all, something that spoke significantly in Victor's favor, more so than anything else so far.

 

Yuuri had always had the firm believer that you could tell a lot about a person by how they treated animals. Like how he was not surprised to find that some of the less favorable upper class alphas still strongly believed in clipping their hound's ears for merely sport's sake. So Makkachin adoring Victor so much did make Yuuri wonder if there was a softer side to the alpha he only showed to his beloved dog.

 

It was something that had been on his mind a lot lately, despite him being quite reluctant to think about Victor in such light. In any light really.

 

Yuuri was still very much angry about everything. Hurting about everything. Yet, lately, feeling so hateful and sad all the time was taking its toll on him, weighing him down like a solid chunk of coal on his back. But he didn't know how to get past the anger and the pain.

 

Realistically, he knew that just waking up one morning with it magically cured wasn't possible but what he was doing now (brooding on his hurt) wasn't doing him any favors either.

 

Yuuri still had… dreams. Nightmares. They assaulted his sleeping mind with images of things he'd rather not think of. More than once he'd woken up drenched in cold sweat from flashes of countless hands on him, holding him down until he couldn't move as Victor, who had silently just watched, turned his back on him, telling him he didn't care.

 

More than once he'd woken up crying and stayed up the rest of the night, unable to close his eyes again.

 

Everything felt so real in those horrible dreams, the touches, the smells, everything. Everything except one thing. Victor. The Victor in his dreams was never quite like he was in real life — seeing him in his dreams, it was almost like watching the world without his spectacles. Blurry and disproportionate. Yuuri could never make out his face properly, he couldn't see the disgusted sneer to match his words.

 

And it was same with his voice too. The hurtful words of neglect were always clear, echoing through Yuuri long after he woke, but Victor's voice was like from underwater, breaking the illusion enough that when he woke up crying and panicked, the small difference to reality helped him to regain his breath eventually on some nights.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri startled from his thoughts, flipping around to the sudden source of the very real sounding voice of Victor. And indeed he saw Victor standing there hesitantly despite the determination in his eyes.

 

“Could we talk?” Victor asked, perhaps for the second time, Yuuri had been silently staring at him for a while it seemed. He was off his guard, not having expected Victor to suddenly bother him tonight — after the collar incident, Yuuri had hardly seen him.

 

“Um… yes, I suppose,” Yuuri uttered out eventually, not knowing what else to say.

 

Despite his lukewarm response, Victor immediately looked revealed that Yuuri agreed, some of the tension bleeding out of him as he approached to sit on the other end of the bench — leaving plenty of room between them which Yuuri was grateful for.

 

Victor seemed a little different than usual, sitting a respectable distance away from Yuuri and staring at his minisculely trembling hands. Yuuri was almost used to Victor being very careless with his personal space, even at that first night they had met and at times like when it had seemed he had wanted to hug Yuuri when he'd cried over the collar. The space given now without asking felt like a breath of fresh air and already had Yuuri wondering what it was Victor wanted to suddenly talk about.

 

“So, uh, what did you want to talk about?” He decided to ask out loud after it became clear Victor wasn't going to start on his own.

 

Victor actually looked startled at the question, stopping his fidgeting to snap his gaze to Yuuri's before quickly turnip away again. His lips twitched but no actual coherent words came out.

 

It was a very different image from the Victor Yuuri had always seen in social gatherings with the ton or what not. Yuuri couldn't help but compare this Victor, this nervous, awkward, very real Victor with the one he'd expected, or with the one in his dreams. He'd seen Victor as this regal, untouchable charmer who could sweep omegas off their feet with a mere look… Now he couldn't help but to doubt if he had it wrong, if someone could be so different in reality to what they showed when others were looking.

 

Yuuri frowned, it was something he had had on his mind lately actually. As the silence between them stretched further, Yuuri felt the question bugging the edge of his mind.

 

Eventually he couldn't hold himself from asking.

 

“Have you done this before?”

 

Yuuri pointedly stared at his feet but he could still feel Victor looking at him.

 

“Done…?” Victor asked, sounding confused enough for Yuuri to look up. He furrowed his brow at the clueless look on Victor's face and felt the sting of anger he had been trying to overcome these past weeks.

 

“I'm asking if I should be expecting some _other_ omega the be carted in here as your second fiancé due to similar circumstances than the ones that got me here,” Yuuri huffed, sounding rather petulant in his annoyance even to his own ears.

 

Victor to his credit had the decency to look horrified. “What, no!” He yelled, holding his hands up like Yuuri was pointing a pistol at him instead of just glaring. “No, I wouldn't d—”

 

Victor stopped abruptly, eyes falling as his cheeks colored pink. Yuuri sucked in a breath, he didn't need to guess why Victor stopped. Telling him he would never do something like knocking an omega up wasn't exactly something he could say without lies.

 

They fell into a tense silence when Victor didn't answer and suddenly the cool night air and the beautiful surroundings lost their appeal as thoughts raced Yuuri's mind.

 

Victor had immediately denied having done this before but could Yuuri believe him? Could he trust him to tell the truth and to _not_ do it again. He was already bound for life to Victor through their engagement, he didn't think he could take, his omega could take, Victor being unfaithful too.

 

“I realise anything I have to say won't make you feel any better, or make up for anything I've done,” Victor interrupted his thoughts after a while. He spoke softly, staring at his clasped hands again before finally daring a look at Yuuri. “But, Yuuri… I swear, I haven't done this before… And I don't intend to repeat it either.”

 

Yuuri looked back at Victor, trying to evaluate his words. He seemed so honest… Still, Yuuri held his tongue and heart, guarding himself from Victor despite the Earl seeming sincere this time.

 

When Yuuri said nothing, Victor visibly worried, clearing his throat before continuing with an even stronger blush on his face.

 

“There have been… others. But not—” he glanced at Yuuri again, hesitant. “Not like this.

 

“It was widows, one or two couples with arrangements allowing for extramarital affairs. A— a beta man once.”

 

Yuuri couldn't help his gasp, eye widening at the surprising confession. A homosexual affair between… it was not something people agreed upon kindly.

 

Victor didn't seem surprised or offended by Yuuri's reaction though, like he was expecting it. He merely chuckled weakly, the sound hardly ringing a bell to a true laugh as he looked maybe more self-conscious than Yuuri had seen him outside getting yelled at for horrible courting gifts.

 

“Ah yes, I realise the society's views on… such relationships. I was quite a bit younger then and in the end, it was… it was too much of a burden on him…” Victor trailed off quietly, looking almost lost in some memory Yuuri wasn't privy to.

 

Yuuri was lost for words. What Victor just told him, this whole conversation, while stilted and awkward, was possibly the most honest, the most genuine conversation they had had. It felt like there were no ulterior motives or hidden agendas behind it like when Victor had seeked him out earlier, or now thinking back, even in the ball months ago. It felt like just… like Victor was putting down his barriers to open up for Yuuri.

 

And Yuuri…

 

He didn't know how to feel about it. He didn't know how he felt period. His heart was beating so fast, thumping in his chest in a distracting manner.

 

“Regardless, it was a long time ago.”

 

Yuuri swallowed around the lump in his throat and looked away when his eyes burned traitorously. What was wrong with him? Crying and feeling like he couldn't breathe ought not have been his reaction to Victor actually making an effort to be finally honest with him. Be so… so vulnerable. Vulnerable talking about his past loves.

 

His hand curled around his stomach on instinct. Yuuri had never been in love before. His childish crush on Yuuko before he went through his first heat hardly counted and then there was only…

 

Yuuri swallowed.

 

But that had hardly been real love had it? Admiration from a far and desire for someone he hadn't truly known. It was a type of love he supposed, but not the honest, meeting each other halfway type of love he wanted.

 

And yet. Yet, it still had been enough to break his heart once.

 

“Yuuri,” Victor whispered, turning to face Yuuri properly on the bench. He took a deep breath, chest visibly expanding with it. Yuuri felt sudden anticipation at the serious look om Victor's face. He prepared himself for whatever the alpha was going to say.

 

When the words came, he wasn't ready.

 

“Do you want to end this?”

 

The breath left Yuuri as the words left Victor's lips. He couldn't help but to stare, shocked and… something. After what felt like a strangling minute of his heart _freezing,_ it pulsed back to life with rabid beating, loud enough to surely be heard even around them.

 

“W—what?”

 

“I know it must seem like you have had no choice in this, in our engagement. I'm sure Yakov didn't exactly ask for your opinion rather than tell you either, but… If you wish it, I will let you go. If that would make you happy, I'll take care of it. Of everything. You can even go back to Japan if you wish, whatever you desire… you'll want for nothing, I promise.”

 

Talking about ending it, this… For a second, the thought of freedom flashed in Yuuri's mind. He could see the white beaches of his home town, the smiling faces of his family…

 

The illusion of it didn't last longer than a second though. Because there was no freedom for Yuuri. Japan would not save him from the world's judgment. He'd just put the weight of his mistakes on his family too.

 

And it would ruin Victor too. If their situation as it was, was a spot in the Earl's reputation and honor, Yuuri disappearing off to Japan unbonded would actually destroy him. It might even be enough to demolish their family name.

 

Yuuri closed his eyes and tried to swallow the lump in his throat again.

 

“You know I can't do that, we can't do that. I can't leave here unbonded and unwed, it's just how the world works and we can't do anything about it,” Yuuri said with dejection. There was no reason to dream of anything else when the reality was that if he ever wanted a life again, it would be with Victor by his side.

 

He heard Victor sigh beside him before he spoke, just as flat as Yuuri felt. “I know…”

 

Yuuri opened his eyes and looked at Victor but the alpha wasn't looking at him for once, instead he was staring far off at something Yuuri couldn't see, at something that perhaps was only in his mind. Yuuri opened his mouth to speak but Victor beat him to it.

 

“I would still do it. If you asked, if you ever ask, I will let you go and take as much of the blame as I can.”

 

Yuuri's eyes widened and felt his cheeks turn hot. Quickly he looked away, staring at the roses intently.

 

“I'd do it because…” Victor's voice wavered, “because I am truly sorry for leading you into this position.”

 

Yuuri's lips parted in shock. He couldn't have heard that right. Hesitantly he looked at Victor over his shoulder.

 

Once their eyes met, Victor continued, “I am truly sorry, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri didn't know what to say. He just stared at Victor's regretful face in shock.

 

He almost felt like… he felt like he believed Victor was actually sorry. Yet, Yuuri didn't think he was ready to forgive the alpha yet, he wasn't ready to trust him blindly again. But, he could, and he would, take the apology as a sign of good faith for the future. It was more than he had before.

 

Slowly, carefully, Yuuri nodded silently. Victor looked both relieved and saddened at the acceptance without forgiveness, but it was the best Yuuri could offer him now.

 

“I'll do better from now on, I'll be better,” Victor whispered, nodding himself with conviction. “Whatever you shall want, whoever you wish for me to be, I'll do it. I'll be a brother, a confidant, a servant… whatever you wish.”

 

Yuuri's heart raced. Bundled up in the hem of his nightgown, his hands trembled. Suddenly it felt like he was standing on verge a cliff, toes barely over the edge, teasing the fall. He'd either crash or fly, but if he simply took a step back, saving himself from the possibilities of either outcomes, he'd never move forward.

 

Closing his eyes tight and breathing in, Yuuri took the step over the edge.

 

“Just… just be Victor.”

 

He saw Victor swallow as he opened his eyes and looked at the blue ones next to him, for once he didn't turn away or glare at the other.

 

“Alright,” Victor sounded breathless, “I can do that. I'll try my best.”

 

Slowly, Yuuri held out his hand, hesitant but feeling the wind rush past him as he fell. No way but forward from now on.

 

Victor met his hand with a soft tremble of his own as they shook on it. His hand was warmer than Yuuri remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so we're finally starting see some progress maybe? They finally at least actually had a conversation. Let me know what you think! (I'm a little behind on answering comments but I swear I read them and I'm gonna answer everyone!)
> 
> On collars in this universe: A traditional collar and a necklace collar are a little different but basically either can be used in most situations. Collar necklace is often a little less “heavy” as a gift for example since it's a bit more jewelry and less “I own you”. But the same implication of a romantic bond / pairing dynamic are there. So Victor's gift was pretty premature, embarrassing and thoughtless in its implication despite him just thinking “oh a beautiful necklace to show him I do take courting seriously despite my past actions.”
> 
> And a little insight to Yuuri's nightmares: the reason he can never make out Victor's disgusted face or hear his voice properly when he says cruel things, is because in real life, despite everything, Victor has never been cruel to him like that. He doesn't know Victor's face like that and he hasn't heard his voice like that. Most of Victor's crimes against him have been the lack of action (ie. Not coming to see Yuuri again after their night together. Not answering his letter. Etc.)
> 
> And just shortly: beta / alpha or omega relationships in this universe are strongly stigmatized in cases of same primary genders (ie. Alpha man x beta man or beta woman x omega woman — beta man x omega woman/man is okay though. Beta man x alpha woman is iffy, not as bad as the first but not very popular either). It's not illegal but it can lead to some serious push back and stuff. 
> 
> Next chapter might unfortunately take a little bit longer again because I didn't get the chance to pre-write any of it like with the last chapters. Also, because looking at my outline, I feel like this will be a difficult chapter for me to write since the tone of the story is starting to change as Victor and Yuuri start interacting in a more positive attitude.
> 
> Until next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, relationships are actually hard and teenagers and old men give surprisingly good advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> Okay so this took a quite a bit to finish but here we are. I'm a little nervous about this chapter because there's a lot in it but it still almost feels like a filler. It's also crazy long so I hope it doesn't get boring, I even had to cut this in half from my original notes. I hope you'll like it though!
> 
> Please beware as you read that on some scenes, Victor and or Yuuri are maybe not the most rational, feelings are hard on them. There's also some tiny mentions of Yuuri's time in the Eros but it's pretty obscure.
> 
> Also, I made some art for this fic! I imagine it as a scene from after this main story is finished. I'll link it here and in the end notes!
> 
> [Art on Tumblr](https://bullsfish.tumblr.com/post/183826906929/victorian-inspired-yuuri-for-my-fic-slight)
> 
> [Art on Twitter](https://twitter.com/bullsfish/status/1112115259496718337?s=20)
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

 

After coming to their new agreement regarding their relationship, Victor and Yuuri had quickly parted ways to their own rooms. Yuuri had felt too emotionally exhausted to interact with anyone afterwards and even Victor had looked more shaken than Yuuri would have expected.

 

Yuuri went to bed that night feeling torn between pessimistic and carefully hopeful for what might come yet. With everything that had happened, even before meeting Victor, the way life had molded his mind to scepticism and lingering fear, hope felt like a weight had fallen off of his chest.

 

Yuuri had half expected that he'd lose sleep over analysing this new direction of his life, turning and tossing all night, but in the end, once he had closed his eyes, he'd fallen to a more peaceful sleep than he'd yet gotten in the mansion.

 

When the morning came, his day started just like all others, almost making him forgot about his talk with Victor. Yuuri drank some herb tea to ease his yet again upset stomach, changed into one of his casual gowns and once more lamented on how short the lacings of all of his clothes were getting (the new outfits they'd ordered with Lilia were still at least a fortnight away from delivery so he'd have to make do).

 

It wasn't until Yuuri was just about to venture outside his rooms that he was reminded of the previous night with a sudden knock on his door. Usually everyone left him be when he was in his rooms and even the maids had already learned by now when their presence was welcome and when it was most definitely not. (Yuuri blamed the one slipper throwing incident at sunrise on the pregnancy hormones. He'd cried right after and apologised for two days straight to the poor girl who'd thought to wake him.) Mornings were definitely not— times.

 

Yuuri opened the door with a polite smile since  he was up already anyway.

 

“Oh, Miss Katsuki!” The young servant girl behind the door exclaimed at the sight of him. “I was starting to wonder if perhaps you were still in bed.” She did in fact look like she was half turned away already, her upper torso twisted towards Yuuri though her feet were pointing down the hall. Not that Yuuri could see much of her small figure from behind the huge bouquet of flowers in her arms.

 

Yuuri could feel his face go slack at the size of the thing — all sorts of flowers were arranged expertly together to form the biggest and perhaps the most beautiful bouquet Yuuri had ever seen. The volume of it borderlined in obscene and suddenly Yuuri was worried for the poor girl carrying the probably heavy arrangement around.

 

“Oh um, can I help you?” He stuttered out, holding out his hands to take them before suddenly hesitating. Would it be presumptuous to simply assume the flowers were for him?

 

The girl giggled at Yuuri waving his hands back and forth, unsure how to proceed. Eventually she took pity on him.

 

“From the Earl,” she said, looking like she would have been smirking if it hadn't been highly inappropriate. “For you,” she added quickly when she saw the look of surprise on Yuuri's face.

 

Yuuri blinked slowly, turning to look at the flowers again. Looking at the beautiful harmony of roses in various colors and expertly arranged smaller accompanying flowers, it was clearly the handiwork of a superb florist…

 

Which meant…

 

Yuuri blushed even hotter, fighting the urge to place his hands on his cheeks. By the time they'd finished their talk in the gardens last night, it would have been much too late to place an order on any bouquet so Victor must have rushed to town as early as sun rise to rush his order.

 

Yuuri swallowed, feeling an odd sense of tingling on the bottom of his stomach at the thought.

 

Perhaps he wasn't completely foolish to hope things just might change for the better after all? Perhaps the moment they shared last night wasn't simply words with no intention of actions…

 

Yuuri's heart beat a little bit faster when he reached to take the flowers this time, grasping them in his arms gently to make sure he didn't damage the delicate petals.

 

“Thank you…”

 

The servant girl smiled sweetly before curtsying and turning away. “Oh,” she exclaimed suddenly before she got too far, “breakfast is set in the dining room for you if you're hungry. The Earl made sure to keep everything warm for you.”

 

Yuuri blushed again, biting his lips and glancing at the flowers before he made his mind.

 

“Um, excuse me!” He shouted to stop the girl. “Could you… please tell the Earl I said t—thank you.”

 

“Of course, Miss,” she nodded, smiling knowingly to Yuuri's embarrassment before she finally scurried off.

 

* * *

 

 

The flowers were the first thing to change but not the last.

 

Victor seemed to take his promise of trying to be better for Yuuri seriously despite Yuuri still holding himself with slight reservation. It was not that he per say distrusted Victor in his word but settling into the new mindset proved challenging.

 

Despite Yuuri constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop as days passed, Victor's change remained put. He started giving Yuuri gifts again, but this time they didn't call it courting to save both of them from the expectations of the concept.

 

Unlike before too, the things Victor gifted Yuuri were much more pleasing — Yuuri took it to mean that the alpha had finally burned that ghastly courting guide book.

 

Almost every morning now, fresh bouquet of beautifully set flowers were delivered to Yuuri's room until the whole space absorbed their sweet fragrance. Sometimes Victor attached notes to him as well, little slivers of paper with scarcely more than a few lines, but Yuuri found himself quite liking them, even waiting for them despite himself. The ones where Victor recommended books he'd liked or special treats he could ask from the chef were his favorites.

 

The gifts were touching, but if it had been all to change, Yuuri doubted head been so… infatuated. But on top of the gifts, Yuuri actually saw more of Victor now that he wasn't actively avoiding him and Victor in turn actually asked to spend time with him. For the first time, they actually got to know each other.

 

The first couple of times Victor had nervously approached him and Yuuri had just as nervously said yes, he'd ended up so emotionally stressed he'd actually had to cut their walk to the gardens short to go rest. After that Victor seemed overly attentive to make sure Yuuri felt well, bringing along snacks and water and constantly asking if he needed a break. Yuuri could more often than not also catch the alpha's eyes drifting to the swell of his stomach.

 

Being near Victor like this suddenly and getting to actually know him outside his charade and title was odd. Victor in the moments when they were alone bore little resemblance to the aristocrat Yuuri had witnessed for the last year. It also made him realise how shallow he'd been in his admiration before… Now that they spent time together, it was inevitable for him to see just how much of an image of Victor he'd constricted for himself — how he'd made up the person he'd fallen for with nothing but scraps of information and observation of someone wearing a mask over their true self.

 

Stripping away all that mirage from both of them was difficult and slow, but ultimately Yuuri found himself thinking late at night that he much preferred this Victor over the one he'd met at the ball.

 

This Victor had surprising depth. This Victor worried for Yuuri and about being good enough for Yuuri, he had lapsed of sadness in his eyes that he didn't want to talk about even though Yuuri could still see it. But he also made Yuuri smile. It took time, a fortnight of starting over but suddenly, as Yuuri laughed genuinely at Victor's tale about getting grounded by Yakov when he was twenty-two, he came to the realisation how much happier he felt now than weeks ago.

 

For weeks Yuuri was lost in the charming state of getting to know and maybe even care about someone. He felt more comfortable at the estate than before and oddly enough even his pregnancy sickness lessened the more he spent time with Victor. Yet, it was then, as they grew closer, that Yuuri was reminded of how it meant they would inevitable struggle in their relationship as well.

 

It happened the day Yuuri's new gowns arrived at the mansion, neatly packaged in separate boxes, each one tied with a ribbon to match the gown inside. Lilia was out of the house so once the boxes were delivered to Yuuri's room, he was left alone to decide what he should do with them.

 

Waiting for Lilia to come back and having her decide where to put them would have been the obvious choice but Yuuri couldn't help but to feel curious as he let his fingertips trace the delicate bows made with silk. He hadn't seen the final outcome of any of the dresses but just having been in the Tailor's shop when they went for his measurements, Yuuri knew these were going to be the most beautiful gowns he'd ever owned. Or seen.

 

It was far more than he deserved probably.

 

And yet, they were made _for_ him, mindful of his growing midsection and his favorite colors taken into consideration. Two of the four boxes donned blue ribbons in fact…

 

Maybe he'd simply try one on. Lilia wouldn't mind.

 

Yuuri carefully unwrapped one of the blue ribbons, holding his breath as he slowly slid open the lid off the box, revealing the gown within.

 

He couldn't help but to gasp.

 

Even folded up, Yuuri could hardly believe the dress was real, and for him. He realised the box he'd chosen was the one of the more formal gowns they had commissioned, the one he was meant to wear for the banquet held by that other Duke.

 

Despite all the tension the invitation had seemed to create between Victor and his family, looking at the gown now, Yuuri almost felt a twinkle of excitement for the opportunity to wear it.

 

The gown was made almost entirely of soft blue silk, not that much unlike the one he'd worn the night he met Victor. It also had long sheer sleeves that left the skin of his shoulders visible in the most scandalous way. Yuuri wondered what it was with the women in his life dressing him so sparsely all the time — he'd would probably look half naked with his decolté so bare (again).

 

Yuuri felt the shiny fabric between his fingers and bit his lip, unsure. It was beautiful. And he remembered the tailor telling them he swore by this style of gowns — something about the omegas in Paris going crazy for the more fitted, exposed style.

 

Exposed, fitted style had gotten Yuuri pregnant last time…

 

Which reminded him. Yuuri took his hands off the dress and rested them on his stomach instead. At almost six months pregnant, it was taunt and round enough to create a nice noticeable bump even with his flowy skirts. He'd be even more pregnant by the time of the banquet and a tight gown would hide nothing…

 

Yuuri fretted for a minute, biting his lip and switching between staring at the dress and looking anywhere but it. It was no help. He'd have to try it on to know or he'd drive himself crazy waiting for the day it was time to put it on for real.

 

Getting the dress on the right way and lacing himself up would have been difficult even when wasn't pregnant but after some struggling and a few curses, he managed without ripping anything or dislocating his shoulder too badly.

 

Turning to the mirror of his closet, Yuuri dared a peek through his eyelashes.

 

“Oh!”

 

He looked…

 

Good?

 

It was somehow much better than he'd dared to hope. Despite his worries about his less than perfect pregnant form, the dress fell gracefully like it was made of the water it was colored after. The smooth silk highlighted his curves, clinging to his baby bump in an unexpectedly aesthetic way and making him look slim and tall otherwise.

 

Yuuri could hardly believe his eyes. He stepped closer to the mirror — touching his fingers to the cool surface. He almost expected it to disorient someway to relieve a much uglier truth, but nothing happened. Yuuri released a heavy breath.

 

Now he just needed a collar to match the gown and he might actually dare to show himself at Victor's side at the banquet, even if it meant facing all those people who had turned their backs on him before.

 

 _Just look at me now_.

 

Yuuri knew just the collar to complete his outfit. Leaving Lady Minako's, he hadn't gotten to take a lot with him, but he had taken his favorites; A red, velvet one, a simple black one he used most often and…

 

Yuuri dug through his belongings, excitement bubbling as he finally found the one he wanted. He stared at the delicate pattern of the lace for a second before holding it to his neck. His cheeks turned red and his pulse thumped fast against the only collar someone else had ever removed from his body.

 

It was perfect.

 

It was obscene.

 

But he really wanted to wear it again, so much so it surprised even him.

 

He really ought not to though… It was a horrible idea.

 

 _And yet,_ his treacherous mind whispered. It was like it was made for this gown.

 

He decided, he was going to w—

 

_Knock Knock._

 

Yuuri startled out of his inner debate to see the door of his bedroom open and a hesitant looking Victor coming through it.

 

“Yuuri,” Victor started, looking around bedroom until he spotted Yuuri in front of the dress room mirror. “I was— oh. I—I apologise, I didn't realise you were…” He trailed off, eyes widening as he took in Yuuri's appearance.

 

Yuuri watched Victor's eyes drop over his body and how his mouth opened slightly as he seemed to take in the blue fabric hugging Yuuri's hips and stomach especially. By the time his eyes got past them there was a very clear blush to see on his face and it only multiplied tenfold as his blue eyes settled on the familiar lace covering Yuuri's neck.

 

Yuuri felt himself flushing as well the longer Victor simply stared at him without a word. By the time he finally shook himself out of it and cleared his throat, lifting his eyes away from Yuuri's throat, Yuuri felt hot under his skin.

 

“Uh, what's this?” Victor asked slightly hoarsely, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

 

Yuuri too felt the urge to squirm, the air in the somewhat small closet felt heavy with not exactly unfamiliar tension (Yuuri refused to think about the last time he had felt this particular _tension_ to try and save himself even some dignity). They seemed to have drifted closer to each other at some point.

 

Yuuri forced himself to focus and answer the question before he blurted out something foolish like what he was actually thinking.

 

“Um, it's for the banquet later.”

 

And just like that, the heat in the room was gone.

 

Victor's eyes snapped into focus and Yuuri could physically see his whole posture stiffening. Suddenly uneasiness rolled off of him in waves, the worried energy completely in odds with the hardened look on his face.

 

“The Treadwell banquet?”

 

Yuuri took an instinctive half a step back. “Yes?”

 

Victor visibly swallowed at the confirmation before looking at Yuuri's dressed up form again. Though the feeling Yuuri got from the eyes on him now was completely different than minutes ago. He felt distinctly self-conscious rather than admired. The uncomfortable feeling only increased when Victor spoke again, sounding like a different person with unfamiliar hardness in his tone.

 

“Are you going to wear _that_?”

 

Yuuri frowned. Despite feeling less confident now, he nodded with conviction. “Yes. Lilia went out of her way to gift me this expensive gown and from all of my collars, this matches it best.”

 

“No.”

 

The word seemed no echo in the small space.

 

_What._

 

“What?”

 

“No, you can't wear that,” Victor said through his clenched teeth. Immediately Yuuri's hackles rose.

 

“Excuse me,” Yuuri spit out feeling defensive, “should I remind you that even though we are engaged to be wed, no contract has yet been signed and I'm quite free to do as I wish. And to wear whatever I want.”

 

He kind of expected Victor to back down and apologise, but instead, his face twisted rather unattractively, like he didn't quite know what facial expression to show to make his point. He settled into a slightly desperate frown. “It's not… No. I said no. You should wear something else, that is not appropriate.”

 

Yuuri flinched, hand moving to his throat automatically, covering his neck and the collar with it from Victor. Something in his chest winced at the words and he actually felt quite slighted.

 

It was the collar he'd worn when they had officially met, the very one Victor had untied from around his neck, forever changing both their lives.

 

And now he was telling Yuuri, it wasn't appropriate.

 

An oppressing weight settled on Yuuri's chest. He'd thought he was beyond feeling like this again after how much lighter he'd felt these past weeks. It hurt — hurt more than just the opinion about his collar, it was the _implication_ behind it. Yuuri wondered if Victor even realised how his words could cut at Yuuri's already fragile confidence so easily. At his fragile trust in Victor.

 

He felt like he was going to cry.

 

“G—get out.”

 

For his worth, this time Victor was the one to look troubled. His eyes flashed back to Yuuri's and his mouth opened without any sounds comic out. For a second he sputtered, looking very conflicted.

 

“Yuuri…”

 

“No.” Yuuri really didn't want to hear it right now. He felt tears burning his eyes and throat and he needed Victor to leave so he could cry in peace.

 

Turning away from the alpha, he heaved in a breath, trying to steady his voice enough to speak.

 

“Get out now.”

 

It cracked anyway.

* * *

 

 

Victor slammed his bedroom door behind him, the sound of it hardly satisfying his frustration. With shaking hands he gripped his hair and pulled until he felt an uncomfortable stretch in his scalp.

 

_Still not enough._

 

A scream tore itself out his throat as he let his hands fall. He flung himself on the closest surface.

 

Papers from his study table flew to the air as glass pencil holders and teacups crashed to the ground with a sharp crack.

 

_Not enough._

 

He tore through his bed next, throwing the unnecessarily many pillows around the room, gripping on them hard enough to tear the fabrics until feathers filled the air.

 

His voice cracked with a sob.

 

It wasn't until he was about to flung the small photo frame from his bedside table that he stopped, gripping the frame with trembling hands. His knees gave out and suddenly he was on the ground, covered in the trashed remains of his room. Feathers stuck to his hair and clothes.

 

All he could see was Yuuri.

 

His own hands undoing the lace collar from his slender, unmarked neck.

 

It had been so easy then.

 

Too easy.

 

He could still see Yuuri from that night in his mind, on his back with his lovely hair spread out beneath his head, his lovely blue gown ridden up and his big doe eyes so trusting.

 

There was an unexpected wave of possessiveness that washed over him, almost tearing a growl from his raw throat.

 

Victor tried to force the sudden image of hands that were not his undoing the collar from Yuuri's unclaimed neck out of his head.

 

He couldn't have Yuuri anywhere near someone like Treadwell, especially looking like he had just now — that bastard would surely already target Yuuri simply for his connection to Victor (his insistence that Victor bring him was clear enough), he didn't need the extra motivation of Yuuri looking so delectable.

 

And _oh_ , had he looked delectable… For a brief moment Victor had been mesmerised enough to forget how to breathe.

 

 _God…_ He knew he fucked up again. Badly.

 

Over the course of the last few weeks, Yuuri had began to open up to him more, smiling and seeming more comfortable in his presence. Victor too felt nothing like he had ever before — he felt like a broken record but everyday, Yuuri truly inspired brand new emotions that kept messing him in the head. Just thinking about the omega had his heart beating faster and his mouth tucking up at the corners in an easier smile than he'd felt in years. (Victor was rather sure everyone around him too had noticed just how deep he was, at least if the knowing looks from Lilia and tired huffs from Yakov were any indication.)

 

His heart squeezed uncomfortably now at the reminder how much of an idiot he was. In just one conversation (barely), he'd manage to break the fragile relationship they had built in these past weeks.

 

Just as he had actually began to feel what he suspected might have been _happy_ and almost hopeful that Yuuri might not hate him anymore, he went and destroyed it.

 

The alpha inside him wailed at the thought of losing Yuuri and he honestly felt like joining it in the misery.

 

Having all these emotions and actually trying to communicate them when he himself had trouble with them, was exceedingly difficult.

 

Victor sighed, running his hands over his face and tucking a stray feather from his fringe.

 

He needed to cool off. And he needed to figure out how to fix this.

 

* * *

 

 

“What the fuck has your knickers all twisted up?” Yuri huffed in his typical not too sympathetic way, sweat dripping down his forehead as he blocked Victor's attacks.

 

Victor grit his teeth together and swung the foil harder. He had hoped fencing would clear his head and that his cousin would be just gullible enough to be tricked into a mindless fight.

 

Seemed he gave Yuri too little credit.

 

“It's nothing. It's none of your business.”

 

“It's nothing or it's none of my business? Which is it, moron?” Yuri swung at him, all bite despite obviously caring enough to press the issue.

 

Victor ignored him. Yuri got careless when he got mad and he was mad more often than not so Victor knew very well by now his weak spots in combat. He waited for Yuri to lash out again and aimed under his arm as he left his side vulnerable. Just as he predicted, Yuri had no time to block him and Victor hit his mark easily.

Yuri growled at him like a little animal with their fur ruffled. The way his cheeks flamed red as he huffed and puffed would have been highly amusing if Victor was in a better mood.

 

“Fine,” Yuri spat after his outburst, stepping closer to force Victor to take one step back, “be like that. I bet I know anyway. There's only one thing that gets a rise from you these days anyway.”

 

Victor huffed and blocked a hit directed alarmingly accurately towards his face. When he yet again chose not to comment, praying Yuri would just let it go despite knowing his cousin wouldn't, the next blow came much lower, towards another body part he'd rather not have chopped off by the angry kitten.

 

“You did something stupid to Katsudon again, didn't you?”

 

Victor's eye twitched. He tried to deflect by attacking but even he saw how his blows were sloppy now. Yuri easily sidestepped them, a mocking expression on his face.

 

Fencing was not working like Victor had hoped it would. The burn of activity was not clearing his mind at all and thoughts of Yuuri's voice cracking with suppressed tears kept him distracted from his opponent.

 

“You're all unfocused,” Yuri growled as on cue, hitting his mark swiftly on Victor's torso.

 

Victor cringed from the prig of the foil before letting his own droop down. He let out a heavy breath as Yuri too relaxed at his defeat, obviously having been waiting for Victor to simply give up. Their fight was over in a rather anticlimactic way. Not that Victor cared really, he'd wanted distraction, not actual practice anyway.

 

Not that it had worked either way. Now he was still sad and frustrated but also sweaty and gross from the exercise.

 

“Why am I such a fuck up of a person?” Victor asked mostly to himself as he put his foil back to the wall.

 

“I think it's pretty obvious why,” Yuri spit out, rolling his eyes.

 

Victor's hand trembled. He turned to face Yuri stiffly as memories from years ago echoed in his ears.

 

_“Uncle Yakov… why don't I have a real mama and papa?”_

 

_Yakov looked younger than he did years later, but at the same time, even to Victor's young, innocent mind, he had never looked older. Worn out and struggling to keep whatever he was feeling off of his face in front of a child._

 

_Slowly, mindful of his creaky knees, he crouched down to Victor's level. He wasn't as scary looking down here, Victor had thought._

 

_“Vitya… I know it's not what you want but… You should call me Papa from now on.”_

 

Yes, it was pretty obvious why.

 

“Yuri, please don't.”

 

Yuri sighed, looking actually guilty. “Fuck, sorry.”

 

They both pretended they didn't see the wetness in Victor's eyes.

 

Victor wasn't in the mood to talk about his past or his problems, but he could see Yuri wanted to still. For a while he fidgeted in silence until he put down his foil with a click and opened his mouth. Victor braced himself for whatever harsh truth he was about get an earful of.

 

“I think you are being really unfair,” Yuri said with a glare and Victor flinched. “You're going to be a freaking father yourself now. Very soon. He's not just going to stay knocked up forever, you know. Eventually a real live baby is going to come out and be like actually dependant on you. Both of you. So you should really get over it.”

 

Victor flinched harder.

 

He knew Yuri was right of course. He couldn't afford to keep messing up anymore. He needed to work himself out so he could be what Yuuri and the baby needed. (He just wasn't sure if even deep down he was enough for them.)

 

When had his little, green as a cabbage batch cousin become so wise? He really shouldn't have underestimated him. Yuri might have been harsh and crude in a way that would not win him a mate any time soon, but he was much more perceptive than the average eighteen year old.

 

“You need to pull yourself together and go apologise to your fucking fiancé before he realises he's way too good for you. Beg or whatever,” Yuri said. He hesitated for a moment before murmuring something with an unexpected blush on his face. Victor strained his ears but he couldn't make out the words.

 

“What?”

 

Yuri mumbled again, not even looking at Victor now.

 

_Something something lake._

 

“Yuri, I can't understand you if you mumble like that.”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Yuri screeched, turning even redder before practically yelling. “Bring him cake!”

 

Victor blinked. “Cake?”

 

“Just fuking, ugh…” Yuri spluttered. “He likes cake. That strawberry thing your chefs make.”

 

Victor processed the unexpected information from the even more unexpected source, a smile forming on his face slowly. He suddenly felt the urge to coo — little Yuri was so adorable in his awkward teenager affection. Victor wondered if he even had a tiny crush on Yuuri, he wouldn't be surprised really. It really seemed like Victor was the odd one for not noticing Yuuri for so long.

 

“Aw, Yura! You know him so well!” Victor exclaimed, flinging himself on Yuri and rubbing some of his scent on the boy.

 

“Ugh, gross! Get off me,” Yuri predictably shrieked, pushing Victor's larger body in vain. “Go slobber on your fiancé.”

 

Oh, if only he could.

 

Still, with new vigor, Victor finally let Yuri push him away. It seemed coming here to get screamed at by a teenager was just what he needed after all.

 

Victor knew what he needed to do now and as a first thing, he needed to go see the chefs immediately. Hopefully what he had in mind was not as hard as he feared it might be.

 

“Thanks, Yura! You really were a great help,” Victor threw the thanks over his shoulder as he reached the door in a hurry.

 

“Go wash yourself first old man, you smell gross!” Yuri yelled behind him.

 

Victor felt actually like smiling as the door closed behind him.

 

He was off to the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

  


Turned out, baking and making strawberry cream cake was not at all easy. The chefs had looked at Victor like he had gone mad as he'd made his request — it had taken many pleas to get them to understand that _no,_ he didn't want them to make it for him, he wanted just to know how to make it so he could do it himself.

 

One burnt effort, many broken eggs and three hours later, Victor stood behind Yuuri's door with his very own, slightly crooked cake.

 

After a calming breath, he steadied the cake on one hand and knocked on the door with the other. For a while he was met with nothing but silence from the other side of the door. A little more shakily, he knocked for a second time and held his breath nervously.

 

It took a moment, but after a nerve-wracking half a minute, a shuffling sound filtered through the door. With every sound of footsteps coming closer, Victor grew more and more nervous. His heart kicked off into a rapid beat and his palms sweat under the cake platter. All he could think was; _Don't drop the cake. Don't say anything stupid. Don't drop the stupid. Don't say anything cake._

 

No wait. That wasn't—

 

The door cracked open and revealed a bundled up Yuuri. Immediately Victor's eyes zoomed in on the red rims around his eyes. He felt like an arrow pierced his heart at the sight. He'd made Yuuri cry…

 

“Uh…” _Graceful, Victor._ Victor cleared his throat roughly and tried not to imagine Yuuri sobbing over him. “I—”

 

Yuuri shuffled from one foot to the other, cradling his stomach. The sight didn't help Victor to articulate any better, he was really hopeless. He just stood there with his mouth open and hands trembling under a suddenly very insufficient looking cake.

 

When Victor still didn't get actual words out of his mouth after a minute, Yuuri's eyes slid from his face down to his hands and to the messy cake. His lips formed a small 'o’.

 

“Oh, is that…”

 

_Right._

 

Victor jerked forward at the words, pushing the cake awkwardly for Yuuri to take. “For you. A— a peace offering…If you will?”

 

Yuuri took the cake a little hesitantly, looking pretty shocked by the unexpected gift. His cheeks turned lovely red from the pale white they had been when he opened the door. Victor swallowed once and gathered his courage to ask the question he was here for.

 

“Could we talk?”

 

Yuuri looked up from the cake and for a moment Victor worried he might say no, but after a moment, Yuuri nodded and slid the door open wider to let Victor in.

 

Yuuri went ahead and sat on the edge of his bed, mindful of the construction of blankets and pillows on it (a nest?!). Victor hovered awkwardly by the door even after it shut behind him — his eyes darted between Yuuri and the nest he felt he had no right to see. A sad scent of an omega distressed lingered in the space.

 

“Um,” Yuuri started when Victor didn't seem to make a move one way or another. “You don't have to stand there…” He scooted over a little on the bed, making room for Victor even though there had been plenty already.

 

Victor sat down carefully next to Yuuri, feeling sweaty and shaky under his clothes. He wrung his hands trying to gather himself to speak. Yuuri beat him to it.

 

“Did you make this?”

 

Victor looked up to see Yuuri indicating the cake he was still holding. It looked even messier in Yuuri's delicate hands.

 

“Uh, yes. Is it quite so obvious?”

 

A small smile graced Yuuri's lips. “You have cream on your forehead.”

 

Victor's hand flung to his head and indeed, his fingers hit something wet. He felt the urge to groan and knew he was probably blushing up a storm. He tried to wipe himself clean hastily before turning back to Yuuri sheepishly.

 

“Um…You still have a little…” Yuuri signed towards whatever cream still clung to his face. Yuuri's cheeks tinted pink as he bit his lip to keep in what Victor suspected might have actually been a genuine smile. Slowly he raised one hand to wipe the cream from Victor's skin.

 

Yuuri's fingertips were soft on his skin and did absolutely not help the raging blush Victor had going on. His heart thumped loudly in his chest.  

 

“There you go,” Yuuri smiled before bringing his fingers with a tiny bit of cream on them to his lips. Victor watched in what felt slow motion, as his fingers dipped inside his mouth.

 

Victor's heart dysfunctioned. What must have been a second of Yuuri mindlessly licking his fingers clean with no ulterior motive, felt to Victor like a year of watching things shaped like something rather inappropriate slip past Yuuri's pretty, pink lips.

 

He was vaguely aware he made some sort of choking noise in his throat as Yuuri popped his fingers out of his mouth.

 

 _God._ Victor was such a low life. This certainly was not the time or the place to have his cock taking interest in the situation.

 

Victor took a deep breath to calm himself (or to calm a certain part of himself). Yuuri was still blushing as well, but he was smiling too. Despite feeling embarrassed, seeing Yuuri smiling made Victor want to smile too.

 

It felt nice.

 

Yuuri smiling at him even after their fight earlier, it felt like they were grounded. The feeling of 'everything will be alright eventually’ was not something Victor was used to and now that he was feeling it, it was almost too much.

 

They were far from perfect in many ways, they obviously still fought and had awkward moments and failed to communicate but somehow, _somehow_ Yuuri's presence by his side eased a part of Victor that has not felt at ease in years. If ever…

 

Yet, Victor knew he couldn't take it for granted anymore. He wanted to make things work and he'd promised Yuuri to try his best to be open with him and to be himself even when he feared being himself was not enough.

 

To keep true to his promise, Victor needed to explain why he reacted the way he did. And he still needed to apologise.

 

“So uh…”

 

Victor looked at Yuuri only to find him already looking at him too. The expression on his face was open and understanding, one that actually made Victor feel more confident to speak.

 

“Yuuri, about earlier,” he started again. “I'm sorry. I got so angry and I messed up again. But not at you, I wasn't angry at you…”

 

“What were you angry about then?” Yuuri asked and Victor almost wanted to flinch. It was a valid question. Just not an easy one.

 

“I—” he sighed, taking a deep breath and starting over. Starting from the beginning. “I know you haven't been out of the estate a lot since everything, and I realise I haven't exactly encouraged you, but I have been out there. And I've seen and heard what's waiting for us, for you, and it's not anything you ever deserved. And I hate that I have put you in this position in the first place so I thought…” Victor trailed off, feeling ashamed of himself. Every harsh word against Yuuri, every entitled, unwanted opinion about their relationship, it all cut Victor like knives and he feared Yuuri being faced with it would create a deep grudge towards Victor who put him there in the first place.

 

Victor didn't know how to confess his selfish want to not have Yuuri hate him. He almost didn't want to but he knew he had to.

 

“Yes?” Yuuri asked, not pushing him, but still urging him on.

 

Victor closed his eyes and gathered his courage. His voice was still meek and quiet, but between just the two of them, it could be heard. “I thought I could protect you from everything, from the world, if I just kept you away from it. That I could shield you from anything that might make you hate me again. I realise it was wrong of me, and I'm really sorry, Yuuri.”

 

Victor held his breath once he was done, eyes still shut as he waited for Yuuri to realise just how self-centered and weak Victor truly was. Yuuri was quiet for a long time — Victor was almost out of breath when Yuuri finally reacted, albeit not how he'd expected.

 

“Oh.”

 

Victor blinked his eyes open, surprised by the soft sound from Yuuri. Cautiously he turned to look what expression the omega wore with it.

 

And Yuuri… He looked surprised, like he had expected something completely different. But he also looked almost, relieved? His posture was soft and there was a faint blush on his cheeks.

 

“Oh?” Victor parroted, dumbfounded as to what to make of it.

 

Yuuri looked at him a little hesitantly. “I just, uh. I'm not sure what to say. When you… When you told me not to wear the collar I kind of thought… Well I did not realise that was what you were thinking.”

 

Victor frowned. “What did you think?”

 

Yuuri licked his lips nervously and Victor braced himself for the answer.

 

“Well, I thought you were…That you were ashamed of me, reminded about how unproper I am by the sight of the proof,” he laughed humorlessly before indicating his swollen stomach, “well, reminded even more than usual.”

 

Victor didn't feel like laughing. He actually almost wanted to cry, or throw up. “No! Yuuri of course not! I could never be ashamed of you, _you_ are far better than I could ever deserve and everyone who's not an idiot knows it! And honestly… seeing you looking so… so gorgeous certainly made me feel a lot, but none of it was anything negative about you .”

 

Victor hesitated whether to continue and lay it all out there, but he didn't want Yuuri to ever have to doubt himself like that. He wanted to make him understand how all this was Victor's fault, not his.

 

“Thinking about all those other bastard's who think they can talk about you just because their own dirty secrets are still that, it just made something in me snap. Like my blood boiled suddenly and I couldn't think about anything else than about keeping you away from them and their judging. I'm so sorry, Yuuri. I don't want you to think that I wish to own you like some mere object because I truly do not! And I don't want to try to control you or cause you any distress either, I'm just… I'm still learning. All these emotions when I'm around you, they are making my head spin. I'll try harder from now on.”

 

Yuuri huffed a dry laugh next to him before seeming to catch himself with a hand over his mouth. “I'm sorry I don't mean to laugh—”

 

“It's fine. I suppose a grown man having his head thrown off his shoulders by _feelings_ is quite amusing,” Victor reassured Yuuri so he wouldn't feel bad. Yuuri shouldn't have to feel bad even if he rejected Victor's apology.

 

Yuuri shook his head at Victor's answer. “That's not it. I mean, _yes,_ I suppose it is a little amusing, but that's not why I laughed.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yes, well,” Yuuri started, looking curiously bashful all the sudden. “I'm happy you have them.”

 

Victor frowned as he tried to understand. His confusion must have shown on his face because Yuuri huffed a little breath. His eyes trailed somewhere over Victor's shoulder as he spoke again.

 

“The emotions. Feelings, I'm happy you have them,” he said. For a moment he didn't make eye contact, but slowly, with glowing blush on his face, he turned to lock their eyes.  Victor's gaze was instantly drawn to his face, to the pink of his lips as he bit them, to his long eyelashes as he looked at Victor almost coyly through them. Victor's heartbeat grew faster even before the last of the words left Yuuri's lips.

 

“Feelings _for_ me even, perhaps?”

 

He sounded so hopeful and yet shy and almost doubtful. Oh, how could he even doubt it. (Victor knew how, knew _why._ )

 

Victor knew he was a blushing mess too but he hardly cared, he only cared for Yuuri sitting beside him and speaking so honestly with him despite his embarrassment. They truly ought have spoken sooner rather than just now when their lack of communication had already hurt them.

 

“Yes.” Victor breathed out the word like a promise, promise to be more honest even with the difficult things. He breathed it out like a vow that _yes_ , he cared for Yuuri more than he has for anyone else. And it was true. Perhaps the most true sentiment in Victor's life — he undeniably, strongly and without doubt cared for Yuuri very, very much. He… He wanted to call this emotion almost… it was almost like love.

 

The realisation was time stopping.

 

The outside world seemed to not to exist in the gravity of loving Yuuri. And oh, _Yuuri._ Yuuri felt like the center of everything suddenly. Or was it even suddenly, if Victor looked within himself, he had to be honest of how he had been pulled to Yuuri's orbit from the moment he followed him to that balcony six months ago. Loving Yuuri had sneaked up on him but it had always been a steady progress — Victor had just been too blind to see it.

 

There was more to be said between them, so much more, but there was still time. Victor shook under his newly realised feelings and at the same time he wanted to shout them from mountain tops and to bottle them up away from everyone. It felt raw and new and confusing, right but something he wasn't used to. He knew they needed more time before the words he now wanted to whisper into Yuuri's skin could be said, but it was alright.

 

Despite their feelings being acknowledged for the first time out loud, the air around them didn't feel awkward. Victor would describe it as delicate though. Yuuri was still blushing and he seemed to be fixated on studying the cake on his lap instead of Victor, but he was still smiling so it didn't trouble him too much.

 

Victor wondered if he should bring up the other topic he'd meant to discuss with Yuuri if his apology was a success — he didn't want to wipe the happy look from Yuuri's face, but at the same time, he felt like they might have avoided the topic far too long as it was. Especially considering how avoidance had caused them so much grief already today.

 

“Um, Yuuri?” He hesitantly started, making up his mind.

 

Yuuri looked up, the relaxed smile slipping from his lips, but not his eyes. “Yes?”

 

Victor braced himself. “I just wanted to tell you, to make sure you knew, that you _can_ talk to me too. About anything.”

 

Yuuri looked surprised by the sudden topic. “Alright…”

 

“What I mean to say is… Even the— the things troubling you. We haven't really talked a lot about the time before you came here, but you can with me. If you want to…” The thought of Yuuri in the streets and at the Eros because of him were something that pressed heavily on Victor's conscience. For a while now he'd wanted to speak with Yuuri about it, but every time before now he'd chickened out.

 

Halfway through Victor's speech now though, Yuuri's eyes had slid away from his face, his posture turning stiff and his breathing just a touch more shallow. Victor worried he ought not have brought it up after all before Yuuri squared his shoulders and spoke clearly despite looking shaken.

 

“I think... I know that,” Yuuri smiled weakly. “It's simply that I— I…” Victor waited patiently, letting Yuuri compose himself.

 

“I do feel like I can talk to you, most days. It's just there are things I'd rather not talk of. Or think of… Not— not yet.”

 

Victor nodded, swallowing down his mixed disappointment and relief. His heart ached at the thought of Yuuri having all these demons haunting him. He'd take them away if he could, or even just share the burden of them if Yuuri let him. But not now. He'd wait until Yuuri was ready — he knew a part of those demons were his doing so being patient was the least he could do for Yuuri for the time being.

 

“I shall be here whenever you are ready then, Yuuri. And I'll do my best to listen and support you, I promise. You don't need to push yourself for my sake.”

 

Yuuri flashed him a grateful smile, looking physically relieved. The weight that formed on his shoulders thanks to whatever he thought of because of Victor's question melted off and eased Victor's mind too. Even if Yuuri was still hurting, he at least could shed those burdens for a while when they were together.

 

If that's all Victor could do, it was enough for now.

 

Victor smiled. “Now, how about we test to see if there's still a future for me as a pâtissier chef.”

 

* * *

 

 

Speaking in such honest terms with Victor after their fight was like a weight off Yuuri's chest. Actually hearing Victor's point of view instead of having to guess and assume the worst did wonders for his understanding of the alpha.

 

The topic of the upcoming banquet might not have been completely settled yet, but both of them seemed to be in much better spirits the following days. Yuuri found himself actually almost craving Victor's company. They didn't even have to do anything in particular — Yuuri simply enjoyed Victor's steadying presence.

 

Just like now, when they were simply sitting quietly together in a corner of the library, Yuuri reading a book on plant cross breeding and Victor working on some land agreements Yakov had apparently passed (or “dumped” if you asked Victor) on him. Makkachin lounged on Yuuri's lap, his snout firmly pressed against Yuuri's bump like he had been doing for a few weeks now. It never failed to made Yuuri smile and wonder if the dog new he was protecting his baby sister or brother.

 

“Do you enjoy those kind of scientific texts?” Victor asked, breaking the comfortable silence. Yuuri looked up from his book to see the alpha slumped over his papers dramatically.

 

“Are you asking me that because you're tired of doing your own work?”

 

Victor sat up straight and gasped in a most hilariously over dramatic manner. “Yuuri! How could you accuse me of such a thing. My own fiancé. I simply want to know everything about you, darling, I'm wounded you'd think otherwise.” He emphasised the sentiment by slumping over again, his hand on his forehead like you'd see a lady do in order to gain sympathy. All that was missing from the image was a tactilely placed fainting couch.

 

Yuuri giggled at the silliness. He could feel himself blushing too, very aware of the slip of the endearment Victor didn't seem to even notice. It sent warm tingles down his spine.

 

“Victor, please,” Yuuri huffed pretending to scold him though he was hardly mad. “And to answer your question, yes, I enjoy them. Even being an omega, I like knowing about the world as much as I can. Not in just shallow ways of observation either. Science is so precise and deep, it's fascinating, isn't it? It's almost like a different form of poetry when you really immerse yourself in the language of it.”

 

Victor had sat up again halfway through Yuuri's rambling about his love for science and instead of looking bored or even put of like Yuuri might have expected, he looked fascinated.

 

“I never thought about it that way,” Victor exclaimed, “Perhaps if I had, I wouldn't have been such a pain in Yakov's ass when I was younger,” he chuckled.

 

Yuuri snickered and raised a questioning eyebrow at him. “Only when you were younger, huh?”

 

Victor blushed but laughed a little sheepish, “I suppose I still have my moments.”

 

“Mm,” Yuuri hummed. “I must admit, I'm almost envious of you in that regard — you've had access to such brilliant tutors all your life and to all of the information I was denied simply due to my gender. Not that my parents did deny me per say, mind you. They were very understanding and encouraged me to study, but I doubt they ever truly understood my fascination with it — I was training to become a danseur and a wife after all, knowledge about the stars and biology hardly made sense. Others in my town certainly didn't understand it. Too brainy for an omega, they said…”

 

Yuuri trailed off, shaking himself away from the memory. Hasetsu was his home, but it was understandable that such a small town had its faults. Its somewhat backwater views on gender roles being one significant one Yuuri had dealt with growing up. He did considered himself lucky though that he had had his family to support him, Mari in particular.

 

“That's a horrible thing to say,” Victor said, gaining his attention again. He was frowning down at his papers. “Being smart should never be held against you. I think it's quite brilliant you're so educated and enthusiastic about learning more, it's truly exciting.”

 

Yuuri blinked. He processed the compliment slowly, turning beat red as the words he didn't ever expect to hear sunk in. He buried his hands into Makkachin's fur just to do something with them. “Uh… Thank you.”

 

Victor turned to look at him, smiling. “Please don't thank me, Yuuri. I find that intelligence quite suits you, I was simply stating a fact.”

 

Yuuri blushed even hotter under Victor's sincere gaze. He had gotten increasingly free with his compliments lately and Yuuri certainly was yet to accustom to the onslaught of affection thrown his way.

 

“I realise now with even more clarity how much of an idiot I have been,” Victor went on, his lips tugging down slightly from his smile. “All those romance novels and shallow poetry collections must truly have been very poor gifts to you earlier. I'm sorry for assuming…”

 

Yuuri gulped at the mention of the previous courting gifts. Despite agreeing to refrain from calling their current situation courting, the sentiment was there no matter how unspoken — Victor's new and improved gifts and gestures had become a regular part of Yuuri's days by now. Just like they would between a courting couple...

 

Yuuri cleared his throat to push away his sudden shyness. They may have hinted at some feelings for each other before and had grown undeniably close with each other, but still the idea of _officially_ courting was a slightly daunting one.

 

“Well, not necessarily,” Yuuri started quietly to reassure Victor. “I admit those romance novels and poems in particular were quite far outside my usual tastes, but I do enjoy some poetry, novels too. Adventures mostly though. I even enjoy flower language theory to some extent — though I'd much rather focus on the history and origins of the meanings in other cultures instead of merely on the sweet nonsense a lot of omegas seem to enjoy lately.”

 

Victor looked pensive, but only hummed in response. After a minute Yuuri turned back to his book since it seemed Victor's mind went elsewhere.

 

He had successfully covered almost two chapters of the book when he was suddenly startled by an abrupt twist in his stomach.

 

“Oh!”

 

Victor looked up from his papers, immediately looking worried when Yuuri hunched over his belly, holding it with both of his hands, his book discarded on the floor.

 

“Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri hardly heard him. He didn't even notice Makkachin huffing disgruntled at being dislocated from his napping spot. All of his focus was directed to the hip bump as he waited for the weird flutter to hit him again. He was almost certain he knew what it was, but it hadn't happened before and he was too taken by surprise to tell for sure.

 

Yuuri held his breath even as he could vaguely see Victor coming to hover over him. He ignored his worried questions to focus inward. He was just about give up after a few minutes of nothing, but then, just as he lifted his face to calm down Victor, he felt it again. It was definitely a solid flutter.

 

It was strange, but now that he was expecting it, he could sense it better. Yuuri couldn't help the odd sound escaping his mouth as he placed his hand over the specifics spot he felt the baby at. The spot the baby had _kicked_. A smile formed on his face even as he felt his eyes watering.

 

“Yuuri, what's wrong?! Please,” Victor pleaded, now on his knees in front of Yuuri. Yuuri looked up from his stomach to see his alpha's hands hovering over his own hands.

 

A wet laugh escaped Yuuri — he felt bad for stressing out Victor, but the humor of the aloof, even cold to the outside world alpha aristocrat being on the verge of pulling out his hair over Yuuri's seeming distress was not lost on him. He quickly took one of Victor's hands in his own and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

 

“Nothing’s wrong,” he said, not being able to stop smiling. Slowly, Yuuri lowered their entwined hands to his stomach.

 

Victor had time to look perplexed only for a moment before the baby licked again, making Victor jolt.

 

“Oh! Was that…”

 

“Yes, I think so.”

 

Victor looked at Yuuri's stomach in awe. “Has that happened before?”

 

Yuuri shook his head. “No, I would have told you.”

 

Victor looked up briefly before his eyes lowered back to Yuuri's stomach. Yuuri could still see the big smile on his face and the gleam in his eyes.

 

“Can I?” Victor held his other hand up pleadingly, looking eager to have their baby between both his palms. Yuuri simply nodded and instantly his stomach was cradled by two large hands.

 

“Will they do it again? I want them to do it again,” Victor asked smiling so wide Yuuri wondered how it didn't hurt his face.

 

Watching Victor watch his stomach like it was the greatest thing he'd ever seen made Yuuri feel all kind of emotions.

 

Victor looked so happy.

 

* * *

 

 

It was as early as the next morning when Yuuri received a book collection on the history of flower meanings and origins as a gift from Victor. Accompanying it was yet another lovely bouquet — though this time it looked distinctively self made from the flowers in the estate garden.

 

Yuuri loved them even more than the huge, professionally made bouquets.

 

Excited to look at his new books as well, Yuuri eagerly dug into his them to see about the flowers in this particular bouquet.

 

Purple hyacinth.

 

Blue iris.

 

Yellow daffodils.

 

Blue violets…

 

Yuuri held his breath as he found each flower one by one in his new books. He almost wanted to cry, thinking about Victor carefully picking each flower and arranging them with so much care.

 

_Regret, apologies._

 

_Hope._

 

_New beginnings._

 

_Affection…_

 

* * *

 

  


Yuuri was sorting through yet another bouquet from Victor, arranging it on his bedside table so it would be the first thing he saw every morning until eventually a new one would take its place. It had become a routine of sorts to him already by now. Once the flowers were adequately arranged, he turned to the letter and notes delivered with the gift.

 

There was one from Lilia, a short invitation for tea written in beautiful cursive, a note about a book Victor recommended he should look up in the library and a letter with no obvious sender noted on the envelope.

 

Yuuri frowned at the letter, but didn't think too much about it. Despite his seclusion from society after coming to the Feltsman estate, Yuuri still had somewhat regular correspondence occasionally.

 

Recently even Lady Minako had taken to writing him sometimes (behind her husband's back of course) though she did always seal her letter with her distinctive cherry blossom seal. This one only had a generic wax to hold it close.

 

Retrieving a letter knife, Yuuri slid the envelope open. He suspected it must have been from Victor, since he was the only person Yuuri knew who often forgot to sign his notes or write his name on the envelopes he frequently sent out for work and such.

 

Yuuri pushed his glasses a little higher on his nose and started reading with a small smile.

 

_Dear Yuuri,_

 

_I do hope you don't mind me taking liberties in calling you so familiarly, since I feel we are so close already. Though, I do wish we could be even closer._

 

_Since our last encounter, my mind has been quite filled with you, with your face, your lovely voice…_

 

Yuuri frowned slightly confused as he thought back. Unless he suddenly had dementia, the last 'encounter’ Victor and he had had was last night at tea with Yakov and Lilia. Nothing remarkable enough to warrant such prose had definitely happened. They'd played some cards… Yuuri had knocked over a cup when his swollen belly had hit the table because he'd miscalculated his own size. He certainly hoped Victor wasn't reminiscing that embarrassing incident.

 

_… I have heard much talk about you as well recently. I've been keenly listening, though I must admit, the others speaking your name irritates me. You must realise how they talk, don't you? Perhaps you want them to. You want me to hear them and think of you, think of possessing you so no-one can ever so much as hear your name. You want my attention._

 

Yuuri's heart beat a little faster as he read on. The letter shook softly in his hands. Nothing about the content of it made sense to him and was seriously starting to doubt it was from Victor. The language was crude and off in a way he'd never heard from him. Yet, it did sound vaguely familiar.

 

The words sounded almost like…

 

_“I saw you trying to get my attention.”_

 

_You want my attention._

 

_“No need to be nervous, we're too close for that.”_

 

_We are so close already._

 

Yuuri's breath hitched and he shut his eyes momentarily from the words swimming on the page. He shook the memory forcibly out of his mind, blinking his eyes open and ignoring their wetness.

 

God, he hoped he was wrong.

 

He could not deal with this now. He didn't want the memories of the unwanted touch on his skin and the feeling of fear to suffocate him again.

 

Yuuri gulped in heaving breaths, every one coming faster than the previous. The words on the paper started to blur as his panic rose.

 

— _I hope you have received my inv—_

 

_Knock knock._

 

Yuuri startled enough to gasp in a huge breath and whipped his wet eyes from the letter to his door. For a moment he stood frozen until whoever it was knocked again and Yuuri flinched into action. The offending letter crumbled in his hands as he dashed around his room for somewhere to put it, preferably out of his sight so he'd forget ever reading it. Eventually he settled into locking it into one of his little used desk drawers.

 

With the letter crumbled away, Yuuri took a moment to gather himself, smoothing down nonexistent wrinkles from his dress and slowly counting to three before opening the door.

 

“Yuuri!” Victor exclaimed happily as he Yuuri opened the door to find him standing there with a weaved basket in his hands and Makkachin sitting by his feet. “I was starting to worry you would simply ignore us.”

 

“Oh no,” Yuuri breathed, sounding perhaps a tad shaken, but it could easily be taken as him just having woken up. Victor didn't seem to at least notice anything off about him. “I'm sorry to make you wait. Um, what did you want?”

 

“Picnic! It's the most loveliest of days and I thought perhaps a morning by the lake further on the property would be in order,” Victor smiled wide. “Makkachin quite agreed.”

 

Despite feeling slightly tired and heavy in a way his attacks usually left him, Yuuri couldn't help but to smile at the image. Victor's enthusiasm was contagious. Not to even mention the furry pup wagging his tail at both their feet.

 

“Yes, I think that sounds lovely. Let me just fetch my bonnet,” Yuuri found himself agreeing after only a brief consideration. Fresh air was good for the baby and perhaps it would make him feel better as well. He did his best to put the disturbing letter out of mind as they made their way outside.

 

* * *

 

  


Lately, Yuuri had been having more nightmares. At least three nights a week he woke up covered in sweat with the baby kicking up a storm in his stomach, disgruntled at Yuuri's panic no doubt.

 

He mostly dreamt always about the same thing, about those hands on him. About that voice mocking him, talking down to him. The letter he'd gotten had seemed to bring all those memories rushing back to the forefront of his mind. He knew he should probably tell someone about it but even thinking about getting the letter out of the locked drawer it was in, was enough to make his breath short. And since they had been no new letters or anything, he figured it was fine to ignore it for now.

 

Yet, thanks to his dreams, he wasn't able to free himself completely of the anxiety under his skin. Being constantly worried left him feeling increasingly tired every day. And he knew others were noticing as well.

 

Victor was obviously worried for him, but he was yet to openly comment on it. Something Yuuri was grateful of even though part of him hoped the alpha would ask and Yuuri could just blurt out all of his horrible memories. Starting the conversation himself was too daunting.

 

So far Victor had asked him how he felt and if he was sick, but nothing to really loosen Yuuri's tongue. He felt almost bad for his fiancé because he suspected he had no idea how to deal with Yuuri being so down. He did his best though, trying to make Yuuri feel better in his own way. Something like turning up at Yuuri's door one night with his arms full of a nicely wrapped gift box.

 

“What's this?” Yuuri eyed the box with growing excitement and suspicion as he spotted what looked like air holes on its side.

 

“Well,” Victor started, settling the box on Yuuri's bed and sitting down. “I've noticed you've been feeling kind of down lately and I was trying to think of something to make you feel better.”

 

Yuuri blushed, he knew he had been obvious, but he had hoped he'd be able to hide at least some of his anxiety. Still, Victor's thoughtfulness was endearing even if he hardly deserved yet another present from the alpha. He opened his mouth to tell him just that, but Victor beat him to it.

 

“And before you say you don't need anything, don't. It makes me happy to make you happy so it's for me as well,” Victor winked with a self-satisfied face. Yuuri wondered just when he had gotten to know him so well.

 

“Alright then, for you, I'll have to accept I suppose,” Yuuri teased back.

 

“Good. Now let's get this thing open, your gift might not appreciate the stuffy box for too much longer.” Victor reached to open the lid of the box as he spoke, eyes on Yuuri's face obviously to take in his reaction.

 

Feeling more excited than before, Yuuri leaned forward slowly and looked inside to see his gift. He promptly gasped and slapped his hand over his mouth at what he saw.

 

“Oh my God!”

 

Inside, snoozing peacefully despite Yuuri's outburst, was the tiniest little furry puppy — a poodle just like Makkachin, but shrunk small enough to probably fit even in Yuuri's two palms.

 

“Oh my God,” he couldn't help but to repeat. The puppy's ears twitched at the loud sound and Yuuri melted. “You got me a puppy?” He whispered loudly to Victor in disbelief. Embarrassingly enough, he actually felt close to tears.

 

Victor blushed but nodded. “I thought since you get along with Makkachin so well… that perhaps you'd like someone to be there just for you, your very own snuggle buddy when you feel down.”

 

Yuuri was so touched, he felt the tears he'd been holding burning his eyes. He knew Makkachin meant the world to Victor so giving Yuuri a god of his own… It was like being gifted the entire world.

 

Yuuri couldn't stop himself from sniffling as he gently lifted the waking puppy to his arms. Gods, he felt even tinier in his embrace — he was all fluff and ribbon. Yuuri almost laughed at the comically large blue bow at the dog’s neck, it had Victor's extraness all over it.

 

“Do you like him?” Victor asked softly, sounding almost unsure. Yuuri couldn't even fathom _not_ absolutely loving the fluffy baby. He was just opening his large adorable eyes and Yuuri full blown sobbed when they were first trailed on his face.

 

Yuuri was so enamored, he almost missed Victor flinching at the wet sound of his tears. He only looked up when Victor made an odd choking sound before spluttering with a slightly panicked expression.

 

“Yuuri! No please, don't cry!” He yelped, waving his hands like he didn't quite know where to put them. Yuuri frowned through his tears in confusion, but before he could so much as open his mouth tell Victor that he was very much crying _happy tears_ , the alpha went on.

 

“I messed up again, didn't I? Is it too much? I'm so sorry, I can take him back. They'll take him back, probably… I—”

 

Yuuri smiled a little at how easy to shake up Victor was before leveling him a half serious, half playful glare to shut him up. Then he hugged his new puppy tighter against his chest possessively enough to make his point. “Don't you dare.”

 

Victor sagged immediately, his eyes going from Yuuri's seriously expression to the puppy snuggling up to his baby bump and back. His cheeks were a lovely shade of pink as he took in the sight. Yuuri smiled wide even as he shook his head on his silly fiancé.

 

“Victor,” he started, doing his best to keep his voice even. He was so completely thankful and he wanted Victor to understand just how sincere his words were. “This is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. I love him, thank you…”

 

“Oh,” Victor breathed out. He really looked quite attractive like this — sitting on the edge of Yuuri's bed with his hair loosely unstyled and his cheeks red with happiness. Even his eyes seemed more blue somehow, warm despite the cold color of them.

 

Yuuri could feel his own blush rising just on time at his thoughts. He buried his hot face into the dog's soft fur. It was like silk, so warm and nice. He'd have to think of a name for his little guy soon…

 

_Oh._

 

Yuuri looked up from his puppy at the realisation. The wiggly worm in his arms was not the only baby he needed to name soon…

 

The thought was a surprisingly warming one. Yuuri looked at Victor's handsome features again and wondered if their baby would look like him. Odds were they would take after Yuuri, but he couldn't help but to hope suddenly that they'd at least have Victor's eyes.

 

“Victor, I—” he choked out, feeling quite emotional all over again.

 

“Yes?”

 

Yuuri bit his lip. After a beat of expectant silence, he chickened out and chose forgo words. He leaned forward quickly before he could think himself out of it and wrapped himself around Victor in a tight hug. He buried his burning face into Victor's throat and breathed in his calming scent.

 

For a second, Victor was stiff against, most likely just as aware as Yuuri that this was the most physical contact they had had since they made the baby all those months ago. After that first awkward moment though, Yuuri's felt Victor's shaking hands settle around him, hugging him just a bit closer.

 

“Thank you, Victor,” Yuuri murmured again against his neck, his lips tasting a hint of his piney scent. It felt nice.

 

Victor sighed against his neck softly, his hands not shaking anymore.  “You're welcome, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri shut his eyes, his heart was beating so fast.

 

With Victor so close to him after so long, he realised that he didn't want this to end.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri laid in his bed staring at the ceiling — there were no cracks to map out like in his room at Lady Minako's townhouse or swirls of wood he'd grown up following with his eyes in his childhood bedroom in Hasetsu. The pure white surface of the ceiling almost uneased him, it certainly didn't help to ground his racing mind at a time like this when nothing he did seemed to calm him.

 

Vicchan, the baby poodle Victor had gifted him a few days prior, was cuddled up to his side, tuckered out like the baby he still was. Makkachin on the other hand seemed more bothered by Yuuri's jitters and had huffed and moved to the end of the bed a couple hours earlier.

 

Time ticked by, but sleep refused to find him and Yuuri doubted it would if he didn't sort his mind out. The thing on his mind… Well, like most of the time these days, it was quite frankly his fiancé. Victor — he'd been trying to finally get use to the idea of actually marrying the man and calling him that in mind was vaguely helping.

 

Months ago, when he had arrived at the Feltsman estate a little reluctantly and a lot hurt, just thinking about a _wedding_ of all things gave Yuuri unpleasant chills. If not for the fact that he's had his life turned upside down in a single night before, Yuuri could hardly believe so much could change in a matter of months. As for now, instead of dreading a horrid match and an uncomfortable affair of a wedding, Yuuri has actually caught himself more than once staring at Victor's empty ring finger and imagining slipping a golden band on it.

 

He was utterly terrified by his own want. The consuming way his heart seemed to have opened up to the man so fast left him dizzy most days. And yet, he'd have to lie to tell he didn't enjoy the feeling. It might have been terrifying, but it was also electrifying and exciting, exhilarating even…

 

Yuuri let out a deep breath he'd been holding. Even without any mirrors to confirm it, he knew his cheeks must have been burning as his heart beat faster thinking about Victor.

 

He felt silly — he was certainly alone, as alone as he dogs and his peacefully sleeping baby in his stomach ever left him, so he had no need for shyness or embarrassment. He bit his lip. Knowing it and acting like it were two very different notions.

 

Yuuri's mind flashed with images of his fiancé. Lately even the most innocent gestures had gotten his blood boiling and skin itching in an indecent fashion.

 

Even when they held hands Yuuri would feel hot from the point of contact. Victor's hands were always strong yet soft, bigger than Yuuri's and endlessly beautiful in a way he'd never thought he'd say about someone's hands. They held unexpected grace that made Yuuri suspect Victor would have made a beautiful dancer. (Yuuri's own hands were too sausage like for his own liking no matter how he trained in dance.)

 

To have such perfect hands touching him, holding him… The feeling of fire under his skin always spread fast like a wildfire out of control.

 

Yuuri shut his eyes, squirming to press his thighs tightly together under his bedspreads — Vicchan rolled away from his side at the disturbance.

 

“Sorry,” Yuuri whispered to him, already feeling guilty, but he couldn't help himself.

 

Just earlier today, at dusk when they had gone on a stroll around the garden, Victor had left a parting kiss on his gloveless hand. In that moment, Yuuri had blushed and he could swear Victor had lingered as well, pressing his soft lips there longer than was deemed polite even for an engaged couple. Yet, posh and prim polite conduct hadn't even crossed Yuuri's mind in that moment, he'd simply enjoyed the attention shamelessly and tried to save the feeling into his memory. He lifted his hand to his lips.

 

Pressing his own bitten raw lips on the place Victor's lips had touched mere hours ago, Yuuri breathed out a soft mewl. His other hand crawled under the covers guiltily.

 

Yuuri shut his eyes and pictured Victor's face — his bright blue eyes, his pale skin ever so slightly flushed as it got whenever Yuuri teased him, or when he smiled at him, or when he felt the baby kick. Yuuri especially thought about his smiling, heart shaped mouth. His pink, soft lips he somehow always kept perfectly glossy. Lips that had touched him in places far less innocent than his hand, lips he could remember on his skin, marking him and making him moan in shameless pleasure. That was so long ago now...

 

 _“Mmhm,”_ Yuuri muffled his whimper to his hand. _God_ , _he was so wet already._

 

He moved his hand faster, biting on his fingers as he squirmed, rustling the sheets.

 

“Ah!” He pictured Victor hovering over him, soft in the dimly lit bedroom. His lips slightly parted with heavy, aroused breathing, his cheeks flushed and the blue of his eyes barely visible around his blown up pupils.

 

“ _So beautiful, my Yuuri.”_

 

Victor.

 

“ _Do you like it when I touch you like this.”_

 

Victor.

 

“ _I love feeling you on my skin, your scent surrounding mine for days afterward. Mine. And I'm yours.”_

 

“Victor!”

 

_God, he was so close._

 

Yuuri cried out, squeezing his eyes shut tighter to hold onto the fantasy as he finished. His moans sounded a lot like a call out to his alpha.

 

He tried to even his breath as he felt the baby waking up, kicking him in the ribs not so lightly.

 

Yuuri ran his quivering hand over his sweaty face, he could smell his sweetened scent all around himself and he was sure anyone coming knocking come morning could too.

 

How would he face Victor tomorrow…

  


* * *

 

 

Victor was torn.

 

Lately, everything with Yuuri had seemed to settle into a balance of sorts. They spent time together, but never in any way that could be seen as too intimate, they smiled at each other and were much more free with their touches, but never let their hands wander. They talked as well… But they didn't talk about everything. Victor had started to wonder recently if this was to be their downfall.

 

Yuuri was so precious, beautiful beyond words — inside and out Victor was finding more and more. He would tease Victor and laugh with him, at him too at times, but he also gave the sweetest, shy smiles. He blushed at the smallest compliments like he wasn't used to receiving them. He asked Victor with genuine interest about his thoughts on politics, literature and even the most mundane things.

 

Being with Yuuri felt more natural with each passing day, like the force that had pulled them together that night months ago was now inching them closer and closer with each moment spent together. And Victor hated the thought of losing that. Of losing Yuuri.

 

The thought of it weaved itself more and more to his mind as it became glaringly obvious to him what his feelings for Yuuri were.

 

He was in love with Yuuri.

 

Had been for a while now he could see now that he wasn't actively denying it. He had fallen for the his arranged-through-scandal-fiancé quite stupidly and strongly and, he suspected, quite permanently as well. Despite all of his flaws, Victor had never actually been flippant with his feelings or fleeting with his affection.

 

A quality he suspected applied to Yuuri as well. Yuuri, who he thought might have fallen for him as well.

 

Victor ought have been happy. He knew Yuuri had held attraction for him before thanks to Christophe's loose lips, but he also knew Yuuri had hated him much more recently. If his feelings had changed to hold Victor more favorably, it must have come from a much more serious place than a simple crush.

 

It ate at Victor. Because with all he had done, with all he was, how could he possibly be worthy of Yuuri's love?

 

And that's how Yakov found him — sitting at the window of a drawing room facing the gardens, watching Yuuri play with the dogs happily, unaware of his audience.

 

“Vitya.”

 

Victor didn't move his eyes from Yuuri. “Father.”

 

For a moment, they were both silent. Victor knew Yakov was hardly a man who changed pleasantries just for the sake of it, if he simply waited patiently enough for whatever acceptable period of time Yakov was counting in his head, they'd eventually get to why the man was approaching Victor without Lilia or Yuuri present or a stack of papers he wanted Victor to deal with. It had been months since they had properly talked in private. Ever since Victor's mistakes with Yuuri made their relationship strain more precisely.

 

“You and Yuuri seem to be getting along these days,” Yakov eventual said, stoic enough to fool anyone who didn't know him into thinking he wasn't actually very pleased about it. Victor could still feel the relief from him, it was touching even if the mention of his relationship with Yuuri only weighed more heavily on his already heavy chest.

 

It reminded him of how his engagement and future marriage affected not only him but the people he held dear — Yakov and Lilia definitely as his guardians. Yuuri of course. Even his little cousin Yuri as he just moved to the society as his own person eligible for a marriage if his associations with Victor didn't ruin it for him.

 

And of course, most of all, the child very soon coming to this world. His own flesh and blood, dependable of Victor and tied to all of his mistakes just by their birth.

 

“Vitya?” Yakov asked when he gave no answers besides a heavy sigh. Despite his father being a man of very few outward emotions other than anger and expiration, Victor could almost smell the concern on him now.

 

Victor considered keeping his silence for a moment, but in the end, he felt desperate to confess his worries and sins. If he could not bring himself to open up to Yuuri on this, then perhaps the man who raised his sorry ass would do.

 

“I have come to the realisation that Yuuri is far too good for someone like me. I don't deserve him and I can never deserve him. And yet we are in a situation that won't allow him his freedom. Perhaps I should simply send him to one of our country homes after the wedding to enjoy his life without me in it. Staying would surely ruin him in the end…”

 

Months ago Yuuri had been against living separately for their reputations’ sake, but Victor thought that surely he'd understand it was for the best. At least it was the best Victor could hope to offer — they might have been doomed already, but at least Yuuri might find some happiness if they cut their ill-advised romance before they were too far gone.

 

Tears stung Victor's eyes suddenly and he turned his face towards the far wall to hide his crumbling expression from his father.

 

The chair next to him creaked softly, alerting him to Yakov sitting down. His father sighed heavily before speaking with a resigned tone. “Vitya, I yell a lot.”

 

Victor snorted so suddenly it surprised even him — it sounded slightly choked up and wet but it got him to look up at Yakov to see what kind of face he'd wear for such a bizarre statement.

 

He of course looked as calm and collected as if they were talking about the weather and he'd simply stated he liked the sunshine. Victor couldn't help the little confused laugh that escaped him. “Yes, I've noticed once or twice.”

 

Yakov grumbled and threw him a quick glare before continuing like he hadn't been interrupted.

 

“I yell a lot and I yell _at you_ a lot, but I still know you are not a bad man.”

 

Victor breathed in sharply before huffing and turning his face. “How can you say that even after everything I've done,” he muttered in resignation.

 

“I can say it because I see it. And because I trust that inside you are still that sweet child I raised as my own.”

 

Victor bit his lip to keep it from trembling. He fisted his hands on his thighs before shaking his head. Yakov was wrong. “I am not. I am just like h—”

 

“You are not him!” Yakov interrupted him before he could finish, gripping Victor's shoulder with his wrinkled but strong hand. He forced Victor to turn around and look at his dark blue eye, so different than his own light blue ones. “You are nothing like your father.”

 

Victor grimaced, he was trembling he realised. He tried to steady himself with as little success as he had in trying to calm his erratically beating heart. Each thump felt like bat against his ribs.

 

_Just like him._

 

_Just like him._

 

_Just like him._

 

_Just like…_

 

Victor gulped around the bit in his throat. “But I— I did just what he did all those years ago. I took what I wanted and hurt Yuuri, I cast him aside like he was nothing…”

 

Victor's breath hitched with a broken sob. Saying it out loud felt like knives in his gut, yet he didn't deserve to cry because if he hurt this much, how much worse had it been for Yuuri?

 

“Victor, I need you to hear me,” Yakov said seriously. He waited until Victor turned to look at him before continuing with conviction of a man who's lived long enough to learn many painful lessons.

 

“You're father was a rubbish man and a lousy alpha. He must have been twisted in the soul to bond your mother just to leave her for another in her frail state.

 

“Yekaterina's dying wish was for you to be raised with his name as a man he could never measure up to. To not have Victor Feltsman, the orphan, but Victor Nikiforov, the living reminder of what a failure he was as a human. It's something that never fails to remind me of why I loved my sister so dearly.”

 

Tears slid down his cheeks, but Victor ignored them in favor of focusing on his uncle, the man who raised him and should by all right be his real father. Yakov's eyes too looked slightly misty talking of his late sister, but the old man frowned through his emotions — this was something that they didn't really talk about. Not after Victor had turned eighteen and the questions he'd had as a child were finally answered with finality.

 

“I've done the best I could raising you to her wishes and I did not raise a twisted soul,” Yakov's eyes bore to his and Victor hung onto his words like a lifeline. “You have your demons, Vitya, like we all do, and I'm not saying they excuse your actions, but I know for a fact that you are nothing like him. Your actions _now_ show the man you are on the inside — the kindness you extend to him and trying to open yourself up when I know it's not easy for you.”

 

The words hung suspended in the air around them. Victor stared out of the window to the direction of Yuuri in the gardens. Yakov waited for a moment for an answer before giving up and standing up with his knees creaking.

 

“Every man makes mistakes, but it's what you do to fix them that defines you. Take it from an old man. I may not have known young love in decades but here's my advice nonetheless, I hope that for once in your life you might actually take it. Talk to him, tell him what you've told me and go from there. There's nothing wrong in being vulnerable once in a while.”

 

Victor stared at a spot in the far off treeline until he heard the door shut and Yakov's footsteps fade away. His mind raced yet everything moved like in slow motion. With sluggish movements, he eventually turned his eyes back to the grounds to see Yuuri.

 

In the garden below, Yuuri turned his gaze up and their eyes met. Yuuri smiled with his lovely cheeks turning pink and he waved sheepishly while resting his other hand on his stomach.

 

Victor's heart gave a weak thump.

 

_God he hoped Yakov was right about him._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was tolerable! Let me know!
> 
> Just a few things: Next chapter will again take a while since I'm finishing up my school year and then immediately starting work for the summer. But I'll work as fast as I can.
> 
> Aand, exciting news, I at least think. I very highly suspect this will be turned into a series. I have an idea for a short Victor's past one shot as well as a set few years after this Otayuri sequel! They aren't super outlined yet but that just means there are endless possibilities! xd Let me know if you got interested!
> 
> (I also outlined a two shot d/s verse victuuri fic with a twist! I'm pretty excited about it, but we'll see when I get to write it.)
> 
> Also, in case anyone is interested in mini art commissions for a few €, check it out: [More info on Twitter](https://twitter.com/bullsfish/status/1112813261781716992?s=20)
> 
>  
> 
> [Art on Tumblr](https://bullsfish.tumblr.com/post/183826906929/victorian-inspired-yuuri-for-my-fic-slight)
> 
>  
> 
> [Art on Twitter](https://twitter.com/bullsfish/status/1112115259496718337?s=20)

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Leave a comment and let me know! Thank you for reading!
> 
> As for an updating schedule, I don't have one. Unfortunately with this fic, I probably won't be able to update as regularly as I did with ITOSS (even if it could be called that then either xd). I suggest as always that you subscribe! Otherwise, I prefer Wednesdays and Saturdays for updating and will aim to update at least once a month. ;)
> 
> More info, art and other stuff can my found on my tumblr: [My Tumblr](https://bullsfish.tumblr.com)


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